still standing

I am in a time in my life where I feel like darts are being thrown at me from every which direction. I finally today realized that God won't stop them, because he is calling me to a total surrender. A total surrender of what I want and how I want my life to be. He is calling me to focus on him and only him and instead of surrendering I have been wearing myself out trying to dodge the darts. This morning I got flat on my face on my bedroom floor and asked the Lord to take it all. Something I wish I would do more often. It brought such peace to my day. I realized this morning that the only way to stay standing is to get flat on your face first!! After I did this I was able to stand back up in God's strength and not my own.

Standing until He shows me what to do

This sums up how I feel in my parenting of a pre-teen today! It is a road that I have not yet traveled, and I feel so lost and weak in my efforts.

Sometimes you have done everything you know to do. You abide in Christ and long for His presence. You entrust everything and everybody and keep entrusting day after day. You are faithful to become and change and to seek wisdom and growth. You pray. So all that is left, after you have done everything, is to stand. Maybe you can’t take one more step. Just stand. Maybe you’re tired of the wait. Keep standing. Maybe it seems it will never be your turn. Stand.Maybe today you don’t know what else to do. You are tired and can’t go forward. You have considered just getting out of line and abandoning the wait. Can I ask you to do something? If you are able in this moment, stand up. Physically stand up and pray:God, I cannot see You. I have no idea what to do next. But as an act of my complete trust, I will stand and keep standing until You show me what to do. Amen.
[When Wallflowers Dance: Becoming a Woman of Righteous Confidence by Angela Thomas]

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

early morning blessings

I woke up at 4:15 a.m this morning to a little boy who had wet the bed! (he had a slushy after Tori's game last night! not a good idea!) I was so tired but was amazingly filled with joy even at 4a.m. :-) I got him all cleaned up and back in bed, and as I climbed back in my bed another little face appeared claiming to have had a bad dream. (I think he really just wanted in my bed!) I took him back upstairs and laid with him for a minute,and when I got back to bed it was 5 and I was wide awake! It was so nice though to have a gentleness with them even when I was so tired. God is good!
Anyway, I ended up just getting up and reading and it was so good. Wanted to share 2 things I randomly read this morning. The first one is Proverbs 3:24-26 It is about combating fear with Wisdom. The second was 1Kings 3. It was where God tells Solomon he can have anything he asks for and Solomon asks for Wisdom!! Then because he wanted wisdom more than anything else, God also gave him riches and honor that he did not even ask for. Made me long for a heart like Solomon this morning. :-)

Recieving joy

Do you ever just wake up in the morning in a rotten mood? Nothing triggered it really, it's just how you woke up and nothing you do seems to get you out of it. This happens to me on occasion. (more occasions than I would like!) When I am in this state of "grumpiness, sometimes it seems like no matter what I try I just can't seem to shake it. Anything and everything gets on my nerves, and anything that could be wrong in my mind seems to be wrong. It is like I am sitting in this pit and although I know I need to get out, it is just easier to stay there than figure out how to get out. That is how I started me day today.

Everyone in the house was irritating me, and on top of it all I walked out to my car this morning to a flat tire. I thought that I was going to just get it plugged at Wal-mart (there was an obvious nail in the tread) but when I got there I was informed that the nail was too close to the side wall and would need a whole new tire. A $125 new tire! Now the guys at Walmart were on my bad list today too! After 3 more places told me the exact same thing, I was just plum mad! Mad Mad Mad!!! I tried everything to have joy in my circumstances, but it just wasn't working. I tried praying several times, I tried reading my Bible, no matter what I did nothing seemed to get me out of this fleshly state of irritation with the whole world. In the car on the way home from the tire store I pleaded with God to show me how to have joy when my flesh was refusing to come out of this funk. All the sudden I had the thought to start praising God for anything and everything I could think of. Instead of complaining about my tire, I praised God for a car to drive. I changed my attitude about my overly dramatic and emotional 12 year old into praises that she is a child of God and that He in trusted her to me. Instead of complaining about my 4 year old that calls my name 10,000 times a day and never seems to stop talking, I praised God that he is not autistic and can talk to me all day long. I repented for grumbling this morning about my husband's mess in the kitchen, and thanked God for a husband who loves me and is faithful to me. All the sudden I felt a 1,000 lb weight lifted off of me and I was so filled with joy! Thank you Lord for teaching me today how to receive your joy rather than letting me sit in my pit!

just enough for today

Lately I have been so bogged down (in my mind) with all the things I want to accomplish, that I have been choosing to just get overwhelmed, and in turn not accomplishing anything at all. This is the case as far as housework, teaching the kids, completing unfinished tasks around the house. As soon as I try to think about what I want to get done, my mind goes on overload and I start thinking of a million things and a sense of hopelessness comes over me and I just say forget it. I think it has become a form of laziness and idleness for me.
On Sunday my friend (who always seems to know just what to say when I need her to say it
!!) called and we started talking about this situation. She said.."the problem is, we are forgetting that we are supposed to be taking things one day at a time....just accomplishing what we can for today..." We have talked about this before, but I had somehow fallen back off track. The enemy has been using this as a form of distraction for me, and instead of focusing on what I can do I have been focusing on what I can't do.
Today I have started out with my new attitude again. I still have my long to-do list which includes, cleaning all 3 bathrooms, changing 4 sets of bed linens, vacuuming out the car, feeding my flowers, finishing the touch ups painting work through out the house, hanging the last pictures and candles (that have been sitting on the floor since June!!), teaching Brady the entire alphabet including the phonics, getting our web site up and running again, downloading and pruning out 6 months of back log pictures for our albums........that isn't even the end, and already you can see that these things obviously are not going to get done today. So why am I getting so frustrated??
This morning I am remembering to do what I can just for today, and eventually after enough just for today's, all these things will get done! Seems like a simple concept, but somehow I have let the enemy distract me from the obvious.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

setting aside my reputation

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever‑increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Of all the people in my extended family, I can not think of one person that is a Christian. This has made my walk with the Lord different in the fact that I did not have the influence or teaching of how to live a Godly life. I don't have family I can call on for prayer or Godly advice. I have to rely solely on the leading of the Lord.

It has also made it difficult for me to share my faith with in my family. I risk being labeled the "holy roller" of the family or the "religious" one. Those were terms I heard quite frequently growing up. Being stretched my the Lord to be more bold in my faith has brought me to think alot about relinquishing my reputation in order to serve God the way I should.

I have an uncle, my mothers brother, who has gone through a rough year. He let himself go to alcoholism, and lost his job of 16 years for the state of Illinois. He soon after almost lost his house, and is still nearly 6 months behind on his mortgage. He lost all visitation rights with his 2 boys, and eventually landed in a deep depression and total dependency on alcohol. This man was as far in the pit as one could probably get. He was so bad that my mom had to go down there and persuade him to go to a detox program. He completed the program, (Praise the Lord!) and is now back at home. He has a long road ahead of him to get his life back in order. The detox was only the first small step.

I prayed for him the whole time he was in detox, and once he was out I realized..this man need Jesus!! He needs to know the only way to really get his life back in order.
That same night I got an e-mail from my mom asking me if I wanted to send him a little note or something to encourage him. In it she said..."he told me, the doctor and the detox nurse that day that he reads the bible every night, so don't be afraid to give him a good sermon!!!! ha!" The minute I read that I knew that God was calling me to do something that no on else in my family was going to do. I had to tell Danny about the Salvation our God could provide for him. To do that, I was going to have relinquish my reputation. I was going to have to not care what anyone else thought and go for it. So I did.

The first thing I did was go on line to purchase and have send to him some reading materials. I bought him 2 short booklets both about our purpose here on earth, and about throwing out the trash of our past and making a new life (through Christ!) I purchased a new Bible, and even had his name imprinted on it!
Today I sat down and wrote him a 4 page letter telling him about my life and how I was able to break free from a family that has done more harm than good in my life, and make a new life for myself, in Christ!

Many times today I have regretting the literature I had sent to him, thinking he will think it is stupid. I hesitated for hours to put the letter in the mail which would expose me now a true "holy roller", but I did it. I relinquished my reputation for the purpose of Christ, and also hopefully for the sole of this man. How can I withhold a powerful message of how Christ can save him, all because I am too afraid of what others will think of me? I am so glad the Lord helped me to make the right decision.
Please pray for me this week if you think of it. And pray for Danny and my letter and the literature that he will receive. I pray that the Lord will lead him to a new life and that the Danny will accept it. I have a lot more souls that need saving in my family. I will be praying that the Lord will continue to give me more boldness. :-)

Being more bold in my faith

One area of my walk that I have found the Lord leading me to improve on is to be more bold in my faith. In the book I am reading right now I just finished a chapter titled.....Forfeiting your reputation. That is something the Lord had been leading me toward for quite some time. I am a very shy person, so just walking up to someone and making conversation is very difficult. The Lord has been working on this in me over the years and I have gotten much better at it, but it is still something that I have to really work at. I have to put aside my insecurities sometimes and follow the Lords leading when He calls me to interact with someone. For example a new neighbor moves in and I know that I want to welcome them or bring over a plate of cookies but my insecurities and shyness make it really easy for me to talk myself out of it. I have to force myself to do it sometimes. Being hesitant to bless someone else like this is a form of selfishness. I am more concerned about myself and how I feel or what that person will think of me than I am about taking the opportunity to bless them.
There can be a new person sitting at the table with us at Wed. night dinner at church and I know I should say hello or introduce my family, but I let my shyness keep me from doing so. I realized a while back that during these moments I have to force myself to come out of my comfort zone and do something that I do not want to do in order to please God. It is a challenge for me, but the Lord has been helping me, and the more I do it the more it is starting to come more naturally.
The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. Proverbs 28:1
Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. 2 Corinthians 3: 12

Listening for Wisdom.... on the go??

I have notced that ever since the school year has started I have had fewer oportunities to sit and read my Bible, write in my blog or even be still long enough to listen for God's wisdom. I keep thinking about Proverbs 2 and the part where it says ...turning your ear to wisdom
I have been thinking about how important it is to still find (or make) time to listen. I long so deeply for His wisdom, but am finding it so hard to find a quiet moment in my day.
Neither of my boys EVER sleep in, and I have given up on any hopes of it in the future. Zack gets on the bus at 7am, so he is up at 6 with Brayden following usually @ 6:30. I could get up 5:00 everyday and have an hour. That is option #1 I guess.

From about 8-10 I do school work with Brayden and Tori works (mostly self directed) until after lunch. Brady only naps about every other day now for never more than an hour. I guess on the off days I could put in a movie for him and that could be option #2.
Zack gets off the bus at 2:00, and it is crazy busy from then on until after dinner. (Actually, until after all the kids are in bed! )

All 3 of my kids are playing soccer with practices 2-3 nights a week plus games on the weekends. We have church on Wed. nights, Boy Scouts now on Tues. nights. I would really like to join a Friday morning Bible study.........how is a girl to catch her breath????
I know that the Lord will speak to me even when we are on the go, but I do really miss those lazy days of summer when I always had time to sit a little more and not be so distracted with all the business. For now I don't see any thing that can be cut out. My 2 older kids love soccer and are both very good at it, not willing to give it up. Zack was sucked in by a boy scout recruiter with the inticment of getting to one day shoot a BB-gun. With all his friends also signed up I don't see much hope in talking him out of that.

After the kids are in bed at night is my only time with Bob. Since time will not allow it in the mornings, I have even been stealing time from him in the evenings to fit in a workout and shower when I can. That usually leads to a late night for us, which would explain why getting up at 5 am is so hard to make a reality.

For now, I guess I will jsut keep praying in the car when we are on the go. I'll try to fit in my Bible and writing when ever time (and Brady) will allow during the day. I might try to start getting up at 5am again that way at least I have an hour each day to start my day off right. I will also keep praying for wisdom. God knows my heart desires more time with Him, and if He wills He will help me find it.

more on wisdom

I thought this was so cool I had to get back on the computer to write about it.....
Just before starting the bed-time routine I finished up my last entry on Wisdom. Well, not but 15 minutes later I got out Brady's Devotions for Preschoolers (which is a book I just love by the way!) and turned to Sept. 4th....Get Wisdom. No kidding!! Isn't that the coolest!!
It was a sweet little devotion about Praying and asking God for wisdom, and here is the Bible verse for today....
If you need wisdom-if you want to know what God wants you to do- ask him James 1:5

Here was the prayer: Dear God, my wisdom comes from you. Help me to please you in all that I do. Amen

Wisdom

One thing parenting has done I think, more than anything else is increased my desire for God's wisdom. The challenges of parenting have brought me (sometimes out of desperation!) to a place of true humbleness. I realize that I do not know what to do in so many avenues of parenting. I can survive this journey only with God's great wisdom.

Every time I think I have something figured out, the challenges change. What worked for one kid now does not work for the next, what worked last week is not working so well this week, last weeks problem has fizzled down, only for another spark to ignite somewhere else or with another child. It seems like a never ending process. This brings me to need for complete submissiveness to the Lord and what He has planned for my children. They are his children not mine. I am simply being used as a vessel to raise them up for the Lord.

I have been praying these great verses from Proverbs 2 this week for wisdom in my parenting:

v.2 ...turning your ear to wisdom (I have to be listening for God to give it to me)
and applying your heart to understanding (the Hebrew use of heart [leb] here refers to our mind...I have to think about how God wants me to apply His wisdom to my parenting)
v. 3 and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding (this is me!!)
v.4 and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, (God's wisdom should be the most precious thing I could ever long for.......a true treasure it is!)
v. 5-6 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Thank you Lord for your Wisdom. With your wisdom there is never excuse or reason for me to be weary or discouraged. You will lead me in the paths I need to follow. I just have to trust you with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I will acknowledge you and you will direct my paths. Help me to follow your path in parenting and trust that you will get me where I need to go.