remembering a great commissioning

Last night I sat after I put the kids to bed and read my Bible for several hours. It was something I had longed to do all day, but was never able to get a moment to myself to do it. Yesterday afternoon was one of those days when I felt like my days were so monotonous and I hope I am not alone in confession, that sometimes my job as a mom can feel so empty and unfulfilled. I love my children dearly, but some days it just feels like we really never get any instant gratification for the work that we put in. It probably doesn't help that my kids are really my only social circle right now. I have great neighbors, but no one around me is a Christian, and I am really struggling with what God has me here for and what I am supposed to be doing.

A few months ago one of my dearest friends and I went with a group of women to the Beth Moore conference in Albuquerque, NM. At the end of a powerful weekend, she gave us all a commissioning that we were to say to our neighbor. I often times go back to those words that I said to my neighbor that day. To me it was a moment of truth when I was sent forth on a mission, as less than a week later I left the place where I was, to follow God on this new journey He had for me. Here are the words we spoke over each other that day.....
Dearly loved one, you’ve been called by God to shine like a star in a dark, depraved world. Don’t blend in.
Refuse the daily temptation to be absorbed in yourself.
Take interest in others
Deliberately humble yourself And live the life of a servant
As you live in the crisis of “continue to”Keep working out what God is working in
Watch your mouth choose words of life and one glorious day..
You will see the face of Christ and He will show you
Every good purpose He fulfilled through you
And there will be delight
Even if you are despised or ignored
You are Christ’s star Go forth and shine
I feel like when when I heard this that day, it was a message to me from God as to what he wanted me to do when I got to this new place. He made it clear that he wanted me to shine... and not to blend in. He ordered me to refuse the temptation to be absorbed in myself....which I have done today by trying to find my worth in anything but Christ. He called me to take interest in others and deliberately humble myself and live a life of a servant. That means I am to get out there and show interest to those non-Christians and show Christ to them through my life. He also gave me my answer to where and when I will get my gratification for all my hard work. It will not be now. It will be when I see the face of Christ and He shows me every good purpose He fulfilled through me. .

One more little quote from that wonderful weekend "....grumbling almost always signals some measure of prayerlessness. Take your burdens and concerns, your heartache and your fears, and leave them in hands of the One who is working something in you that is "FOR" you and for His glory" ~Beth Moore

Thank you Lord for taking me tonight out of my "self" and for reminding me of this great commissioning. I will put my eyes back on You Lord, and I will Go forth and Shine as you have called me to do. I will turn my grumbles into more prayer. Forgive me Lord for trying to take my burdens and concerns on by myself. How silly, when you have offered to let me leave them in your hands. Thank you for all that you are working "in" me. Help me to work it back "out" for your glory. Amen

Thankful for this day

Today has been one of those days when nothing seems to go my way. Good thing the sermon at church yesterday was about finding the positive in every situation! Sometimes today I had to look REALLY hard, but I tried. I woke up at 3:30 and could not fall asleep. It was rather frustrating, because I went to bed early last night because I wanted to get caught up on my sleep and start my week off right with a little quiet time before kids on a Mon. morning. Well, I couldn't get back to sleep, so I prayed about anything and everything I could think of until about 5:30 or so when I think I finally fell back asleep. So much for my quiet rested Monday morning!

I didn't get to read my Bible at all this morning and I tried at least 3 times to sit in my room and pray, only to have Brady banging on the door within minutes crying about something or the other. (he was in one of those moods today) After breaking up endless fights and talking about being kind and not crying or throwing fits all morning, I finally decided we needed to go to the beach. We packed up the whole back of the truck with chairs, boogie boards, sand toys, towels, a cooler and more. We headed to the beach on base. There is a wooden board walk type bridge that you have to walk across to get to the beach and it has to be at least a half mile long. I pushed the stroller piled high with stuff (and Brady) while the 2 older kids lugged the rest. It must have taken us at least 20 minutes to get down to the sand. As soon as we got to the beach and settled ourselves into a spot, the sky got dark and lightning started flashing all around us!! I couldn't believe it!!
I made the decision at the beginning of this long walk back across this pier that the whole way across I would praise God for all that I could. I figured this would help me to keep from grumbling and complaining. It worked! It was hard, because I really wanted to complain, but I know that for all the things I have to complain about, I have 10 fold to be thankful for. I still havn't read my Bible today, and it has taken me the entire afternoon to complete this journal entry. I won't even begin to list all the "disasters" we have had today or how many "situations" I have delt with amongst the kids, but I am thankful for this day, and even thankful for all that has gone wrong with it! :o)

It's not about me

This morning the kids and I were still undecided as to which church we would try this week. Last night I stayed up late looking at all the options, and praying that God would send us to the right one. I wasn't really so much worried with picking the one we would join permanently, as Bob is not here and he will have to make that decision, but I just wanted to be where God wanted me today to worship Him.
We ended up trying a First United Methodist Church. I don't know a lot about the Methodist Church, but we ended up really enjoying the service and the kids loved the children's program. I went to the contemporary service, and the worship was wonderful and the message was just what I needed. It was about positive thinking, and looking forward to what is ahead with joy rather than dread. He talked about how God takes us out of our comfort zone sometimes when He wants to grow us in our faith. He forces us to move in a different direction when we really just want to stay where we are at. That was me this morning (and the past 2 months really!) I found myself irritated and missing my old life. My old church, my old friends, my old house, my old neighborhood. I was so irritated at having to find a new church, none of them were going to be like my old one.
I am glad this morning that the Lord straightened out my way of thinking. I am praying today that the Lord will help me to trust Him and be excited about what he has new for me rather than dwelling on what I had before. I need to be looking forward with anticipation of not only what God has for me, but what I will do to serve Him. Where can I be used? How can I make a difference here where I am? I have changed my thoughts from....what is there here for me? to: How can I serve here? And where will God use me to further His Kingdom?

Soaring like an Eagle

My friend called me this morning and gave me these 2 wonderful scriptures. I wrote them down, and just meditated on them both all day. The first one was Psalm 73:23-26 I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. What a wonderful reminder that God is always with me and always guiding me. I had a vision of Him when I first read this verse, holding my hand in His just like a little girl and taking me through my journey of parenting. The second part eases all my worries, because it reminds me that He is all I need.....my portion forever! How beautiful.

The second verse was Isaiah 40:29, 31 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak......those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. I love the part of the eagle. It doesn't say I will be frantically flapping my wings, exhausted and trying to stay up in the air (how I have felt a good part of this week!) He says I will soar on wings like eagles. If you have ever seen an eagle flying through the air, the first thing that you will notice is how little they even flap their wings. They hardly use any of their own energy at all. They just open their "arms" and let the wind move them. That is how I want to live. With open arms, letting God lead me. And what would happen if that eagle were to put it's "arms" down by its side??? It would start falling straight downward!! We need to remember to open our wings and let God lead us by the wind of His Holy Spirit.

There is nothing better than a good friend sharing scripture with you when you need it most. Thanking the Lord today for the friends He has placed in my life to make sure I keep soaring!

The pre-teen Battle

To elaborate on one of my worst parenting days ever .......all in one day my 12 year old daughter told me that she didn't even want to be a Christian, my Bible verses were stupid, and the most dreadful...."I hate you" flew out of her mouth for the first time ever. A little too much for one mom to handle in one day! But here is the confusing part, by dinner she had come back to a rational disposition, and even ASKED ME if I wanted to do our devotional together after dinner. ???? We did, and it was really a sweet time.

I am really having to lean heavily on the Lord for how to deal with a pre-teen. It is such an awkward time and girls especially are filled with such a rolling tide of emotions. A lot of moms I know use this as simply and excuse for their daughters behavior, but I am trying to be sensitive to the fact while also teaching her that hormone changes and emotions are not an excuse to act ugly or hateful. After all, she is a woman, so she will most likely have hormones and wacky emotions her whole life. It is probably important to teach her this early on.

It is so hard to find a good mentor when parenting a pre-teen. it is something I have been praying for for a long time. Where are all the Christian parents of pre-teens?? Why is it that our church nursery's are over flowing with babies and toddlers, but our pre-teen programs are scant?? It is such a mystery to me. I don't understand where they all go.

I have lots of friends, but they all seem to have smaller children. I really would love to have an older mom who has been where I am now and give me some positive encouragement. The mom's I usually talk to with kids Tori's age or older usually give me encouragement with comments like...."oh it only gets better!" (sarcastically said) or "oh you think it is bad now, wait until she is 16!!" I wish I had a quarter for every time I have heard that line. For now I'll keep praying for God to send a positive mentor into my life, but until then I will just keep praying everyday.

It brought tears to my eyes tonight when I thought about Tori when she was just a toddler. Little blond curly locks and the sweetest little giggle, would crawl up in my lap and let me read or tell her stories for hours on end. The whole time from then until now seems like such a blur. I don't know how we got from there to here so fast. Although puberty has made those curly locks straight, and her giggle sound a little more grown up, she is still the sweetest little girl just trying to fight against an enemy that is crouching at her door. I will pray with all my might for her until she wins the battle.

trying not to grow weary

I think today may have been one of my most challenging days of being a mom yet. I am clinging to this verse today as I struggle not to grow weary in my parenting.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 Notice how it says at the proper time.
So many times (even in just one day!) I want to just give up. To believe that this is just too hard, and that I am not getting anywhere in my parenting. Having a 12 year old will quickly do that to you! I am trying to keep my head up and my eyes focused on Christ, and trust His Word that says: The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Galatians 6:8
So, that means that if I give up, cave in, get angry, grow weary, (my sinful nature) then I will reap destruction. If I keep my eyes on the Lord, and sow from the Spirit with peace, joy, patience, self control, then I will reap eternal life...in my children I hope.

Too much friend time

We live in a wonderful neighborhood with lots of other children around. This can be a blessing at times when the kids are looking for a playmate, but I have to admit that sometimes I do wonder if it would have been better to live somewhere else where kids were not knocking on the door all day everyday. It really makes it hard to stay in a routine, or to keep my kids attention for long because as soon as someone knocks on the door they jump up and want to run outside to play. Sometimes it is wonderful because it gives me time to clean up or just sit on the front porch and read, but I am finding that too much time playing with friends really interrupts my day with the them. As my kids get older, I find this a challenge.
When my children were smaller, a friend would knock on the door, and 2 or more moms and their kids would enjoy sometime outside together. The kids would play the moms would talk, and when playtime was over the kids would go in with mom and we would play again another time.
Now as my kids get older I find that the kids in our neighborhood just run around all day long with out any real direction or adult interaction. I am trying to figure out how to deal with this. Some might think that I am keeping them from learning independence, but I am just not sure it is healthy for them to have self directed play for long periods of time with other kids. As kids get older, I find that parents stop playing with them, and expect them to entertain themselves. This seems to be the case in our neighborhood anyway.
My real problem here is not what other parents do with their kids (or don't do I guess) but just that it is really hard for my kids to concentrate on anything that I am trying to do with my own kids, if all the neighborhood kids are out running around and my children really want to be with them. It is really disturbing when my kids and I are right in the middle of a game of UNO or a craft project, and the door bell rings. All the sudden they are no longer interested in what ever we where doing before, they now just want to go outside. If I tell them no and make them stay in, then they are upset and still will not go back to enjoying what ever it was we were doing before. The past few days I have been trying to take the kids somewhere out of the house for a good part of the day so that I don't have to deal with it. Like yesterday we went to the pool, today the skating ring, and I am already thinking up a day at the beach tomorrow, but to have to leave my own house to get the full attention of my kids seems a little aggravating. I am praying about it, but could really use some good advise if anyone has any.

Parenting Priorities

Yesterday I had a great talk with my girlfriend about disciplining. We talked about deciding which things are most important to focus on, and which are not quite as urgent. Basically determining what are the "heart" issues that are going to be our primary focus. For example, Brady really has a hard time shutting the front door when he comes in from outside. While this is very annoying and hiking up our electric bill, it isn't really an issue that is probably going to effect His walk with the Lord later in life. He also is struggling with having a unhappy heart and throwing temper tantrums. His unhappy heart and lack of self control to me seem more important than the smaller issue of not shutting the door at this point.

This is not a new issue for me, but one that I feel like I need to re-examine right now do to the fact that I feel very overwhelmed with disciplining and teaching my children. My 3 are all such different ages and all have different issues they are dealing with all at the same time. I feel like there are so many issues that if I try to tackle them all at once, I will go crazy. (if I haven't already!) So, what I decided to do today is sit down and pick out a few things that I want to really focus on for now, and make them my priority. Once I feel like I have a good handle on these issues, I will move on to a new list while maintaining a handle on the previous issues.
Here are the ones I came up with for now that I really want to focus on:


** obedience- doing what we ask when we ask with out delay or as Zack has been saying lately...."wait one second..." ~Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Ephesians 6:1
**having a good attitude/ joyful countenance- zero tolerance for a negative attitude, whining, or complaining -do all things with a joyful heart even if you don't want to
~Always be joyful, praying always, No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
~A cheerful look brings joy to the heart; good news makes for good health.
**being Kind to one another- zero tolerance for unkind words to anyone
~ be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians4:32
**No fighting-
~live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 1Peter 3:8
~Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness James 3:8

taking out the trash

This morning during my quiet time I came across 2 more verses that helped me to understand how to walk in the Spirit and not the flesh. They both refer to our thoughts. I think a lot of the times that I fall back into the flesh it is because of my thoughts. One negative or wrong thought can spiral into walking in the flesh.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:3
Being transformed by the renewing of my mind......again, that is a process not an overnight switch. In order for the Holy Spirit to transform me, I have to let Him renew my mind and I must make the choice to change my thoughts. So what should I be thinking??

whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8
In quiet time this morning God gave me a vision. A vision help me remember that my mind is in the process of being renewed. My vision was of a garbage can!!! Anything that does not fit into the Philippians 4:8 category, it should go right into the trash can!
Lord help me all day today to fill up that garbage can with anything that is not of you.

The battle

It has been such a long week for me. Tonight I realized that somewhere along the way this week I fell away from seeking God first. I have been so busy, and choosing to get stuff done rather than seeking God first and allowing Him to lead me into accomplishing it all. It only takes one little slip, and before I know it I have gone way off the path. Where I found myself as a result was worn out, exhausted and completely overwhelmed.
My friend called tonight, and I knew right away when she called that I needed prayer. As we prayed, I realized once again that I had fallen back into the flesh rather than walking in the Spirit. Walking in the Spirit is something my friend and I have been discussing for some time. What it means to walk in the Spirit, how we walk in the Spirit, why sometimes we do and sometimes we don't. What I realized tonight, is that everything that I struggle with, fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, parenting obstacles, they are all results of not walking in the Spirit. My biggest problem, is that I can walk in the Spirit for a while, and then all the sudden I find myself back in the flesh again. (like this week!) So what triggers it??
For some, I think walking in the Spirit constantly comes a little easier. I think when we learned it and lived it early on, or had it lived before us as a child through our parents, it might make it easier. I'm not sure. I realized tonight that it is a transformation. Not something I can do over night. For me, walking int he Spirit is going to take practice. I am going to have to work at it and fight the battle of the flesh everyday. I am going to have to make the choice to walk in the Spirit every day, and recognize when my flesh is trying to take hold so that I can stop it before it gets in the way. The Bible says what walking in the Spirit will produce: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Galatians 5:22-23 all of which I struggle with and my children struggle with as well. If I am not producing these attitudes, then I know that I am in the flesh and not the Spirit.
Here are the deeds of the flesh: ( like the New Century version of this verse)
sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfishness, divisions, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin. Galatians 5:20-21

My answer to what triggers the fall from Spirit to the flesh I found in Galatians 5:16-18 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
It is a battle between the flesh and the Spirit. I have to keep my eyes on Christ constantly to keep from letting the enemy and his sly ways creep in and lead me back to the flesh.

I am so glad my friend called tonight. The Lord led us to pray together, because He knew we both needed to be moved back into walking in the Spirit and not the flesh.

Celebrating Brayden

Today we celebrated Brady's 4th Birthday. His real Birthday is not until next week on the 25th, but because Bob is leaving this weekend for 5 weeks, we decided to celebrate before them. We had a wonderful day. I threw a little party with all the neighborhood kids, and we all had so much fun. We have such a great neighborhood, and I am so thankful that God helped us find this house. There is a epidemic in our neighborhood of Hamster pets! All the kids have been getting them, and a couple of the neighbors decided Brady needed one too!! (Yes, they asked mom first!!) He is Black with a stripe in the middle. Brady named him Oreo. I can tell already that Brady loves him to pieces.
I am just thanking God today for my little Brady. He is such a blessing, and our family would not be complete with out him and his sweet little smile.

choosing what is better

Bob built me a railing to go around my front porch. My job was to paint it white. I set out to paint today, and found it hard to keep the kids busy during such a project. Zack read me a chapter from his book on the porch swing, Brady colored with sidewalk chalk for a bit, but it didn't take long for them to get bored, and it was getting harder to get this project finished. It was a project that was hard to start and not finish, but keeping the kids entertained was going to be a challenge. A little voice in my head kept saying......."let them help you..." but right after that one another voice would say...."no way!! They would make a mess and that would make the job take even longer!!" Well, despite my flesh really not wanting the help, I decided to get the kids involved in this painting project. Yes, it did end up being messier, and the rails don't look quite as "pretty" as they would have had I done it myself, but working with the kids was fun, and gave us all a lesson in helping and working together.

When I sat on the porch swing tonight eating Popsicles with the kids and talking about the rail "we" had painted together, I realized that the whole time we live in this house my kids and I will remember how hard we worked in the 120 degree Florida heat index to paint our porch. What a blessing. So glad I didn't miss out on it by listening to my self seeking flesh.

I ran into the same issue tonight as I sat down to decorate Brady's Birthday cake after the boys were in bed. Tori came in, sat down at the kitchen table and asked if she could help. That little voice again told me to teach her to decorate, while the other reminded me that if I did, the cake might not look "perfect". I chose what was better. Tori had a great time learning to decorate a Birthday cake with me. The cake turned out wonderful, and hopefully I taught my daughter a skill that she will someday improve on and make cakes for her own children.

forced to slow down

I went to bed last night with a huge agenda for today on my mind. I had a spur of the moment idea to have a little Birthday celebration for Brady Thursday night with his little neighborhood friends before Bob leaves this weekend. My morning was jam packed with running around to get a few things to throw this last minute little cake and ice cream deal together. It had to be accomplished on a time crunch, because the kids have a craft camp at Michael's at 1:00 and Bob is getting off early today in hopes of taking them to a matinee at the movies. I got all the kids ready and we were in a rush to get to Target and the party store and and sneak in a little visit to my favorite bakery for a coffee and a bagel. Well, I should have known that in all my rushing and fussing (which comes along automatically with rushing) ...oh and don't forget fighting....amongst the kids anyway, about who was bringing what and who was sitting where in the car ect.
I thought I had it all figured out.....Zack hasn't done his reading yet, but he can read to me in the car on the way there, and Tori can do her math when we get back. .......rush rush hurry hurry...we don't have much time... out to the car we run....balancing packages for the post office, purse, bags, water bottles and more......

Well, as you can see we didn't leave. Why am I here on the computer?
You can't get too far when your car doors are locked and the keys are in the front seat!!

The vehicle I am driving is not my own. It actually is a loaner from the dealer. (another story for another day!!) I already called them. They do not know the security code for the key pad, and they don't have a spare!!

I am truly convinced that God hates it when I rush. He really never seems to allow me to be in too much of a hurry. I try, and some how or another he always slows me down! I guess I should take my time, and let God lead....my rushing sure didn't get me too far today!!

As I sit here waiting for the "pop-a-lock" guy to get here (wonder how much that is going to cost me) I will ponder how much we probably miss out on hearing from God when we are in a hurry. I am glad he slowed me down today. Now I will have more time to listen.

Waiting for answers

I started out my day yesterday in a grumpy mood. Upset, because Bob doesn't seem to have finding us a church on our list of priorities. I want so badly to find a church, and be in fellowship with other Christians. I realized today though that I need to just chill out a bit and let God do it for us in His time. We did have a wonderful day yesterday. We had a late lunch/dinner at a steak restaurant that the the kids got free kids meals to at VBS. Then we walked around the mall a bit. (We had not even been in there yet! ) Afterwards we just drove all around the area for several hours. We looked at houses and marina's and fishing docks. We stopped at Sonic for Slusshies, and and really had a fun "Sunday drive" I guess you would call it. I enjoyed the time with my family and just talking and being with them in the car. I also enjoyed that it was the first day Bob did not have a "project" to work on around the house.

I know God will find us a church. We have tried one up the street, but it just didn't seem to be what we were looking for. Bob is leaving in less than a week now, and so I am torn as to whether to just find a church myself while he is gone, or just not go to church until he gets back. Maybe I could just attend one until Bob can come and make the decision about where to make our church home. I guess I will just pray about it. Some times I feel like I am praying for a whole bunch of answers about a whole bunch of things, and not knowing when I am going to get the answer. Waiting for answers is hard.......guess that is my impatience creeping in, but some things are ticking on a time crunch. Like the kids school, our car situation, ..... I guess I'll go into those another day!

Shackles

If there has even been a question of whether we serve a mighty God...it was surly answered today! I ran 9 MILES this morning!! I can't even believe it myself. It was actually a great run and it took me 1 hour 28 minutes. My marathon is still 14 weeks away, but I am already more sure of God's ability to help me finish! I had some new songs on my i-pod this morning. Including the one we have been looking for Kelly F.- Shackles by Mary Mary......it was hard to run to though, because it made me want to stop and dance girl!! :0) While I was running I changed the wods a bit and sang it.....Take the shackles off my feet so I can RUN...I'm gonna praise Him....I'm gonna praise Him!! :) Well, gotta go enjoy the rest of my weekend with my family....so glad my long run is done for this week!!

David's plan vs God's plan

Ok, I am on a roll today.....2 entries in one day...a little ridiculous, but I am so into the Word today and just can't seem to get away from this table!! Maybe it is because tomorrow is the weekend and my husband has already got a ton of things he wants us to do like going to the beach and other family stuff, and so the Lord wants to fill me up for the weekend!!.
As I continued on reading this morning I found some good stuff and can't help but journal it ....

In 2 Samuel 7 (and 1Chronicles 17) David (who is now King) has an idea to build a temple for the Ark of the covenant. He tells his friend Nathan about his idea, and as most good friends would do, Nathan says...."Yeah man, go for it!" After all what he wants to do is for the Lord and it looks all good right?? Well in verse 3 there is a "but" it says That night the word of the Lord came to Nathan, saying: “Go and tell my servant David, ‘This is what the Lord says: You are not the one to build me a house to dwell in." Then God goes on to tell David that He has other plans for him.

I learned 2 things from this chapter. One is that as friends, we shouldn't always just be quick to tell our friends....Yeah, go for it! Even if what they are thinking about doing looks great and would seem glorifying to God. Maybe our response should be more like "I will pray about that for you, and if that is what the Lord wants you to I will support you!" I wonder if Nathan was a little too quick to speak. I wonder if a lot of times I am too. (I think I already know the answer to that!) I think it also tells us that if we are to seek advise of approval from a friend we should make sure that they are seeking God's wisdom as well and that we don't take their opinion before asking God's.

The second is that not all things that are "good" or seem to be what God wants us to do are actually what he wants. We ALWAYS have to ask God if that is His desire for us or our own. Obviously David wanting to build a temple for God was a wonderful idea and really showed his love for Him, but it wasn't what God wanted David to do at that time. I need to remember that when something comes up that looks great and I think God would surely want me to do it. I still need to ask Him first, and not be so shocked if His answer is no. I have had to learn this over the past year as I have let go a lot of the "good" things I was going and activities I was involved in to spend more time focusing on what God really wants me to do. There are so many ministries out there that need help, and it can be so tempting for me to take one on, but for right now I am pretty certain that God has told me that my ministry is at home. Right here teaching my children to follow the Lord. If you read on in chapter 17 God actually kind of tells David the same thing....verse 12 says..When your days are over and you rest with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, who will come from your own body, and I will establish his kingdom. How neat! If you read my entry a few days ago I talked about how I felt I was the beginning of a new generation of Christ followers. I have a lot of work to do to prepare my off spring to establish His kingdom! Listen to verse 16 Your house and your kingdom will endure forever before me; your throne will be established forever.’ I think that makes it worth all the hard work!!
This is David's (and mine!!) response to the Lords promise......“Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?

Spirit Confusion

This morning I was reading in 1 Samuel. In Chapter 16 David had just been chosen as God's anointed, and in verse 13 it says the spirit of the Lord came mightily upon David from that day forward. Then in verse 14 it says the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the Lord terrorized him. This is where I got really confused. Is it only in the Old Testament that the spirit could depart from us?? I thought the Word said that the Spirit, once in us, could not depart from us. I looked up that verse next and it reads As for me, this is my covenant with them," says the Lord. "My Spirit, who is on you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouths of your children, or from the mouths of their descendants from this time on and forever," says the Lord. Isaiah 59:21 Even though this is still in the Old Testament, I know that Isaiah is a prophet, and is speaking about the Messiah in this verse, so does that mean that before that time the Spirit was able to depart from us but now that Christ left us with the Spirit now it can not depart from us?? The Spirit was with God before He even created the earth from what I read in Genesis 1:2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
The more I ponder it the more confused I get, so for right now maybe I should pray on it for a bit. I thought that writing it out would help me grasp it a little better, but so far it is only bringing on more questions! I sure hope this is not a theological debate question, because the last time I got myself wrapped up in one of those I had a headache for a week!

Emotional Overload

I have been struggling for a little while now with Brady having temper tantrums and angry out busts. It has been so troubling to see him get so frustrated and most of the time he seems so out of control that it seems almost impossible to even ration with him in the moment. It is usually triggered by something he can't have or he is told he has to wait for, something someone else has done to him that made him angry, or just plain being told no and he doesn't like it. He will scream and kick and eventually it will usually escalate into an all out fit where he can't even control himself enough to listen to reason. It has been so frustrating and most of the time I get to a point where I feel like I am going to loose it! I have been putting him in time out at the first sign of his fit and allowing time to calm himself down before I try to talk to him. This seems to be working a bit, and I think it has been good for him to learn how to get himself under control emotionally, but today I had a new thought.

Anytime my children go through a phase where they are crying a lot or seem overly emotional, it is usually a time when they are transitioning from one "season" or mile stone in their stages of growth or trying to test new boundaries. I think right now, Brady is moving into a "season" where he is trying to articulate his emotions.
Today we were at Chick-Fila and all three kids where in the play area while I ordered our food. When I was ready to eat I called them all to come out to our table. The 2 older ones grabbed their shoes and came running out leaving Brady behind. All the sudden, right through the glass enclosed play area, I heard a piercing scream and Brady soon came flying out of the play area and ran right up to his brother slapping him across the back as hard as he could screaming something I couldn't even understand because he was so out of control. (Yes, embarrassingly right there in front of the entire lunch time crowded restaurant!)
My initial reaction was to snatch him up and head straight for some in the car discipline, but as I looked at Brady's eyes filled with tears I could tell that there was something else going on here. Brady was overwhelmed with emotion and didn't know how to deal with it. I stooped down right then and there and asked Brady how he felt at that moment. He said "MAD!" I agreed with him that he looked mad and that it wasn't very nice for Tori and Zack to not wait for him. I then asked him if he felt "scared" and as his eyes filled with more tears he said yes. I took a few moments to tell him how he should have dealt with his emotions rather than how he did. I told him to go up to Zack and tell him that he made him mad when he left him, and that he felt scared. He went right up to Zack and told him. I could tell already that he was feeling better. I put myself in his shoes and asked him if he thought that if one of my friends made me mad, would it be OK for me to scream at her and then go hit her?? He agreed no. I now know that it is going to be important for me to not only teach Brady how to get his emotions under control, but also how to handle them in the appropriate way. I thanked God for allowing me the patience to turn this into a teachable moment rather than just getting frustrated with him and missing the opportunity to see what it is Brady really needs.
Once I feel like he knows what the right thing to do is and still chooses to throw a fit or lash out, then I guess that will be the time when discipline will come back into the picture, but for right now, I think what Brady needs is to learn how to identify with his emotions and how to react to them properly.

Having the attitude of Abraham

We just recently moved to Florida from far away New Mexico. It has been about 2 months now, and with all the business of the move I really haven't had a whole lot of time to dwell on the fact that I just left some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. Until tonight, when I saw a mini van exactly like my friend's pulling out of the Wendy's parking lot. ( I got a lump in my throat and realized that there will not be any more trips to Wendy's to sneak in an Oreo fix n mix!!!) I think I also got choked up because I am so used to seeing that van and expecting it to be my friend. Alamogordo is a very small town, so there are only so many duplicate cars! For a brief moment I forgot where I was. I forgot that I was so far away from that sweet little town I cried going to initially, but grew to adore.
I have been moving around my whole life, but one thing I have found is that it never gets any easier. It might actually get harder. The dread of getting settled in a new place stems from the fact that you don't really want to get too attached only to have to be tugged away again in 3 or 4 years. My time in NM when by so fast. I really can't even understand why God took me from there. I had some of the best Christian friends, and really was growing in the Lord right where I was. It was really one of my biggest growth spurts ever right there in the dry desert. Go figure! I guess right now, I don't have to know why I am here, just have to be obedient and wait. I know that the Lord must have a good reason. Maybe it isn't even for me. Maybe it is for Bob, maybe for one of the kids. I guess for now I will try to get out of my pit of sorrow and look forward with anticipation. After all, it's not about me......it's about being surrendered so God can do what He needs to do through me.
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. Hebrew 11:8

a new generation

The other day my friend and I were chatting on the phone. We were talking about how as moms, sometimes we feel like we are just getting it all wrong and not doing anything right. Sometimes it is so hard to look ahead and see that all our time and effort of teaching and guiding our kids is ever really going to pay off. I know that is all not true. I know that if we are seeking God's direction our kids are going to turn out to Love God and obey his commands, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like we are getting anywhere. Yes, we all make mistakes, and half the time I do feel like I must being doing it ALL wrong, but then the Lord gave me this thought:

I actually did not grow up in a Christian home. I never stepped foot in a church, not with my parents anyway. No one tough me about the Bible, no one in my house prayed with me or for me that I know of. I can't actually think of one person in my family, even extended family that was even a Christian or went to church. How I came out a white sheep in this black herd, I really do not know. It still amazes me and definitely is a true example of God's Amazing Grace. Still to this day I am the only Christian in my family. I pray often for all of them all the while pondering with why God chose me. I still don't know the answer to that, but I am for sure thankful!
Anyway, I was reading Psalm 27 this morning and came across this verse.....10: When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. I would hate for my mom and dad ever hear me say that they have forsaken me, because I love them both very much. But, the truth is, in the area of bringing me up in the ways and knowledge of the Lord they really did forsake me. So, knowing where I came from and comparing it to where I am now, I am living proof that God will fill in where we lack. It gives me hope to know that even in the areas that I feel like I am not doing well enough, I will keep trying harder, but if I came from where I did with as little as I had for direction, I have great hope that with all that I am trying my best to teach my children, they will turn out even better than I did, and hopefully from this point on we will continue on for generations to teach and carry on the faith. I feel like I am the beginning of a new generation. I did not have the examples and memories of what a Godly mother does That makes it extra hard for me, because it doesn't just come naturally for me to talk about the Lord or teach my children about Him all day long. One thing I do know that I am doing right, is following God's leading, and praying for them constantly. Hopefully I will leave my children with much more than I had. I pray that they will carry it on for generations to come.

a virtuous woman

This morning I was plagued with a moment of comparison and insecurity as a mom. A feeling that comes to me quite often. I have to quickly turn my eyes back on Jesus and remember that He is the one that will make Deidra who he wants Deidra to be and not me making myself like someone else I see who seems to have all the characteristics I think He would want me to have.

I was lead to read Proverbs 31 and do a check on how I am doing at becoming a virtuous women.
Tori was at the table with me and so I read it to her as well. I hope that when she is older she will also have the desire to fill the shoes of this woman described in these verses. I think when my boys are older it will be important for me to teach them to look for a woman who fits this description for a wife.
One area I was convicted in this morning and that I need to get back on track with is verse 15: She gets up while it is still dark; during the school year I was getting up at 5am everyday, but since summer has been here I guess I have thought I am on vacation too, and can sleep in a bit. My kids are very early risers, so it is really important that I get up and get a head start on my day. The summer is probably even more important for this, as I am with all 3 of them all day and it can get quite hairy trying to keep up the energy to wrangle them all with out a break.
Another part of this chapter that stuck out to me today was verse23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. It made me think about how respected and looked up to our husbands are in their jobs and in their work place and how they deserve that same respect and honor in their home. I will look to God to help me stay in check in that respect. I would hate for my husband to ever receive more respect at work or out side our home than he does right here in his own house.

Then for me, I want to focus on verses 25-30
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she smiles at the days to come. am I looking to the future with a positive attitude? (especially at the close sight of the teenage years!) or am I looking forward with fear and dread??
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. ..not just what ever happens to roll out of my mouth or what ever I want to say...
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. ...I am not to be lazy (even if I really want to!)
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” After pleasing God this is the part I want the most. Does my husband look at me as better than any other woman out there?? I sure hope so...
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

slow to speak

One thing that I have been working on for a while is stepping back and letting my husband take the reins in our house hold. It something that was a real struggle for me in the beginning of our marriage, but over the years it has gotten easier. One area I still struggle with though, is in disciplining our children. Bob is a very laid back guy and seems to let things fly way easier than I do when it comes to the kids. This seems to cause inconsistency in our disciplining. Today is an example. Bob called Brady to come down the stairs for some reason, and Brady was choosing not to obey. While Bob did take him to his room and discipline him right away, after he was finished he explained to Brady what he did wrong and told him next time he wanted him to listen (doing great so far!) but, right as Bob finished his sentence Brady screamed at the top of his lungs NO!! Oh, my skin boiled! That boy needed to be disciplined again for that! Bob on the other hand did nothing. He told Brady to sit there in his bed while Bob continued to hang the roller shade he was installing in Brady's window (an attempt to darken his room and hopefully keep him from waking up at 6 am every day!) While Brady fussed and cried, he did stay in his bed and Bob continued to work After a few minutes Brady calmed down and Bob once again talked to him about his obedience.
My strong instinct when Brady screamed at Bob was to run in there and and say..."he needs another spanking for that!" To tell my husband what to do and how to discipline his son. I do know how to discipline better than he does right???? Is that what I am telling my husband when I run in there and tell him what to do?? I think it might be. Ouch! I am glad that God showed me that today, and that he helped me to resist the temptation to run in and tell him what to do. Bob's handling of the situation actually seemed to work just as well and actually put less stress on Brady and allowed him to calm himself down. When Brady screamed NO at Bob he was frustrated and wanted to draw attention to himself. I think spanking him would have only drawn more attention to the situation rather than just letting it go and not giving it more attention than it deserved. Lord, please continue to be slow to speak when it comes to "assisting" my husband in disciplining our children. There is no room for Bob to step in and take the drivers seat in disciplining if I am already sitting there.

perfecting my faith

Last week during my marathon training my long run for the week, which I do early Saturday mornings, was a 7 mile run. I was shocked at the end of the 1 hour 10 min. run how well I did and that I even finished, better yet finished with out stopping, and maintained a 10 min. a mile pace. Well, today my training bumped me back to a 5 mile long run, and I thought it would be a piece of cake. Much to my surprise, I found it really difficult today and started complaining and dreading the thought of ever running a crazy 26 miles 15 weeks from now. As I was running and talking to my running partner (Jesus!) I started saying things like..."this is ridiculous...what was thinking?.....if I am this run down trying to do a 5 mile how will I ever do 26 miles?" Almost immediately I thought of something Jesus said in Mathew 8:26 ..."You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Why am I always so afraid?? Why am I always of so little faith. I spent the next mile or so thinking about my faith. How much faith do I really have?? Do I really believe that God can do anything?? Do I really trust Him to do the things that I can not do. Well, when I got home I looked up this verse.....Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mathew 11:24 I realized at that moment that part of the reason I am always so in doubt and lack confidence in God, is the way that I pray to Him. God does not say....ask and maybe you will receive.....He says ask, believe, and you WILL receive. So, I can't just ask, but I have to then also believe that He will do it. So in other words today when I was running, instead of praying....."Lord I can not to do this....it is too hard....I need you to help me because I am not capable of completing a marathon....." What I should be praying is....."Lord thank you that you are going to see me through this training...thank you that I CAN do this with your help, that I can do all things through You who strengthens me" Do you see the difference in those 2 prayers?? The first one is full of negatives, and in reality I don't really believe that God can do it for me, but I am praying in hopes that maybe He will. Do you really think God wants to hear that?? Do you think that maybe he is offended by my lack of faith in what He can do in me? In the second one, I am confident in God's promise. I am praising him for what I believe and know that he will do. I realized today that I need to work on my lack of true faith. So how do I do that?? How do I increase my faith??? At first I wasn't sure, and then once again the Lord gave me a scripture......Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,......Hebrews 12:2 He is the author and perfecter of my faith! All I have to do is ask and believe that he will perfect it.

Running the race

About 3 weeks ago I had a crazy idea that came out of the blue. I considered training for a marathon. I have been running casually for several years, but not often more than about 3 miles a couple days a week. I got on line and looked at the Hal Higdon training guide recommended by my friend whom I once thought about training for a half marathon with. I looked at both the half and full marathon training guides. I realized that the half looked like something I definitely could accomplish if I worked at it, and the full looked unreal and totally ridiculous for me to even try. Well, after much prayer and pondering I came to the following conclusion. If I train for the half, it really won't be a big accomplishment if I complete it, because I already feel quite confident that it is something do-able for me. If I do the full marathon, I know with out a doubt that if I finish it, it would have to be a mighty God and his strength that gets me through it, and not my own. On that same day I just happened to come across this verse in my Bible, which just so happens to be one of my favorites..... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1 At that moment I knew that with God's help this was something I could do, and through it I was going to build my faith and trust in God to do the things that I do not feel capable of doing. Which brought to mind another sweet verse......I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Seeking Him First

My whole reason for starting this Blog (after the fact that my friend Kelly talked me into it!) was to have a place to track my progress in my quest to seek God first . I want to seek God first in everything I do from raising my children to being a loving wife and good friend. In this season of my life I often find myself frazzled and wondering how I can do all these things, and do them right with a good attitude while portraying the loving image of God. Well, I know that with out seeking Him first, I can't do any of it, at least not well. I know that when I seek God for His direction and wisdom, all else will flow naturally. Why is it so often that I fall out of that place of seeking God first, only to find myself weary and unfruitful? I know what it takes to walk in the Spirit and follow Christ, but so often I get distracted and busy with the everyday challenges that I forget that I am not capable of doing it all by myself. This will be a place for me to share my walk and my growth and hopefully seek wisdom and encouragement from my other Christ seeking friends and family. I long so deeply to be a good mother, wife and friend. I so often feel overwhelmed and inadequate. That is the "lie". The truth though is in the scriptures......"Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you" Matthew 6:33 Which will be the theme of my blog.