Here I sit another beautiful Sunday morning on my back porch with the sun beaming. I couldn't think of a better way to start the Lords day.
The Lord has planted me in a new and foreign place in my life that I have not been before. It has stretched me and grown me as I am learning to rely more and more on God for my direction and comfort. I feel very alone right now in my walk with the Lord. It isn't really a bad thing, but it is just different.
I don't have anyone in my family that is Christian. I love my parents and my siblings dearly, but NONE of them are believers. Neither is my Grandmother or any of my other immediate family.
I love my husband very much, but I have to admit he is not really interested in my passion for the Lord either. My pride makes that really hard for me to admit, because often times I like to dream or maybe even "pretend" that I live this perfect Christian life with a perfect husband that loves the Lord as much as I do. That is what everyone around me has, and as much as I long for it, today I (with a lump in my throat) admit that it just isn't true. I am lucky if my husband goes to church with us once every month or 2. He has a passion for golf, but not for the Lord. He has 2 days off on the weekend, but I I usually spend a good part of it alone with 3 kids. I am not venting or trying to make him look bad, I am just pushing myself to admit something that my pride has tried to get me to simply ignore or hide.
The the church we attend isn't really what I would like it to be either. It is very different than what I am used to. It is a wonderful church, but while the people seem very "religious", I have struggled to find many people there that are as passionate and serious about their walk with the Lord as I am. I find myself just waiting there in limbo until the Lord leads me somewhere else. Church shopping by yourself with 3 kids is really not much fun. The kids love it there, and I know that they are learning about God's word. I try to be as involved as much as I can hoping to bring a passion for the Lord to someone maybe in the Bible study I lead or somewhere else. I have seen little glimmers of hope, especially this past week in class. Maybe that is why the Lord has kept me there. I don't know.
This is the first base we have lived where I have not had a really close group of friends that are on fire for God. I have really close girlfriends elsewhere that I keep in touch with regularly, but even they seem distant right now as they have things going on in their own lives that keep them just as busy as I am.
So here I am, trying to raise 3 kids to love the Lord with all their hearts. Seems like an impossible task to do on my own, but with that being said I again think about my entry last Sunday. ".......Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the father. What else really matters right??"
I am not sure why the Lord has me where I am right now, but I trust Him and know that He has a plan. In the beginning of my entry I wrote that I feel alone in my walk with the Lord, but I just realized that is not really true. It is just me and my God. Maybe He has eliminated other distractions for now, so I can focus only on Him. I am excited to see what He has planned.
In my devotion this morning I ironically read this.....the contentment that the world offers is fleeting and incomplete. Thankfully, the fulfillment that God offers is all encompassing and everlasting. This made me think of one of the very first Bible verses I think I ever heard as a little girl.....The Lord is my Shepard I shall not want.
5 comments:
That was very brave to admit. It made me think of Esther and how alone she must have felt in her faith. She had to live a lie to remain alive and yet still serve God. It takes courage to walk on your own, but as you said...you are NOT alone and God will carry you, your children, and your husband. Never loose hope!
"The Lord is my life and salvation. Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid." Psalm 27:1
Thank you for the encouragement Mandy. I think you helped me decide what to read for my quiet time this morning. I think I will read about Esther! :-)
Hi,
This is Carrie. I attended Bible study with you when you were at Holloman AFB (Kay Arthur). I also go to Michelle's Bible study with Kelly. Are you at Elgin? Sorry you are having a hard time finding close Christian friends. I feel that way a lot and I think you have to make a lot of effort to create strong friendships. People are just so busy now. Also, that would be hard that your family doesn't believe. It would be neat to hear your testimony. Is it on your blog?
Are you at Elgin? I know a few women who are stationed there, but they are Mormon. I feel so isolated at Holloman. Don't know why. I miss my family and a big city. We are finished with our tour here in May 09 and can sign on or separate. We were looking at Patrick or MacDill. We'll see.
Hello Carrie! So good to hear from you! We are at Tyndall. I didn't think I liked Holloman, but I bet by time you leave you will love it! It is a great place to grow and raise children, and there are so many Christian friends to cling to. Especially Michelle and Kelly!!!:-) What wisdom they both have, and such great moms.
My testimony is not on my blog, but that would make a great entry. It would be along one, but I will definitely have to work on that.
Hi. I stumbled across your blog from.... well, I'm not exactly sure anymore. oops. The point is, this post spoke to me. I felt much the same way when we were at our previous duty station. My dh would only go with me occasionally, and I just didn't know if the church we were part of was exactly what I needed.
I want to give you hope. Keep praying about it. It took a PCS (Army family) for us to find a church that fit dh and myself. He has grown so much in the 2 yrs we have been here. He has even started reading his Bible at night before bed instead of a fiction novel, magazine, etc. The power of the Lord blows me away sometimes.
Praying for you
Melody
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