staying attached to the vine

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing........But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!" 
 
At first glance this verse looks like a magic Jeanie lamp.  Ask and your wish is my command!  Look a little closer and you see that it reveals another example of God encouraging us to surrender to Him and let Him make our desired His desires.  A branch that is attached to the vine does not have plans of it's own.  It simply thrives on what the vine provides it.  It follows the direction the vine leads it's growth.  If it goes it's own way and wants to be apart from the vine it has to be cut off. Once cut off it can't go anywhere.  It can't produce anything.  "apart from me you can do nothing..." Go out to your yard and cut of a branch from a bush or a vine.  What will happen to that branch?  There it will lay on the ground.  After a couple of days it will die.  If you never pick it up it will lay there forever, never do a thing.  I know I sure don't want to be that branch.  Cut off from my father. 

If I remain in Him and he remains in me then my desires will be His desires.  The things I ask of Him will be the desires He has put in my heart.  I will only long for what he wants for me not the thing that I THINK I want.  The best part about this is that it then says we will produce fruit.  MUCH fruit! 

Thank you Lord for your grace which has allowed me to be a part of your vine. Thank you for your mercy which prevents me from ever being cut off from you. May I remain in you and your words remain in me.  I want to produce much fruit.  I want to please you and honor you in all that I do. If I am living with a desire to be 100% surrendered to your desires then I will never be disappointed.  I will never long for anything else. 

the answers to my contentment

I've been reading this book for the past few weeks called Anything by Jennie Allen.  It is an amazing book about completely surrendering to a life serving God.  About giving up our own desires for more of God's and agreeing to do anything. It has been really challenging me and through it the Lord has been digging deep inside of me exposing areas of my life where I have been self seeking and empty.  Challenging me to let him take hold, fearlessly agreeing to let him do anything in me and with me. This means giving up comfortable, safe and happy.  It means giving up my own desires for His desires for me. Its been a hard read but a life changing one for me. 
In the book Anything Jennie mentions several times another book called Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis the funny thing about this is that one of my best friends has been reading that book and just told me a few weeks ago that I really have to read it.  For me that was confirmation that I was meant to read that next.

I read most of my books on my tablet through either Nook or Kindle apps, but because my husband has been a little less than happy with my money management lately I decided to honor him and not jump right on and buy it like I normally do when I am super excited about a book.  We have a wonderful library system in the county we live in and by just going on line and searching their data base I can almost always find any book I'm looking for and even if its at another library miles away in Michigan I can have it delivered right to my own library for me to pick up. So that's what I did and yesterday the library notified me that my book was in.  I was so excited.  The only thing I DONT like about this is that now I can't highlight and mark up all the pages like I do in my own books or on my tablet.  I am only past the first chapter and already if this was MY book it would be tore up with ink and highlighter! 

As you know yesterday I wrote about just one of my life's disappointments I have been struggling through.  And when I say just one.....trust me, the Lord has been pulling out all kinds of junk out of me over the past few weeks.  The one I wrote about yesterday really is just a drop in the bucket, but I am trusting that the Lords mercy is just peeling away one little layer at a time as to not let it hurt to much all at once. So after I wrote out my struggle and some of the honest questions I had about how I was to be content with whatever God has given me, I just prayed for the Lord to show me how to deal with it all.  Asking Him to speak to my heart and help me to understand.  Well I prayed that yesterday morning about this time, and he didn't even let me go to bed that night without an answer. He is so faithful.

 As I started my new book Kisses from Katie, a girl over a decade younger than me had the answer at the young age of just 19. I didn't even make it through the introduction before my questions about my contentment were answered.  This is what she said..."For as long as I can remember my favorite Bible verse has been Psalm 37:4 'Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart'  I used to believe it meant that if I did what the Lord asked of me, followed his commandments, and was a "good girl", He would grant me all my desires and make my dreams come true.  Today it is still one of my favorite passages of scripture, but I have learned to interpret it in a totally different way. It is not about God making my dreams come true but about God changing my dreams into His dreams for my life."

There is was....my answer.  All this time I have been holding on to my own dreams.  Longing for the things I want.  Fantasizing about my ideal place to live, my perfect family, my lovely Christ like children, a picture book marriage, my happy life, just the way I want it.  Yearning for the desires of my heart. Desires that I put there. Instead of asking the Lord to put His desires in my heart.

 His desires for me will always prevail whether I am lined up with them or not.  But if His desires and my desires are not lined up, then that is where there is disappointment.  That is where I will find discontent.  I'm ashamed of my selfish desire for my plan. As I read this book I am seeing a young girl who let God change her dreams into His dreams for her life.  She is filled with joy and watching God work as she "delights herself in the Lord" by doing what He asks of her.  Can I do the same thing?  Can I accept where God has me and trust him for every single step I take every single day of my life.  Can I give up my own wants and my own "vision" for my life? It is so hard.  But I am trusting him. And from this day forward I am delighting myself in him, not in my own dreams.

I know God did not place me here on this earth to enjoy myself, to have fun and to be comfortable.  If I truly am a believer in God's Word then I know that I was placed here to fulfill God's purposes.  To love Him and love others through Him.  I need to strip all that is entangling me and run this race.  I have been so far behind and I didn't even know it.

back to the blog

It's been so long since I have been on here that I actually had to think real hard to remember my password.  But all in all here I am feeling the pull to pursue this journey again of writing the things God is showing me on my path to Seeking Him First.  Truth is I have been in a bit of a funk.  I have been wrestling with God about my life.  About where he has me and what he is doing with me. I moved here to Michigan because my husband wanted to go back to where he was from.  It is not my place of choice.  I am a laid back Southern girl at heart who enjoys warm weather.  Michigan is obviously no in the south, it's not warm, and I would not quite call it laid back.  I have just struggled terribly ever since we got here. It is just a place like none other I have ever been.  You almost can't explain it unless you have experienced it.  People here are always in a hurry, very often grumpy, they are over worked, over spent and while many are very nice, many are not.  There are Christians here, but something about this place just never seems to feel like home to me. 

If I had the choice I would be out of here in a second. Where would I go?  Well honestly I don't know but it would definitely be somewhere sunny. warm and with water.  I think my first pick would be Virginia.  I love that area.  It is the one place that feels like home.  My husband and I actually met there.  I then left and followed him around during his Air Force Career.  We lived in some really great places and I wouldn't give back that experience for the world, but always felt like I would end up back in Virginia again one day.  But I didn't.   My husband retired form the Air Force and here in Michigan is where we stayed. 

Is my husband happy here?  I think so.  Is the rest of my family happy?  Well, they are resilient so I think they would be happy anywhere.  Which is I guess how I should be.  Am I happy here?  Unfortunately I would have to say no.  In fact it is a CONSTANT battle for me that just never seems to get any better. My heart just longs to be somewhere else.  I know that feeling is wrong.  Or at least I think it is.  I know God calls me to be content, but then on the other hand I don't understand how to be content and yet deal with the desires of my heart.  Should I follow the desires of my heart?  Well in this case I guess I can't unless it means I sinfully go against my husband.  So that leaves me where?  I guess I am still trying to figure that out. 

Maybe I am supposed to die to this dream of how my life should be.  After all, if I am living for Christ shouldn't I be laying down my life anyway? Dying to myself and my own desires?  I'm just not there.  I want to be though.  Am I really seeking God first?  If I am then why can I not be content with where he has placed me?  I need His help, that's the only thing I know for sure. 

wisdom

If I have a one word goal for this New Year it would be WISDOM.
I want to seek God's wisdom consistently and by the end of 2013 be even closer to God than ever before. Proverbs 2:4 says that wisdom is something we should search for as if is a hidden treasure. As I read through Proverbs 2 looking at the treasures that come from gaining God's wisdom here are a few word's that I discovered :
Knowledge of God, common sense, shield, guards, protects, right, just, fair, the right way to go, joy, wise choices, keep you safe, save you from evil people, righteousness

Those are just a few that popped off the page at me, yet when I look at that list I believe that anything that I may encounter in this new year could probably be covered by one of the above treasures.....simply seeking "WISDOM".  Gods wisdom IS a treasure. May my 2013 be dedicated to seeking it above all else.

Happy New Year

Well its a new year and one of my goals for the new year was to start writing on my blog again. Already day one of a new year and I'm wondering how well I will do at that! For one thing I read so many other great things online now with my new Tablet. I have the new google reader app that streams all my favorite blog posts in one place. After reading all the great things other people have written it's hard to come up with my own interesting things to write about! Which is why for today instead of writing my own post, I will just share with you my favorite read today. :)

FilledWithChrist Billy Graham's Daily Devotion 1 Jan 2013 . . . Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. –Philippians 3:13 (TLB) As we flick the calendar to a new year, we come face to face with the fact that our days on earth are numbered. As the Psalmist wrote, “Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.” No thoughtful person can approach New Year’s Day without some introspection. We are reminded of the brevity of time. We also look back over our failures, mistakes, and missed opportunities, and vow that we will make better use of our time during the coming year. We should take time to be pleasant, to smile, to extend the small courtesies we often omit—to show love to our family. Psychiatrists tell us that most people are starved for love. Take time for the goodbye kiss; we shall go to work with a sweeter spirit. Let us take time to get acquainted with our families. We are not machines. We are not robots. The secret of a happy home is that members of the family learn to give and receive love. Let us take time to express our love in a thousand ways.
 PRAYER FOR THE DAY As I begin a new year, Lord Jesus, I pray that my walk through the days ahead will be filled with Your love for others, a love that does not count the cost.

Resisting Temptations

My kids love their i-pods.  They each have i-pod touches that my husband bought them as gifts when he retired from the Air Force.  (With the exception of Tori who got a NOOK color instead)  They have many games, apps and even books on them that keep them intrigued.  The only problem is that they struggle to have the self control to turn them off when necessary. 
Last night my 8 year old Brady asked if he could charge his in his room since the "charging station" (the outlets next to the desk in the kitchen) was full with other charging electronic devices.  I knew this wasn't a good idea, but somehow he got the go ahead to take it upstairs and I saw it laying on the floor next to his dresser.  He sleeps in the top bunk of the bunk bed so it was quite a ways away from him but just in case I did remind him that he was not to get down and get his i-pod while in bed or in the morning before "free time" which is when our kids are typically  allowed to play them.  I asked him if I could trust him and he assured me "yes mom...I won't touch it.  I know you're trusting me."  I smiled and assured him that I knew I could. 
A little while late my younger son wanted his water refilled (remember my post from yesterday and know that I am still working on my responding like Jesus in this situation! :) )  When I returned with Max's re-filled cup of water Brady said from u-top the bunk bed....."Man mom....it is such a hard temptation to see my ipod over there charging and not want to go play it!"
What a lesson for an 8 year old!  Yes my love, sometimes God takes away our temptations to help us resist, but sometimes he also leaves them right there within our reach and calls us to have self control.  A fruit that can only be produced with the help of the holy spirit.  I prayed for Brady, and I pray for myself, that the Holy Spirit will always lead us to resist temptation.

1 Cor 10:13 NO TEMPTATION has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Responding like Jesus

I decided with the New Year to try and get my focus back on the things in life that are most important to me. That being above all else.... my family. Not that they ever were not my main focus, but I just want to intentionally be joyful about the job that has been placed before me as a wife and a mom. It is so easy to get frustrated when so many people want your attention all the time. There are so many demands from laundry to school work, to activities and meals that sometimes the temptation is there to become agitated or short with the ones I love the most. There isn't a whole lot of time for "me".  Balancing kids, husband, chores, school and self can seem like a daunting task.

I teach a 2nd grade Sunday school class every other Sunday at my church. When I first signed up for the job it was more to fulfill that "requirement" to serve with in the church.  It was just checking off the box in the area of stewardship but it ended up being a huge blessing to me. I am amazed each week at what teaching those guys teaches me.  I love those sweet kids and each week our lesson speaks to me personally more than I ever thought a 2nd grade lesson could!

This past week we learned about how Jesus fed 5,000.  In the story Jesus' 12 disciples had just returned from a missionary journey he had sent them on. After they told him all they had done and taught, he took them with him in a boat on the Sea of Galilee to a remote place, for rest and prayer.

The apostles returned to Jesus from their ministry tour and told him all they had done and taught. Then Jesus said, "Let's go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile." He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn't even have time to eat. So they left by boat for a quiet place, where they could be alone. Mark 6:30-32

 In my life this would equate to.....I have just spent ALL day "ministering" to my kids (with barely enough time to eat!)  and now it is 9:00 at night and I am ready to retreat to the remote place of my couch to rest and relax for the night! Here is where my biggest temptation to be frustrated and annoyed comes in.....one kid wants a cup of water, another forgot to pray for something, another wants me to scratch his back,  someone has something REALLY important they need to remind me of before tomorrow.....ect. ect.  This is "MY" time I say to myself. I have spent ALL day taking care of these guys why can't they just go to sleep and let me RELAX!!  Well listen to what happened to Jesus and his disciples when they went away for "their" time.  Make note of how Jesus responds.  It certainly isn't with frustration and anger like I normal tend to respond.

But many people recognized them and saw them leaving, and people from many towns ran ahead along the shore and got there ahead of them. Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. Matt 6:33-34

He "HAD COMPASSION" He didn't snap at them. He didn't say "come on people!! Can I not have 30 minutes to myself!!!!??"  No Jesus simply had compassion.  He knew that they needed him and attended to them in love. I need to work on this.  It is so easy to think that we deserve "me" time. So easy to get aggravated when our "quiet time" is interrupted.  Yet another example of how I need to follow Jesus...in how I react and how I respond.