The Great Almighty

I have always had a dream of having 4 children. When my husband and I first got married, we talked all the time about the 4 children we would have. We tried for that 4th one on a couple of occasions, but with two 6 month deployments in 3 years, it never seemed to happen. Just when I thought we would start trying again my husband expressed to me that he was really content with 3 and no longer had the desire for a fourth. It was heart breaking for me, but I reluctantly submitted to my husband, and started praying for God to take that burning desire away from me. It was a long road, but eventually I came to terms with it and accepted that I could be happy for the 3 beautiful children I had and give up that longing for a fourth.

It wasn't too long after I arrived at this place, that miraculously one day about a year and a half ago I became pregnant while on birth control. I was convinced that this was a miracle from God and couldn't give him enough praises. My vision of 4 children was going to come true, and surprisingly Bob was actually became very excited about it too. I couldn't contain my overwhelming joy of this miracle God had done. For weeks I just sang Him praises and told everyone my amazing story. I was just convinced with out a doubt that God had given us this baby as a gift. I also knew deep within me that a fourth child was a promise He made me a long time go, and I knew for certain He had fulfilled it.

All my joy and certainty came to screeching halt on April 11th 2006 when I went to my first OB appointment. I was 9 weeks along and they could not find a heart beat. They sent me over to the ultra sound room and as I waited I could have sworn that for the first time in my whole life I heard God's real audible voice say "everything will be fine" Well, minutes later I was shocked and devastated when the ultra sound technician told me that there in fact was no heart beat. I miscarried 5 days later.

Although it was a terribly difficult time for me where I questioned my faith and my trust in God, in the end I learned so much. Instead of loosing my faith (which I am certain was Satan's plan) my faith was strengthened a million fold. I would never give back that sad experience in exchange for all that it taught me.

I tell this story now because just a few weeks ago my husband and I found out again that we are expecting our 4th child. This time a different situation, but still another unbelievable miracle.
Although I can't say that I have not spent weeks now fighting of fear and anxiety over this turning out the same as last time, I can say that God has continued to teach me and grow me just as much as last time.

Yesterday was my first doctors appointment. As I laid there again waiting for my ultra sound I remembered that day God said aloud to me "everything will be fine" Looking back now I can see that everything was fine. This time I said aloud..."Lord, if it is good I will praise you, if it is bad I will praise you!" Moments later we saw the sweetest sight you ever did see.....a 7 week fetus with a little flashing heart beat! As I called several people to tell them our good news, I quickly realized that although others were excited for us, no one could even coming close to understanding the magnitude of this day for me, but it was ok. This is between myself and my God, whom today (and everyday) in my eyes is the Great All Mighty!!