remembering a great commissioning

Last night I sat after I put the kids to bed and read my Bible for several hours. It was something I had longed to do all day, but was never able to get a moment to myself to do it. Yesterday afternoon was one of those days when I felt like my days were so monotonous and I hope I am not alone in confession, that sometimes my job as a mom can feel so empty and unfulfilled. I love my children dearly, but some days it just feels like we really never get any instant gratification for the work that we put in. It probably doesn't help that my kids are really my only social circle right now. I have great neighbors, but no one around me is a Christian, and I am really struggling with what God has me here for and what I am supposed to be doing.

A few months ago one of my dearest friends and I went with a group of women to the Beth Moore conference in Albuquerque, NM. At the end of a powerful weekend, she gave us all a commissioning that we were to say to our neighbor. I often times go back to those words that I said to my neighbor that day. To me it was a moment of truth when I was sent forth on a mission, as less than a week later I left the place where I was, to follow God on this new journey He had for me. Here are the words we spoke over each other that day.....
Dearly loved one, you’ve been called by God to shine like a star in a dark, depraved world. Don’t blend in.
Refuse the daily temptation to be absorbed in yourself.
Take interest in others
Deliberately humble yourself And live the life of a servant
As you live in the crisis of “continue to”Keep working out what God is working in
Watch your mouth choose words of life and one glorious day..
You will see the face of Christ and He will show you
Every good purpose He fulfilled through you
And there will be delight
Even if you are despised or ignored
You are Christ’s star Go forth and shine
I feel like when when I heard this that day, it was a message to me from God as to what he wanted me to do when I got to this new place. He made it clear that he wanted me to shine... and not to blend in. He ordered me to refuse the temptation to be absorbed in myself....which I have done today by trying to find my worth in anything but Christ. He called me to take interest in others and deliberately humble myself and live a life of a servant. That means I am to get out there and show interest to those non-Christians and show Christ to them through my life. He also gave me my answer to where and when I will get my gratification for all my hard work. It will not be now. It will be when I see the face of Christ and He shows me every good purpose He fulfilled through me. .

One more little quote from that wonderful weekend "....grumbling almost always signals some measure of prayerlessness. Take your burdens and concerns, your heartache and your fears, and leave them in hands of the One who is working something in you that is "FOR" you and for His glory" ~Beth Moore

Thank you Lord for taking me tonight out of my "self" and for reminding me of this great commissioning. I will put my eyes back on You Lord, and I will Go forth and Shine as you have called me to do. I will turn my grumbles into more prayer. Forgive me Lord for trying to take my burdens and concerns on by myself. How silly, when you have offered to let me leave them in your hands. Thank you for all that you are working "in" me. Help me to work it back "out" for your glory. Amen