What am I REALLY thankful for?

With Thanksgiving approaching we have spent a lot of time around our house talking about all that we are thankful for. Psalm 69:30 says I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving. When I looked up the transliteration of thanksgiving in this verse it was: towdah- give praise to God. What a wonderful way of defining Thanksgiving....a day to give praise to God!

Earlier this week I started reading the book of Job. It ended up being perfect timing with the subject of thankfulness. I have been meditating on the first 2 chapters over the last few days. In these Chapters God allows Job to loose basically all that he has including his health. Job does nothing but continue to give God praise. In Job 1:21 he says The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” It has made me think.... Do I love God because of all that He has done for me, or do I just love Him because He is God? Would I still love Him if he took away every single thing I have?

God found this out from Job by allowing Satan to test him, I am thankful this week that God has simply asked me this question and allowed me to ponder on it. I have realized that I have a lot to change in my way of thinking. I do love God for all that He has blessed me with, but I also need to be in the right mindset and ready to praise Him even if he were to take it all away.

In Job 2:10 Job says.. "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said. My favorite part of this verse is where it says...Job did not sin in what he said. Job could have gotten angry and cursed God for what had happened to him, but he did not. Makes me think about the times in my life when things don't go my way and I grumble and complain to others.

Lord please help me to work on not sinning in the words that I say. May I always praise you no matter what situation I am in.

Thankfulness

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name. Psalm 100:4

With Thanksgiving only days away I can say that I am so very thankful for the God that provides me with every good thing I have. Sometimes I can be so quick to complain about what I don't have. The best way to combat this is to catch myself doing it and immediately change my complaint into a praise. My house might not be as clean as I would like it to be, but Lord am I ever so thankful for the sweet little children that mess it up so quickly. I may be sad when my husband has to work 12 hour shifts and I feel like I hardly ever get to see him, but Lord how thankful I am that I have him and that he is with us this Thanksgiving rather than on the other side of the world as he was just last year this time.

I pray today Lord that every time I start to complain, you will quickly remind me that I so much to be thankful for. If you never gave me another thing for the rest of my life, you have already given me more than I could ever even deserve!

The Great Almighty

I have always had a dream of having 4 children. When my husband and I first got married, we talked all the time about the 4 children we would have. We tried for that 4th one on a couple of occasions, but with two 6 month deployments in 3 years, it never seemed to happen. Just when I thought we would start trying again my husband expressed to me that he was really content with 3 and no longer had the desire for a fourth. It was heart breaking for me, but I reluctantly submitted to my husband, and started praying for God to take that burning desire away from me. It was a long road, but eventually I came to terms with it and accepted that I could be happy for the 3 beautiful children I had and give up that longing for a fourth.

It wasn't too long after I arrived at this place, that miraculously one day about a year and a half ago I became pregnant while on birth control. I was convinced that this was a miracle from God and couldn't give him enough praises. My vision of 4 children was going to come true, and surprisingly Bob was actually became very excited about it too. I couldn't contain my overwhelming joy of this miracle God had done. For weeks I just sang Him praises and told everyone my amazing story. I was just convinced with out a doubt that God had given us this baby as a gift. I also knew deep within me that a fourth child was a promise He made me a long time go, and I knew for certain He had fulfilled it.

All my joy and certainty came to screeching halt on April 11th 2006 when I went to my first OB appointment. I was 9 weeks along and they could not find a heart beat. They sent me over to the ultra sound room and as I waited I could have sworn that for the first time in my whole life I heard God's real audible voice say "everything will be fine" Well, minutes later I was shocked and devastated when the ultra sound technician told me that there in fact was no heart beat. I miscarried 5 days later.

Although it was a terribly difficult time for me where I questioned my faith and my trust in God, in the end I learned so much. Instead of loosing my faith (which I am certain was Satan's plan) my faith was strengthened a million fold. I would never give back that sad experience in exchange for all that it taught me.

I tell this story now because just a few weeks ago my husband and I found out again that we are expecting our 4th child. This time a different situation, but still another unbelievable miracle.
Although I can't say that I have not spent weeks now fighting of fear and anxiety over this turning out the same as last time, I can say that God has continued to teach me and grow me just as much as last time.

Yesterday was my first doctors appointment. As I laid there again waiting for my ultra sound I remembered that day God said aloud to me "everything will be fine" Looking back now I can see that everything was fine. This time I said aloud..."Lord, if it is good I will praise you, if it is bad I will praise you!" Moments later we saw the sweetest sight you ever did see.....a 7 week fetus with a little flashing heart beat! As I called several people to tell them our good news, I quickly realized that although others were excited for us, no one could even coming close to understanding the magnitude of this day for me, but it was ok. This is between myself and my God, whom today (and everyday) in my eyes is the Great All Mighty!!

more on my fear

I have been praying and pondering more on my entry yesterday about fear. I started thinking even deeper now into what is the root of my lack of faith in God's promise to do towards me good and not harm. The Lord gave me this verse:

this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, O Deidra, he who formed you, O Deidra:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
Isaiah 43:1-3

I think I discovered today that the reason I do not believe the truth that God's plans for me are good, is that I do not believe that I deserve the good. Deep downs inside I know that my sin and my past deserve harm not the good. But this verse says Fear not, for I have redeemed you

I am redeemed! He is my Savior. Why would he save me only to bring me harm?? If he wanted me to experience harm he would have left me in that pit of sin and destruction I was in when He saved me. I guess I need to pray about this and ask God to help me to believe His truths.

Fearing

I am struggling terribly this week with fear. I wish I could just defeat this thing once and for all. I believe that I probably never will though, because it is one thing that keeps me constantly crying out to God. I could probably come close to finding for you every major verse in the Bible pertaining to fear. I know many of them by heart, but somewhere there is a missing link that keeps me from defeating it all together. I wish I could figure it out. I know that God is in control. Maybe that in it self is what I fear. Maybe deep down inside I believe that if in total control He will hurt me.
What a lie that is. A lie that I just realized as I was writing this that I have been believing. What does God's word say??
I think today I might have discovered the root of my fear. I think it might be the lack of faith in this truth:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Fruit

I have on occasion heard people say...."You can know if a mother is Godly and worth looking toward for advice by the fruit she produces (her children)."

I thought about that the other day and decided that I do not necessarily agree with that. God says that fruit will be produced in His time. The behavior and sinful nature of my children at this point in their lives should be no representation of God's glory or the fruit that he will bring forth in them when the time is right. I feel like I have been discouraged by this statement and for a time have felt like I must not be doing a good job because my children do not seem to be producing the fruit they should be.

Galatians 6:9 says let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. I read over and over those words in due season. Our culture today tells us NOW we do not want to wait for anything. That is why we have instant dinners and 5 minute guarantees. But we are not of the world and we should not expect to have it all now. We have to hang in there and not grow faint. We can look at the seasons in light of a grower.....Spring- we water and feed Summer- we wait Fall- we Harvest and watch it all bloom.

I am not yet to the Harvest. In parenting, I am still in the water/feed stage and in some instances waiting. I know that I will eventually see the Harvest, and God promises it to be bountiful. I have to believe that and anticipate it. Think about when we plant a seed in the ground. Do we sit there and watch it until we see it sprout and get frustrated all the days that we see nothing??? NO, we keep watering it and trust that one day we will wake up and surprise, something is going to peep out of that soil!! We have to just keep watering and feeding! We never know when that thing is going to come out of the ground. What a peace that gives me today.

Peace

I have had such a peace in my Parenting efforts over the past few weeks. It has been so nice compared to the overwhelmed and frustrated spirit I seemed to be filled with for a while. I attribute part of that to the fact that I am feeling better, but I also think the Lord led me to start making some changes to the way I was operating.

For a while I was getting so overwhelmed with all the things I wasn't doing or felt like I needed to do in order to make sure my kids came out to know and love the Lord. I as feeling like there was so much to teach them and so much I needed to learn in order to do it right. I was looking at other parents and other children. Getting terribly discouraged when my children made bad choices or didn't seem to be "getting" any of the things I wanted to instill in them. The bottom line is I was "doing" too much. Today another friends blog made me think of this verse: Psalm 46:10 Be still (stop trying to do it our selves!!), and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth

If He says He will be exalted among the nations and the whole earth, then why would He not be exalted in my children! Of course He will!! I can cease my striving and let Him work! What a peace that brings!

What I am focusing on more now is working on my own righteousness before the Lord, and I know from that, teaching my children and bringing them up in the ways of the Lord will come naturally...it already has!

Thankful for those who hold me up

Today God put on my heart a strong sense of gratitude for all the friends I have in my life. Being in the military I have lived in 5 different states in 8 years. All along making more friends than one could ever even ask for. I know and love so many people it is just hard to even believe sometimes. It is nearly impossible to keep in touch with all of them, but I still hold each and every one of them dear to my heart, and often remember the impact they made on my life during the season of my life that God placed them in. They are such a gift from God.

In Exodus 17:8-16 Joshua is fighting the Amalekites. Moses tells Joshua that he will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands. Verse 11 says that as long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. Joshua could not defeat his enemy on his own, and Moses could not do it for him either. But what Moses did do was stand on that mountain for his friend and hold his hands up for God's strength. If you read even further, verse 12 tells us that when Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.

Talk about support from your friends when you are in the midst of a battle!! I don't think I could have found a better example! Through this group of men relying on one another for strength, God brought victory! God empowered them to work together and defeat the Amalikites.

I had my sweet friend call me the other night when she needed to be lifted up in prayer. We both felt empowered after taking the time to pray together. Anther friend e-mailed me yesterday filling me in on some of the struggles she and her family are facing right now. I felt compassion for her as I know I am struggling with some of the same issues, and we agreed to lift one another up in prayer.

The people in my life that I feel the closest to are those who have humbled them selves enough to share their struggles with me and I have felt welcome to lay my burdens on them at times. What a privilege it is to experience spiritual victory with a friend. I am sure God delights in our commitment to hold one another up in His strength. What a mistake it is when we let pride stand in the way of allowing others to share in our personal battles. When we do not ask for support, we cheat ourselves and others from being able to experience the joy of victory in the end.

Here is one of my favorite verses:
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

The consiquences of prayerlessness

If I try to think of anything in my life that comes in the way of drawing closer to the Lord, two things come to my mind right away. One is lack of prayer and the other its scripture memory. I have been convicted of both and haven't made much effort to do anything about it. Today I am focusing on the prayer part.

I am doing the Beth Moore Bible study right now at church. We are digging deep into the details of the Old Testament tabernacle, and right now we are studying the altar of incense and it's relation to prayer. This morning Beth gave 4 scriptures about prayer. They were:
1) Isaiah 50:4-5 2) Mark 14:38 3) Philippians 4:6-7 4) James 4:2

From these 4 scriptures I observed the following about prayer. (numbered by the verse)
1) Prayer is me obediently listening to the Lord and what He has to say to me
2) Prayer keeps me from temptation, and ultimately sin
3) It keeps me from worry and fear (more sin!)
4) It provides all that I need...what I lack is because I have failed to pray for it

My lack of prayer is such a disregard for the ultimate reason Jesus gave his life for me. His whole purpose for living is so I can commune with God. I am not righteous enough as I am, and Jesus stands in for me, placing me in a right relationship with God.

Therefore He is able, once and forever, to save everyone who comes to God through Him. He lives forever to plead with God on their behalf. Hebrews 7:25

working towards......mature and complete, not lacking anything

I read my last entry and couldn't believe it has been over a month since I last wrote. I have had a lot going on in my life, and chose to take a much needed break from a few things. I have missed keeping track of all that God is teaching me. But, don't be mistaken, although I have not been able to write it all, the Lord has taught me more in the last month than he probably has in quite a while. I have had health issues, family issues, neighbor problems, children struggles and more! God has gotten me through it all. I thankfully am feeling better, and looking forward to writing about some of what God is teaching me everyday. Learning is a daily thing for me. I wake up everyday wondering what God teach me today. I use this Blog as a way to bring it all together and keep track of my growth and maturity as God brings me closer and closer to His righteousness everyday.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

still standing

I am in a time in my life where I feel like darts are being thrown at me from every which direction. I finally today realized that God won't stop them, because he is calling me to a total surrender. A total surrender of what I want and how I want my life to be. He is calling me to focus on him and only him and instead of surrendering I have been wearing myself out trying to dodge the darts. This morning I got flat on my face on my bedroom floor and asked the Lord to take it all. Something I wish I would do more often. It brought such peace to my day. I realized this morning that the only way to stay standing is to get flat on your face first!! After I did this I was able to stand back up in God's strength and not my own.

Standing until He shows me what to do

This sums up how I feel in my parenting of a pre-teen today! It is a road that I have not yet traveled, and I feel so lost and weak in my efforts.

Sometimes you have done everything you know to do. You abide in Christ and long for His presence. You entrust everything and everybody and keep entrusting day after day. You are faithful to become and change and to seek wisdom and growth. You pray. So all that is left, after you have done everything, is to stand. Maybe you can’t take one more step. Just stand. Maybe you’re tired of the wait. Keep standing. Maybe it seems it will never be your turn. Stand.Maybe today you don’t know what else to do. You are tired and can’t go forward. You have considered just getting out of line and abandoning the wait. Can I ask you to do something? If you are able in this moment, stand up. Physically stand up and pray:God, I cannot see You. I have no idea what to do next. But as an act of my complete trust, I will stand and keep standing until You show me what to do. Amen.
[When Wallflowers Dance: Becoming a Woman of Righteous Confidence by Angela Thomas]

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

early morning blessings

I woke up at 4:15 a.m this morning to a little boy who had wet the bed! (he had a slushy after Tori's game last night! not a good idea!) I was so tired but was amazingly filled with joy even at 4a.m. :-) I got him all cleaned up and back in bed, and as I climbed back in my bed another little face appeared claiming to have had a bad dream. (I think he really just wanted in my bed!) I took him back upstairs and laid with him for a minute,and when I got back to bed it was 5 and I was wide awake! It was so nice though to have a gentleness with them even when I was so tired. God is good!
Anyway, I ended up just getting up and reading and it was so good. Wanted to share 2 things I randomly read this morning. The first one is Proverbs 3:24-26 It is about combating fear with Wisdom. The second was 1Kings 3. It was where God tells Solomon he can have anything he asks for and Solomon asks for Wisdom!! Then because he wanted wisdom more than anything else, God also gave him riches and honor that he did not even ask for. Made me long for a heart like Solomon this morning. :-)

Recieving joy

Do you ever just wake up in the morning in a rotten mood? Nothing triggered it really, it's just how you woke up and nothing you do seems to get you out of it. This happens to me on occasion. (more occasions than I would like!) When I am in this state of "grumpiness, sometimes it seems like no matter what I try I just can't seem to shake it. Anything and everything gets on my nerves, and anything that could be wrong in my mind seems to be wrong. It is like I am sitting in this pit and although I know I need to get out, it is just easier to stay there than figure out how to get out. That is how I started me day today.

Everyone in the house was irritating me, and on top of it all I walked out to my car this morning to a flat tire. I thought that I was going to just get it plugged at Wal-mart (there was an obvious nail in the tread) but when I got there I was informed that the nail was too close to the side wall and would need a whole new tire. A $125 new tire! Now the guys at Walmart were on my bad list today too! After 3 more places told me the exact same thing, I was just plum mad! Mad Mad Mad!!! I tried everything to have joy in my circumstances, but it just wasn't working. I tried praying several times, I tried reading my Bible, no matter what I did nothing seemed to get me out of this fleshly state of irritation with the whole world. In the car on the way home from the tire store I pleaded with God to show me how to have joy when my flesh was refusing to come out of this funk. All the sudden I had the thought to start praising God for anything and everything I could think of. Instead of complaining about my tire, I praised God for a car to drive. I changed my attitude about my overly dramatic and emotional 12 year old into praises that she is a child of God and that He in trusted her to me. Instead of complaining about my 4 year old that calls my name 10,000 times a day and never seems to stop talking, I praised God that he is not autistic and can talk to me all day long. I repented for grumbling this morning about my husband's mess in the kitchen, and thanked God for a husband who loves me and is faithful to me. All the sudden I felt a 1,000 lb weight lifted off of me and I was so filled with joy! Thank you Lord for teaching me today how to receive your joy rather than letting me sit in my pit!

just enough for today

Lately I have been so bogged down (in my mind) with all the things I want to accomplish, that I have been choosing to just get overwhelmed, and in turn not accomplishing anything at all. This is the case as far as housework, teaching the kids, completing unfinished tasks around the house. As soon as I try to think about what I want to get done, my mind goes on overload and I start thinking of a million things and a sense of hopelessness comes over me and I just say forget it. I think it has become a form of laziness and idleness for me.
On Sunday my friend (who always seems to know just what to say when I need her to say it
!!) called and we started talking about this situation. She said.."the problem is, we are forgetting that we are supposed to be taking things one day at a time....just accomplishing what we can for today..." We have talked about this before, but I had somehow fallen back off track. The enemy has been using this as a form of distraction for me, and instead of focusing on what I can do I have been focusing on what I can't do.
Today I have started out with my new attitude again. I still have my long to-do list which includes, cleaning all 3 bathrooms, changing 4 sets of bed linens, vacuuming out the car, feeding my flowers, finishing the touch ups painting work through out the house, hanging the last pictures and candles (that have been sitting on the floor since June!!), teaching Brady the entire alphabet including the phonics, getting our web site up and running again, downloading and pruning out 6 months of back log pictures for our albums........that isn't even the end, and already you can see that these things obviously are not going to get done today. So why am I getting so frustrated??
This morning I am remembering to do what I can just for today, and eventually after enough just for today's, all these things will get done! Seems like a simple concept, but somehow I have let the enemy distract me from the obvious.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

setting aside my reputation

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever‑increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Of all the people in my extended family, I can not think of one person that is a Christian. This has made my walk with the Lord different in the fact that I did not have the influence or teaching of how to live a Godly life. I don't have family I can call on for prayer or Godly advice. I have to rely solely on the leading of the Lord.

It has also made it difficult for me to share my faith with in my family. I risk being labeled the "holy roller" of the family or the "religious" one. Those were terms I heard quite frequently growing up. Being stretched my the Lord to be more bold in my faith has brought me to think alot about relinquishing my reputation in order to serve God the way I should.

I have an uncle, my mothers brother, who has gone through a rough year. He let himself go to alcoholism, and lost his job of 16 years for the state of Illinois. He soon after almost lost his house, and is still nearly 6 months behind on his mortgage. He lost all visitation rights with his 2 boys, and eventually landed in a deep depression and total dependency on alcohol. This man was as far in the pit as one could probably get. He was so bad that my mom had to go down there and persuade him to go to a detox program. He completed the program, (Praise the Lord!) and is now back at home. He has a long road ahead of him to get his life back in order. The detox was only the first small step.

I prayed for him the whole time he was in detox, and once he was out I realized..this man need Jesus!! He needs to know the only way to really get his life back in order.
That same night I got an e-mail from my mom asking me if I wanted to send him a little note or something to encourage him. In it she said..."he told me, the doctor and the detox nurse that day that he reads the bible every night, so don't be afraid to give him a good sermon!!!! ha!" The minute I read that I knew that God was calling me to do something that no on else in my family was going to do. I had to tell Danny about the Salvation our God could provide for him. To do that, I was going to have relinquish my reputation. I was going to have to not care what anyone else thought and go for it. So I did.

The first thing I did was go on line to purchase and have send to him some reading materials. I bought him 2 short booklets both about our purpose here on earth, and about throwing out the trash of our past and making a new life (through Christ!) I purchased a new Bible, and even had his name imprinted on it!
Today I sat down and wrote him a 4 page letter telling him about my life and how I was able to break free from a family that has done more harm than good in my life, and make a new life for myself, in Christ!

Many times today I have regretting the literature I had sent to him, thinking he will think it is stupid. I hesitated for hours to put the letter in the mail which would expose me now a true "holy roller", but I did it. I relinquished my reputation for the purpose of Christ, and also hopefully for the sole of this man. How can I withhold a powerful message of how Christ can save him, all because I am too afraid of what others will think of me? I am so glad the Lord helped me to make the right decision.
Please pray for me this week if you think of it. And pray for Danny and my letter and the literature that he will receive. I pray that the Lord will lead him to a new life and that the Danny will accept it. I have a lot more souls that need saving in my family. I will be praying that the Lord will continue to give me more boldness. :-)

Being more bold in my faith

One area of my walk that I have found the Lord leading me to improve on is to be more bold in my faith. In the book I am reading right now I just finished a chapter titled.....Forfeiting your reputation. That is something the Lord had been leading me toward for quite some time. I am a very shy person, so just walking up to someone and making conversation is very difficult. The Lord has been working on this in me over the years and I have gotten much better at it, but it is still something that I have to really work at. I have to put aside my insecurities sometimes and follow the Lords leading when He calls me to interact with someone. For example a new neighbor moves in and I know that I want to welcome them or bring over a plate of cookies but my insecurities and shyness make it really easy for me to talk myself out of it. I have to force myself to do it sometimes. Being hesitant to bless someone else like this is a form of selfishness. I am more concerned about myself and how I feel or what that person will think of me than I am about taking the opportunity to bless them.
There can be a new person sitting at the table with us at Wed. night dinner at church and I know I should say hello or introduce my family, but I let my shyness keep me from doing so. I realized a while back that during these moments I have to force myself to come out of my comfort zone and do something that I do not want to do in order to please God. It is a challenge for me, but the Lord has been helping me, and the more I do it the more it is starting to come more naturally.
The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. Proverbs 28:1
Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. 2 Corinthians 3: 12

Listening for Wisdom.... on the go??

I have notced that ever since the school year has started I have had fewer oportunities to sit and read my Bible, write in my blog or even be still long enough to listen for God's wisdom. I keep thinking about Proverbs 2 and the part where it says ...turning your ear to wisdom
I have been thinking about how important it is to still find (or make) time to listen. I long so deeply for His wisdom, but am finding it so hard to find a quiet moment in my day.
Neither of my boys EVER sleep in, and I have given up on any hopes of it in the future. Zack gets on the bus at 7am, so he is up at 6 with Brayden following usually @ 6:30. I could get up 5:00 everyday and have an hour. That is option #1 I guess.

From about 8-10 I do school work with Brayden and Tori works (mostly self directed) until after lunch. Brady only naps about every other day now for never more than an hour. I guess on the off days I could put in a movie for him and that could be option #2.
Zack gets off the bus at 2:00, and it is crazy busy from then on until after dinner. (Actually, until after all the kids are in bed! )

All 3 of my kids are playing soccer with practices 2-3 nights a week plus games on the weekends. We have church on Wed. nights, Boy Scouts now on Tues. nights. I would really like to join a Friday morning Bible study.........how is a girl to catch her breath????
I know that the Lord will speak to me even when we are on the go, but I do really miss those lazy days of summer when I always had time to sit a little more and not be so distracted with all the business. For now I don't see any thing that can be cut out. My 2 older kids love soccer and are both very good at it, not willing to give it up. Zack was sucked in by a boy scout recruiter with the inticment of getting to one day shoot a BB-gun. With all his friends also signed up I don't see much hope in talking him out of that.

After the kids are in bed at night is my only time with Bob. Since time will not allow it in the mornings, I have even been stealing time from him in the evenings to fit in a workout and shower when I can. That usually leads to a late night for us, which would explain why getting up at 5 am is so hard to make a reality.

For now, I guess I will jsut keep praying in the car when we are on the go. I'll try to fit in my Bible and writing when ever time (and Brady) will allow during the day. I might try to start getting up at 5am again that way at least I have an hour each day to start my day off right. I will also keep praying for wisdom. God knows my heart desires more time with Him, and if He wills He will help me find it.

more on wisdom

I thought this was so cool I had to get back on the computer to write about it.....
Just before starting the bed-time routine I finished up my last entry on Wisdom. Well, not but 15 minutes later I got out Brady's Devotions for Preschoolers (which is a book I just love by the way!) and turned to Sept. 4th....Get Wisdom. No kidding!! Isn't that the coolest!!
It was a sweet little devotion about Praying and asking God for wisdom, and here is the Bible verse for today....
If you need wisdom-if you want to know what God wants you to do- ask him James 1:5

Here was the prayer: Dear God, my wisdom comes from you. Help me to please you in all that I do. Amen

Wisdom

One thing parenting has done I think, more than anything else is increased my desire for God's wisdom. The challenges of parenting have brought me (sometimes out of desperation!) to a place of true humbleness. I realize that I do not know what to do in so many avenues of parenting. I can survive this journey only with God's great wisdom.

Every time I think I have something figured out, the challenges change. What worked for one kid now does not work for the next, what worked last week is not working so well this week, last weeks problem has fizzled down, only for another spark to ignite somewhere else or with another child. It seems like a never ending process. This brings me to need for complete submissiveness to the Lord and what He has planned for my children. They are his children not mine. I am simply being used as a vessel to raise them up for the Lord.

I have been praying these great verses from Proverbs 2 this week for wisdom in my parenting:

v.2 ...turning your ear to wisdom (I have to be listening for God to give it to me)
and applying your heart to understanding (the Hebrew use of heart [leb] here refers to our mind...I have to think about how God wants me to apply His wisdom to my parenting)
v. 3 and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding (this is me!!)
v.4 and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, (God's wisdom should be the most precious thing I could ever long for.......a true treasure it is!)
v. 5-6 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Thank you Lord for your Wisdom. With your wisdom there is never excuse or reason for me to be weary or discouraged. You will lead me in the paths I need to follow. I just have to trust you with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I will acknowledge you and you will direct my paths. Help me to follow your path in parenting and trust that you will get me where I need to go.

perfectly??

Sometimes after God teaches us a lesson or opens our eyes to a new way of looking at things, He then will follow it up with a test. I think I might be failing the test.

Ever since I wrote that I would be looking for more ways that Bob and I complement one another in our parenting, our differences have been popping up all over the place. Instead of looking at them in the same perspective I did when I wrote on Tuesday, I have instead let my thinking get off track and turned it into how many ways Bob works against me to contradict everything I want to instill in our children. I know that this is a lie and the enemy trying to drive a wedge between us, but I have bought into it and allowed myself to give in to the negative thinking.

We are both very different, Bob is from the north and I am a southern girl. He is very bold, self-assured and opinionated, I on the other hand am very meek, unassertive and always giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it seems impossible to see how God will take the 2 of us as different as we are and make kids that are well rounded, but I have to trusted God because I know he can do it. I am sure that Bob wants the kids to be more like him and I of course would like to see them be more like me. (hey do we share a trait of stubbornness???)
Somehow God will "stitch" it all together perfectly. Yes, perfectly.

Stitched together perfectly

This weekend some neighbors invited us to join them on their boat for the day. We went out to Shell Island where many boaters anchor their boats and spend a day on the beaches of this undeveloped island. We had a great day until we got back to the marina in the evening and as we were packing to head home Brady was trying to catch a hermit crab near the boat slip and fell and cut open the top of his foot. We had to rush him to the emergency room where he received 12 stitches in the top of his little foot.

As he was on the table (somewhat sedated thankfully) and preparing to be stitched up, the doctor asked Bob to lay across his body to keep him from moving from the waste down and for me to stay at the top keeping his arms and upper body stable. Bob laid across his wast and knees and had his head right down where the doctor was working and watched the entire procedure. (Something I would have NEVER been able to stomach!!)

I didn't think about it until later that night, but I found it very interesting how we both where in such different positions in this situation. Bob was down in the guts of it all watching as the doctor sewed our little boys foot back together asking questions and really getting into the whole procedure while I on the other hand sat at his head and kissed his little face and saying sweet words to him, assuring him that everything was fine and the the nice doctors where her to make people better ect.

It really made me think about the different rolls that we both play in parenting. We are perfect together in the fact that we balance one another out. Where I am weak he is strong, and vice- versa. Our differences insure that our children will receive all that God wants them to have. Bob provides them with an example of strength, courage, assertiveness while I influence them with tenderness love and nurturing. There are so many ways we are different, but it is all "stitched" together perfectly by God to allow us to parent our children to be how God wants them to be. I plan to be looking more often now to see ways that Bob and I complement one anther in our parenting.

Oh, and by the way...if you read my entry entitled Nichols' Law a while back, you will be glad to know that Nichols' Law failed this time! Bob was home one day when this event happened! So, I guess everything doesn't always go wrong when Bob is gone! :-) Glad he was here for this one!

my suitcase

Last night after I got the kids to bed I had great plans of going for a much needed run. While outside talking to my neighbor Michelle I happened to mention my plans. Unexpectedly Michelle then said, "oh, I need to start working out. I should go with you. Do you think I could keep up?? Do you think I should try?" Well, I already knew the answer to the first question, and selfishly my answer to the second one would be the same.

I had to make a decision....will I do what I want to do, or make the choice to sacrifice my run to give time to someone else?

I told Michelle I would pick her up at 7:30.
Michelle made it clear that she wanted me to push her and make her finish a mile. She was confident she could do it and insisted that I not let her quit. We started out walking about a mile and a half and when we got to the point where I knew the route of exactly one mile, I asked her if she was ready to start running. I pushed her hard and she eventually made it. She finished a whole mile and she was so proud of it. It wasn't easy for her by any means. I was worried at some moments if it was safe for me to keep pushing her, but I did anyway. Every time those legs stopped running and tried to walk, I would yell at her and tell her to keep going she could make it.

Something I realized last night after I got home was how this story can teach us a lesson about humility. You see, even though Michelle struggled terribly to finish this 1 mile run, I on the other hand barely became winded. I have been running for so long that to me 1 mile sounds so small. But to Michelle, it was a huge challenge! All of us have things in life that come easier for us than they may for someone else. To understand another persons struggles, we have to humble ourselves enough to understand where they are and what their gifts are. We all have different gifts given from God for a purpose. Your gift is not going to be the same as someone else's.

I am reading a really good book right now by Max Lucado called Cure for the Common Life. In it he describes each of us like a suit case. In each suit case are all the gifts and abilities that God has "packed" for us. If I were in the airport waiting for my baggage I might see a suitcase that looks exactly like mine. If I fail to look at the tag and make sure it has my name on it, I could take home the wrong one. When I get home and open it I might find the belongings of a business man. What would I do with this man's things?? I could put on his suit, I could even slip on his dress shoes, I could use his aftershave. The problem is, his clothes are going to be too big on me, the shoes are going to flop all over the place, and the aftershave is going to smell ridiculous on me. These things were not intended for me nor will they be useful to me.

God created each of us individually and with great detail. He packed our "suitcases" perfectly with everything He knew we would need to do be used the way He intended for us to. God gave me the ability to run. He made me good at it and I truly enjoy it. Others might despise it and have no desire to do it. He also gave me a gift for cooking, reading, gardening and keeping a tidy house. Those things come easily for me and I enjoy them. I love to decorate and I get excited about a a new outfit or a fresh color of lip gloss. Those are some of the things in my suitcase. We must remember that no one else's suitcase is filled the same. What I like might look silly or unexciting to someone else. If we try to use what God packed in someone else's suitcase because it looks better than what is in ours or it looks good on the other person, we are not going to ever feel comfortable like we should when we wear what God has packed perfectly for us.

What is most important is remembering that all the things in our suitcase were given to us by God for God. He wants what ever we have in there to be used and to be used to glorify Him. I am not a good runner because I worked hard and trained to get there. I am a good runner because God gave it to me in my suitcase. Our gifts and talents are not placed there by accident. We did not even choose them ourselves. God did. We are to take what ever He has placed there and be the best at it that we can be and make God's shirt buttons bust off with pride. That is what it is all about.

a great quote

"My Friend, remember to take this life one day at a time. When several days attack you, don't give up. A successful woman takes the bricks that the devil throws at her and uses them to lay a firm foundation. We all need enough trials to challenge us, enough challenges to strengthen us, and enough strength to do our part making this a better place to live and love." ~Barbara Johnson

It is such a challenge not to let the trials of everyday take us down. Instead though, they should be making us stronger. That is what I think I am going to start praying for. When I am dealing with the daily challenges of life, I will pray and ask the Lord to use them to make me stronger. This is part of the sanctification process. Why am I fighting against something that God's word says will get me into the Kingdom of heaven??

....strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said. Acts 14:22

I know that the hardships I endure today are molding me into something wonderful for God.

“O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel." Jeremiah 18:6

and I will be ......perfect and complete, lacking nothing." (James 1:2)

Hallelujah for that!!

My Zack Man

There is one little 7 year old that I just love so much. His name is Zack. I knew from the moment this kid was born he was going to be special! For one thing, every single kid on my side of the family that I can remember, including myself and all my siblings, have always been toe-heads, blond as can be! But not Mr. Zack. He popped out with red hair and now has the sweetest little freckles to match! Did you know that only 1% of the human population has red hair? I told you he was special! :-)

I used to get so tired of people asking me "where does he get his red hair?" me- "Red hair is a recessive gene of a blonde!!" No, I never really said that, but by the time he was 2 I really really wanted to!

He is just my little fire cracker and I love him so much. This week as I looked at him take off for his first day of 2nd grade I just couldn't believe that little baby born in May of the new Millennium had grown up so fast. I just wish I could freeze him right where he is today and enjoy that sweet little freckled face with no front teeth grin a little bit longer. Since I can't do that, I guess I will have to put everything else that I can aside for now so I can enjoy every minute of my kids before their time of being little is over.

I am so thankful today that the Lord has allowed me to stay home and give all I've got to these precious little gifts.

weed control

Another area of my home that was neglected last week because of our business, was my garden. Thankfully nothing died because of an irrigation system Bob put in for me that works on a timer. All my flowers automatically get water right at the base of the root system everyday. But, they haven't been fed in over a week and the weeds tried to completely take over! I couldn't believe the amount of weeds that snuck in over just a week of time! As I spent over an hour outside this morning feeding my flowers and pulling a million weeds , it reminded me of my walk with the Lord.

Sometimes I can be really on top of things. Praying everyday, reading the Bible, spending time with God, and my eyes are open and quick to recognize sin. But then there are times when I fall back and before I know it I have gone too long with out spending time in the presence of the Lord, praying to Him and seeking wisdom from His Word. Just like those weeds that try to choke my flowers and deprive them of growing to their fullest potential, sin creeps in and with out me even noticing and tries to choke me, keeping me from growing closer to the Lord.

If I had just spent 10 minutes a day out there pulling a few weeds here and there, I would not have had the enormous 1 hour job today of getting my garden back under control. I feel the same way about my walk. A little time each day will keep me on track and focused on the Lord. I am thankful that the rest of the day, like my automatic irrigation system, the Lord will give me the water I need to keep me firmly rooted in the ground.

the easy way or the hard way

This week has been such a busy one for us that we have let a lot of things go around the house. I just realized last night how much the housework and other things had taken a back seat to youth activies at church, school shopping, teacher orientations and all the other running around we have been doing all week. Yesterday we set aside the whole day to clean the house from top to bottom.
We started by cleaning all three of the bathrooms and continued on through each room of the house picking up, vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning. Something I was reminded of today is that having my children help clean is takes a lot of patience. My kids have their regular chores that they all do on a regular basis, but on a day like this where there is so much to be done, it would have been so much easier for me to put on a movie to occupy them, and just do it myself. If I had done that though, my children would have missed out on an opportunity to learn how to be good servants, and I would have missed out on the opportunity to make conversation with them as we worked. Even th0ugh we were working, we were still spending time together, so I felt really good about that.
It is interesting to me how we can choose to love our children by taking the "harder" way sometimes. This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. A lot of times it would be "easier" to send them outside with the neighborhood kids to play so I can sit and read my book, but I take the "harder" way and keep them in and play a game with them or make them play something together as siblings. I could take the "easy" way and set them in front of the TV or computer a whole lot more than I do, but I have to force myself sometimes to take the "harder" way and make them do something else. I could take the "easy" way and go ahead and put their laundry away for them (that way I know it all goes where it is supposed to!) or I can take the "harder" way and let them put them away themselves.
Don't get me wrong, I use the TV and computer to my advantage often enough, but I know that it is important not to let it get out of hand. I also (when my children are not looking) choose to go ahead and put their clothes away for them sometimes. But what is important is making sure that there is balance an that my children are learning the skills that they need to know rather than me always making life easier for myself. (something that takes a lot of work for me as I tend to want to take the selfish route most often)
When I was growing up I never learned how to do laundry or other house work. My mom figured it was easier just to do it herself. I also never learned to cook. My mom didn't want anyone even in the kitchen when she was cooking! (To this day when I visit her she won't let me cut the lettuce for tacos because she likes it shredded a special way!!) I have these same tendencies sometimes which were modeled for me growing up, but I have to choose to take the "harder" way, because I want my children to not only learn these kinds of skills, but I also want to give them the confidence that comes from accomplishing things themselves.

quite confused

This year I have been spending a lot of time reading in the old testament. Reading there, always makes me so appreciative of the saving Grace of Jesus Christ.
As I read about the sins of the Old Testament leaders like Moses and Saul and David ect. I am so shocked at the often times severe punishment that God gives for sin. It makes me realize how very serious God is about sin and how much he hates it. There is a lot about the Old Testament that I don't understand though in regards to how much changed once God's grace came through Christ.
One example is the issue of sins of the father. Do our children still have to suffer because of sin that we have committed or was that washed away when Jesus died for our sins? Does it matter if the sins were committed before we were saved?? Does God still "punish" us for our sins even if we have already repented of them and been forgiven. Just because we have been forgiven, does not clear us from the consequences of our actions. Again, does it make a difference if the sin was committed before or after we were saved??
Tonight I was reading in Samuel, and noticed that a lot of times when Samuel sins he realizes his sin and cries out to the Lord for forgiveness and Mercy, but God still gives him a punishment for his actions or even just the actions of his people. For example in 2 Samuel 24 David was conscience-stricken after he had counted the fighting men, and he said to the Lord, “I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, O Lord, I beg you, take away the guilt of your servant. I have done a very foolish thing.”
Before David got up the next morning, the word of the Lord had come to Gad the prophet, David's seer:
“Go and tell David, ‘This is what the Lord says: I am giving you three options. Choose one of them for me to carry out against you.’ ”
God then gives him 3 options for his punishment, and in the end sent a plague on Israel and killed 70,000 men!!! For a sin DAVID committed!!! That seems so harsh! And how awful to think that someone else would have to pay for MY sins.

So, it brings me back to my thankfulness for God's great mercy, but still makes me worried a bit to know if I or others still have to pay for the consequences of my actions.

And here is one more little side note question I would love to know the answer to if anyone knows.....the sin that David committed was counting his army “Go throughout the tribes of Israel from Dan to Beersheba and enroll the fighting men, so that I may know how many there are.” 2Samuel 24:2
Why was that a sin??? and now that I just read verse 1 again it says Again the anger of the Lord burned against Israel, and he incited David against them, saying, “Go and take a census of Israel and Judah.”
Isn't that God telling David to go count them???? Now I am really getting myself confused! Why would God punish him for it if he told him to do it????

refusing to be shaken

One of the associate pastors at the church we have been attending and his wife Angela teach the Sunday school class that I have been going to. This Sunday somehow we got into a discussion about different religions. Angela told us that when she was in college, she almost converted to the Muslim faith. Her father was also a Pastor all of her life, and so you can imagine what that must have been like having their daughter drop this bomb shell on them while home over spring break!
She had fallen in love with a student from another country (I can't remember which one she said) and started to question if her faith in Christ was what she really believed, or just something her parents had impressed on her and therefor she believed. What a nightmare that must have been for a Baptist pastor and his wife. We all asked her what her parents did, and her reply was..."they wore out their knees"
She said that if you ask her mom today she will tell you she was a basket case and fearful, but Angela says that all her mother's close friends and anyone that knew her mom then will tell you that she was rock firm and never once lost her faith that God would take care of the situation.
What strength that must have taken. A strength that only God can provide.

That is the kind of rock solid faith I desire so deeply. I want to know with out a doubt that no matter what happens, I will not be shaken. I want to know that in any circumstance I will be able to rejoice, and I will rest in the hope and Faith that God is in control. I have been tested in this area a few times this week. I am keeping my eyes focused on the Lord and remembering that He can handle anything!
I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, Psalm 16:8-9
I know that many troubles may be ahead for me or for my children, but no matter what comes our way whether it be a test from God or a stumbling block from the enemy, I will keep my eyes on the Lord and never be shaken.

He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. Psalm 62:6

crying question

This week at the church we have been attending Victoria is participating in Youth Week. Last night was the big kick off and each day this week they will do a community service project in the morning from 8-12:30, come home for a shower and some rest and then go back at 5:00 for dinner, a worship service, and more fun stuff until 9:00. They end the week with a lock-in on Friday night. Last night while I was at the church I decided to sneaked in during the worship service and take a peak. The message was exciting, and the worship music was awesome. They had a really cool band and it was appropriately appealing to this age group of kids. I actually got caught by the youth pastor while in there and ended up being persuaded to stay for dinner. All the Sunday School classes at the church are taking turns feeding the kids, and last night was fried chicken. It was really good! Kinda wish I were a teen again. At least this week! :-)

This morning on the way to drop her off at the church Victoria asked me if when I accepted Christ did I cry. She then went on to tell me about how every time she is at an event like this she always sees kids come up to accept Christ and they are always crying and really emotional. She said even during worship time, people cry and she feels sometimes like she wished she could make herself cry because she feels so dumb. Then she told me that sometimes she wonders if she really has Jesus in her heart, since she never really feels like crying and didn't cry when she made the choice to accept Christ as her savior.

Myself not being an overly emotional person I can really relate to how she feels. I am not much of a cryer at all and I never have been. Is this a heredity thing or a personality thing?? I have friends that can cry at the drop of a hat, but I can probably count one hand how many times I have cried in a year. I have always wished I could cry more but don't really know why it just doesn't come naturally for me.

I definitely have emotions. It tears my heart apart to hear of a person who has a husband with cancer or has lost a child, but for some reason it just doesn't come out in the form of tears. Usually when I hear about a sad or even happy situation, it just stays in my mind for a long time and I think about it almost constantly. I had a friend once who had lost a husband to cancer. She later remarried and one day she found out her 2nd husband had cancer. Half the room began to cry when she told us the news, but of course I once again (like Victoria said) felt dumb because I did not cry. What I did do though was ache in my heart for my friend for days on end after that. Her situation consumed my mind day and night and I prayed for her so very much. I realized that week what it means to bear anothers burdens.

I really don't have the answer for Victoria as to why some of us cry more than others, but I do know that whether we cry or not does not determine whether we have the Holy Spirit with in us and guess that is all that matters. Anyone have any other thoughts or ideas for helping her (and me) understand this?

cookie from God

Today we headed out for a day long shopping trip. Florida has tax free school shopping through the weekend. I haven't put together yet what all the Lord taught me today. I know I must have learned something, but I will have to recover from venturing out with 3 kids when everyone else in the state of Florida is out shopping before I will be able to articulate it. It was a long day!!

I have 2 kids that are homeschooling this year and only one (my second grader) going to school. He has to wear a uniform, and of course not one store had everything in his size, so we ended up having to go from store to store. We finally found all our school supplies and uniform attire. Two kids got new lunch boxes. Victoria insists that she still wants her lunch packed every day! (I think she just wanted the cute pink lunch cooler, but that is ok) We had chick-fil-a for lunch, took a trip to the candy store in the mall, and mom had a treat for herself with a caramel machiato from star bucks! Ok, enough about the details of my day, the point that I am getting at is a sweet little thing that happened to us in the mall.

Yesterday I wrote about teaching my kids how to be kind even when others are not kind to us. Well, when we were in the mall I came across a little kiosk that sold the sweetest pottery and dinnerware with scripture printed on it. We stopped to look, and the lady gave us a scripture fortune cookie. I opened it up, and I couldn't believe what scripture was in there! Romans 12:14 Bless those that persecute you. Just the verse we are learning this week! I thought that was pretty cool!! I showed it to the kids and read it out loud. Their mouths all dropped! They had to look at the little piece of paper themselves to see that I wasn't making it up!

Sometimes God gives us little bits of encouragement to keep us going and let us know that we are on the right track. I have always called those little blessings " a little cookie from God" reminding us that the "cake" will come if we keep pressing on. I heard that from an older lady I knew several years ago. Anytime someone got a little glimpse of good coming from their efforts she would always say, "He just gave you a little cookie to keep you going"
How fun that today I really did get a little cookie!

the other lesson in kindness

Kindness seems to be a never ending lesson in our house. Sometimes I feel like I go round and round with it never making much progress. One issue we are dealing with right now is when I ask one of my children "why were you unkind to____?" or "was that kind the way that you just treated your brother?" I usually get a "no-but" answer like....."no, but she hit me first" or "no, but he was being mean to me first" I realized today that in saying no, they understand the idea that they were being unkind, but they feel like they are entitled to be unkind if the other person deserves it. (see why I say I feel as if I go round and round!!)
Romans 12 gave me some great in site into what I need to teach next.
v. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse
v.17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. v.18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
v.19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath (or mom's :-)
I also was reminded of Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Isn't it hard to be nice to someone who is mean to you? I know this is a lesson for me too. I tend to pick up on others moods. I can carry on for a while with a joyful spirit, but after about the 5th nasty person in a store, I start to get a little nasty myself. On the contrary though, it is so easy for me to be nice to someone who is pleasant and friendly. But what does God say?? Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21

I think it takes God's help to be nice to people when they are being ugly. I guess along with this lesson I need to teach them that if they are anything like their mom they will need the help of God to bless those who are unkind to them.

"Nichols" Law

We have all heard of Murphy's Laws. I don't really even know who Murphy was or how his laws came about, but I do know that in our family we have what I call Nichols' Law. It states that ~anything and everything that can go wrong, will go wrong when Bob is gone!~

It is so very true, and I am not the only military wife I have heard make this same statement about their husbands absence. When I thought about this last night, I started going through all the things that have gone wrong over the years when Bob happens to be away, and I surprised myself with how much there really was to add to the list.

I can say for sure that we have had numerous visits to the emergency room while dad has been gone. Brady had stitches once and another time a fever that was so high he started having Febrile seizures. When Zack had bleeding while urinating, dad was away and missed that trip to the ER. Even our dog Maggie had an emergency trip to the vet when Bob returned from a TDY and found bumps and open sores on her head from what looked like a snake bite. I can't even begin to count the minor incidents like the times when the car would not start, or I locked my keys in the car. (I had to pay a lock smith while Bob was away just last month!!) Even major events like my devastating miscarriage last year happened when Bob was not here and I wasn't even able to get a hold of him. Several years ago Bob was deployed when his Dad had a heart attack. Bob was even gone at OTS on the scary day of September 11th. Then of course just this week we had the death of poor little Oreo!! The list just goes on!

The thing that made me think on this today is that even as I write this, I have an appointment set up with an electrician this afternoon because the lights in this part of the house are flickering and the breaker box is making sparks when the lights are turned on! As much as I hate to pay someone when normally Bob would try to look at it himself, he (of course) isn't here, and the last thing I need to add to this list is a house fire!!

Even Bob has asked "Why in the world does everything go wrong when I am not home??"

It is Nichols' Law I tell you.

But, after contemplating this a while, I realized that I think it has to do with my relationship with the Lord. Normally Bob is the first one I go to when I have a problem. I frantically call him whenever I can asking "what do I do???" He happens to be the calm one in our family, so he will usually give me sound logical advise, even in the midst of my panic. But the part that I forget is that when Bob is not here God still is. I think that might be why God has so many things go wrong when Bob is away. It is His chance to remind me that He is the first one I should go to in the face of a problem.

I heard this little saying once that I just love..."Run to the throne before the phone" We can use that same idea when we are tempted to call a friend in the face of a dilemma. There are often times when an "emotional" or "girly" issue comes up that I know Bob is not interested in hearing about, but I am just dying to call and bend the ear of a friend. I think that is ok, but I think God really longs to be the first one I go to. If I practice this more often, I think it will release a bit of the burden off of Bob as well. Usually when Bob is away it is because he is deployed and working very hard, or at school and over his head in stress. Maybe if I remember to run to the throne first, then by time I get to the phone I will be able to say....."Hey honey, the lights in the house are flickering and I think the breaker box is about to catch on fire, but don't worry I have it under control!! " Seeking God first.....isn't that what this blog is all about!

Little Oreo

Just a few weeks ago for Brady's Birthday he got a new little hamster named Oreo. We named him Oreo because he was all black with one white stipe in the middle of his body. He was one of Brady's favorite things and he loved him so much. (I am not sure the feelings were mutual, but Brady never knew!) All the kids loved him. Well, last night after I got off the computer and headed to bed I went to find Oreo, who had been rolling around the house in his little ball all evening, and put him in his cage for the night. I found Oreo's ball, but no Oreo. Saving all the details of the story, I'll just say that sadly little Oreo is no longer with us. The worst part about it is that all the kids were asleep and I was the only one to witness the tragic find. I guess in a way that was better, but I was so distressed over what to do, and what I was going to tell the kids. I frantically called Bob, and he told me that I should tell the kids the the truth, at least the fact that Oreo had passed. I'll let you in on a clue in telling you that we have a sweet golden retriever Maggie that has always wanted to play with Oreo. (that is the part Bob said would be ok to leave out) He also said that I should let the kids bury him in the yard.

Oh Lord help me! I was kind of thinking maybe I could just play dumb and act like I didn't know where he went!!! Ok, I knew that wasn't really possible, but I just didn't think this was something I was going to be able to handle. I knew I had to do it, so I just went to bed and prayed that in the morning God would give me the ability and the words to break the news to the kids.

Brady was up bright and early and of course looking for Oreo. I had to hold him off the best I could until I could get the other 2 up so I would only have to do this once. I called a family meeting on the couch at 7:00. After I told them that Oreo had died, they were all sad, but then the boys threw me off by asking if they could see him!! Bob had not told me this was going to happen, nor had I thought about what to do! Well, I prayed real quick in my head, and then decided that maybe they should see little Oreo and have closure. So, I took them out to the garage and showed them the empty fabric softener box I had turned in to a hamster casket. They both took a look and then Brady said...."it's ok mom, we can just pray and maybe God will make him back alive!" Where does a mom go with that one??? So many questions and so much to explain. All so fast, and with out warning or preparation. I am thankful that God got me through it. It made me realize that anything can happen in life that will just throw you off guard.
Although I was just as sad as anybody to see little Oreo gone, I am thankful for the lesson that I was able to teach my kids today about death. It is something that I was never really able to learn as a kid, and I think that might be why I fear it when I should not. I explained to my kids that the reason we were burying Oreo's body in the earth, is because our body's here on earth are of no use to God. He is only interested in our souls and our spirit which is His. I told them that when we get to heaven, He will give us a new body better than the one we have now. That led the kids to wonder if maybe Oreo would get to heaven and God would give him an elephants body instead or a tiger or something bigger and more powerful. They all giggled and laughed as they thought about what kid of body Oreo might rather have. After breakfast they all made a made a picture with markers for Oreo. I was amazed at how cute they all came out!

I can still tell that Brady doesn't get it. I had read once that 4 was the age that kids realize that death is permanent, but in Brady's case, he still doesn't understand. When I told him after dinner that it was going to be time for us to say good bye to Oreo he again said...."but mom....he is going to come back alive in a few days"

After dinner we went in the back yard and the kids picked a spot in the corner of the fence. We held hands and prayed and thanked God for the time we had with Oreo and asked Him to help us not to be sad. Then we put little Oreo in the ground, and the kids stuck in a little "head stone" that they made with a paint stick. It was painted by them and said OREO with a little cross underneath. It looks so cute back there in the corner.

I am such a planner, and started to get a little out of sorts when this lesson came up that was not in the lesson plan! I am thankful that God got me through it. This probably wouldn't have been a lesson I would have wanted to intetionally plan anyway. Glad He did it for me. God does know me well! :-)

Tomorrow is a new day

Today was one of those days when all the kids are finally in bed, and I just take a deep breath and wonder how I made it through the day! Parenting can be so exhausting sometimes. I know that it will all pay off one day. I can not wait to see the fruit. In the mean time, I am asking God to give me rest!
Tonight I think back to this morning when I woke up and it seems SO long ago, but at the same time the day seems like such a blur. Sometimes I wish the time could just stop so I could enjoy it a little more rather than the day flying by so fast. In our house there just never seems to be a quiet or a slow moment. Well except right now, when everyone is asleep except me!
It took me literally and hour and 20 minutes to make dinner tonight, and all we were having was fish sticks, boxed mac and cheese and peas (can't tell dad is out of town can you??) Between breaking up and talking through numerous fights, passing out reminders about using kind words, fixing someones toy that broke, or telling someone that we walk not run in the house for the 25th time today, even a task like making dinner can seem almost impossible.
I have to admit I did not even read my Bible today. :-( Maybe that is where I went wrong. I enjoyed my weekend with Bob, and then decided to sleep in today letting Brady be my alarm clock. Not a very good testament to seeking Him first. Thank goodness tomorrow is a new day.
Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Celebrating Me

Today we had another Birthday! Mine! I just love Birthdays so much, and put so much effort into celebrating them, even my own! When you are a little kid your mom makes the biggest deal of your Birthday, and it is always one of the most exciting days of the whole year. I learned about 2 years into my marriage that gift giving and throwing big celebrations are not my husbands love languages. He really tries, but it just isn't his thing. So, instead of making him feel bad every year if he did not fulfill my "expectations" (the ones I shouldn't have in the first place!) I decided that if I wanted a special Birthday or Mothers Day, I have to just do it myself like I do everyone else. I know that Bob loves me so much, but he just doesn't get into Birthdays or holidays all that much. And I do!! So, I released him of that and for many years now I have been making my own plans on these kinds of days. He never has seemed to mind one bit. I think he feels relieved of the pressure.

I make my own cake every year or if there is a store bought one I really want, I just buy it. I also plan the day for him. Today was no exception. The best part of my day was just that Bob was home for the weekend. It was a great day. This morning I took myself to have my hair done for no reason at all! I made the yummiest ALL chocolate cake, and I had dinner at the Boat Yard. It was a very good restaurant right on the water. At about 3:00 everyday all the fishing boats start coming in and throwing their catches up on the dock. It was so fun to watch. Quite addictive, because every time you start to leave another boat pulls up and you just want to stay and see what he will bring in. We saw a lot of great fish!
My day was perfect and I am so thankful today that the Lord made me! Some people may think it is corny to celebrate yourself, but why not? Anyway, my point for today was not to journal about how great my Birthday was (although I am glad to be able to share it!), but it was about what the Lord taught me today on my Birthday. All day today this verse kept popping into my head....Whatever exists has already been named, and what man is has been known;
no man can contend with one who is stronger than he. Ecclesiastes 6:10 Here is the NLT version. (I use this version a a lot with my kids and it often helps me a little too!!)
Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there's no use arguing with God about your destiny.

When I was younger I had all kinds of things I wanted to be. In high school I wanted to be a sports nutritionist. (my love of Cheetos and ice cream didn't quite match!) I wanted really badly to be a flight attendant at one point too. I went to college wanting to be a school teacher. I would teach Elementary School if I had the choice. Here is a silly little unknown fact about me! I have always wished I could be a hair dresser!! Not because I know one thing about hair!! I can't even fix my own, but I just think they are cool and always have such cute jewelry and shoes!! How fun it would be to make people look pretty. I also always wanted to have lots and lots AND LOTS of children. He didn't make me to have 17 children (although that would sure have been fun!!) He didn't make me to do any of these things. He made me to be right here where I am doing just what I am doing. Loving my husband and raising my 3 wonderful children. Although I don't know what all the Lord has planned for me in the future ( I hope grandma is on the list in there somewhere!) I know that He does! And that is all that matters. How freeing to know that He already knows!! He has it all planned out for me.
Thank you Lord for making me Deidra Marie Nichols, and for the life you have planned out for me.
Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. John 17:24

listening

Last night after we took Victoria out to dinner for her Birthday, we took a walk through Pet Smart. As we walked past the birds, fish, reptiles and more, I got a million "look mom!" "hey mom," "mom...mom......mom...." Every five minutes someone was telling me something or asking me a question. After a while this can get very crazy. But last night, the Lord opened my eyes to the fact that sometimes in such situations I end up just giving quick "yey, yey" or "oh wow" kind of answers when I really should be listening better to my kids, and using these opportunities to make conversation with them. I realized as I really started to listen to them, that they really had a lot of cute things to say, and a lot of interesting observations about the animals. It made me wonder how often I probably have missed out on such things because I am not really listening.
Later after the kids were in bed I was typing an e-mail and Bob called. He was telling me a really long story about an obstacle course type game he had been involved in at school that day, and I realized about half way through his story that I had no idea really what he was even talking about! I was just trying to listen and type my e-mail at the same time and giving him an "uh huh" and "oh wow" every few seconds as if I were really listening. But the truth is, if I had been asked to re-tell the story I wouldn't have been able to! :-( Again, the Lord opened my eyes to the fact that I am not being "quick to listen"

Today I looked up the word "hear" in a concordance, and found that the word "hear" occurs 550 times in 516 verse! Too many for me to look up today, but look at what I did find when I looked up some greek definitions......

Here are a few of the definitions for the word hear....to hear: ~to attend to, consider what is or has been said ~ to understand, perceive the sense of what is said
I also looked up some Bible references to NOT hearing and found this.....neglect to hear: ~to hear aside a) causally or carelessly or amiss ~to be unwilling to hear a) to neglect, to pay no heed to b) to refuse to hear, pay no regard to, disobey
Ouch! The flip side of hearing is to neglect...to pay no heed....pay no regard....disobey.....yikes!!

Thank you Lord for showing me that I need to be a better listener, to both You and the people around me. Please continue to prompt me to listen, and point out to me times when I am not being a good listener.

Victoria Lynn

Today is Victoria's Birthday. What a day to celebrate. This day is special not only because it was the day God gave us Victoria, but also because it was this day 12 years ago this morning that I became a mother.

It is so neat to see how that tiny little baby girl has turned into a beautiful young girl. There are so many things that I love about Victoria. Her heart is so sweet, and filled with so much love and compassion for others. She has a grateful heart. I love to see her get excited about the simple things in life. Ever since she was a little girl, she has never needed much to make her happy. On Christmas morning she would open one gift, and be done. Even though she still had a pile left to open, she was satisfied with just the one. This always made gift opening such a long task! We had to make her put down the previous gift and open another! She is still that way today. I think I could give her a bracelet from the $1 store and nothing else and she would be totally satisfied. A truly grateful little girl she always has been.

She has such a love of learning. Whether it is science or the Bible, Tori loves to learn. She loves school and gets excited when she learns something new. She also has a love for reading. Ever since she was a baby she has loved to read. She would sit on my lap and let me read for hours! I always wondered how long she really would go with out getting up if I just kept reading! Still to this day she can't put a book down. I buy her a new book, and get upset with her when she reads the whole thing in the first day!

Victoria is one of the most generous kids I have ever met. Even when she was just a toddler you could ask her for her last M&M and she would give it to you with out even hesitating. Even now, if we are short a piece of pie, she will be the first one too give hers up. She then will be sad if you turn her down and someone else goes with out.

I am thanking the Lord today for Victoria. She is truly a gift, and I can not wait to see what impact her sweet loving heart will make on this world one day.

remembering a great commissioning

Last night I sat after I put the kids to bed and read my Bible for several hours. It was something I had longed to do all day, but was never able to get a moment to myself to do it. Yesterday afternoon was one of those days when I felt like my days were so monotonous and I hope I am not alone in confession, that sometimes my job as a mom can feel so empty and unfulfilled. I love my children dearly, but some days it just feels like we really never get any instant gratification for the work that we put in. It probably doesn't help that my kids are really my only social circle right now. I have great neighbors, but no one around me is a Christian, and I am really struggling with what God has me here for and what I am supposed to be doing.

A few months ago one of my dearest friends and I went with a group of women to the Beth Moore conference in Albuquerque, NM. At the end of a powerful weekend, she gave us all a commissioning that we were to say to our neighbor. I often times go back to those words that I said to my neighbor that day. To me it was a moment of truth when I was sent forth on a mission, as less than a week later I left the place where I was, to follow God on this new journey He had for me. Here are the words we spoke over each other that day.....
Dearly loved one, you’ve been called by God to shine like a star in a dark, depraved world. Don’t blend in.
Refuse the daily temptation to be absorbed in yourself.
Take interest in others
Deliberately humble yourself And live the life of a servant
As you live in the crisis of “continue to”Keep working out what God is working in
Watch your mouth choose words of life and one glorious day..
You will see the face of Christ and He will show you
Every good purpose He fulfilled through you
And there will be delight
Even if you are despised or ignored
You are Christ’s star Go forth and shine
I feel like when when I heard this that day, it was a message to me from God as to what he wanted me to do when I got to this new place. He made it clear that he wanted me to shine... and not to blend in. He ordered me to refuse the temptation to be absorbed in myself....which I have done today by trying to find my worth in anything but Christ. He called me to take interest in others and deliberately humble myself and live a life of a servant. That means I am to get out there and show interest to those non-Christians and show Christ to them through my life. He also gave me my answer to where and when I will get my gratification for all my hard work. It will not be now. It will be when I see the face of Christ and He shows me every good purpose He fulfilled through me. .

One more little quote from that wonderful weekend "....grumbling almost always signals some measure of prayerlessness. Take your burdens and concerns, your heartache and your fears, and leave them in hands of the One who is working something in you that is "FOR" you and for His glory" ~Beth Moore

Thank you Lord for taking me tonight out of my "self" and for reminding me of this great commissioning. I will put my eyes back on You Lord, and I will Go forth and Shine as you have called me to do. I will turn my grumbles into more prayer. Forgive me Lord for trying to take my burdens and concerns on by myself. How silly, when you have offered to let me leave them in your hands. Thank you for all that you are working "in" me. Help me to work it back "out" for your glory. Amen

Thankful for this day

Today has been one of those days when nothing seems to go my way. Good thing the sermon at church yesterday was about finding the positive in every situation! Sometimes today I had to look REALLY hard, but I tried. I woke up at 3:30 and could not fall asleep. It was rather frustrating, because I went to bed early last night because I wanted to get caught up on my sleep and start my week off right with a little quiet time before kids on a Mon. morning. Well, I couldn't get back to sleep, so I prayed about anything and everything I could think of until about 5:30 or so when I think I finally fell back asleep. So much for my quiet rested Monday morning!

I didn't get to read my Bible at all this morning and I tried at least 3 times to sit in my room and pray, only to have Brady banging on the door within minutes crying about something or the other. (he was in one of those moods today) After breaking up endless fights and talking about being kind and not crying or throwing fits all morning, I finally decided we needed to go to the beach. We packed up the whole back of the truck with chairs, boogie boards, sand toys, towels, a cooler and more. We headed to the beach on base. There is a wooden board walk type bridge that you have to walk across to get to the beach and it has to be at least a half mile long. I pushed the stroller piled high with stuff (and Brady) while the 2 older kids lugged the rest. It must have taken us at least 20 minutes to get down to the sand. As soon as we got to the beach and settled ourselves into a spot, the sky got dark and lightning started flashing all around us!! I couldn't believe it!!
I made the decision at the beginning of this long walk back across this pier that the whole way across I would praise God for all that I could. I figured this would help me to keep from grumbling and complaining. It worked! It was hard, because I really wanted to complain, but I know that for all the things I have to complain about, I have 10 fold to be thankful for. I still havn't read my Bible today, and it has taken me the entire afternoon to complete this journal entry. I won't even begin to list all the "disasters" we have had today or how many "situations" I have delt with amongst the kids, but I am thankful for this day, and even thankful for all that has gone wrong with it! :o)