Seeking Him First

Resisting Temptations

2012-02-10T06:25:00.000-08:00

My kids love their i-pods. They each have i-pod touches that my husband bought them as gifts when he retired from the Air Force. (With the exception of Tori who got a NOOK color instead) They have many games, apps and even books on them that keep them intrigued. The only problem is that they struggle to have the self control to turn them off when necessary.
Last night my 8 year old Brady asked if he could charge his in his room since the "charging station" (the outlets next to the desk in the kitchen) was full with other charging electronic devices. I knew this wasn't a good idea, but somehow he got the go ahead to take it upstairs and I saw it laying on the floor next to his dresser. He sleeps in the top bunk of the bunk bed so it was quite a ways away from him but just in case I did remind him that he was not to get down and get his i-pod while in bed or in the morning before "free time" which is when our kids are typically allowed to play them. I asked him if I could trust him and he assured me "yes mom...I won't touch it. I know you're trusting me." I smiled and assured him that I knew I could.
A little while late my younger son wanted his water refilled (remember my post from yesterday and know that I am still working on my responding like Jesus in this situation! :) ) When I returned with Max's re-filled cup of water Brady said from u-top the bunk bed....."Man mom....it is such a hard temptation to see my ipod over there charging and not want to go play it!"
What a lesson for an 8 year old! Yes my love, sometimes God takes away our temptations to help us resist, but sometimes he also leaves them right there within our reach and calls us to have self control. A fruit that can only be produced with the help of the holy spirit. I prayed for Brady, and I pray for myself, that the Holy Spirit will always lead us to resist temptation.

1 Cor 10:13 NO TEMPTATION has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Responding like Jesus

2012-02-08T06:29:00.000-08:00

I decided with the New Year to try and get my focus back on the things in life that are most important to me. That being above all else.... my family. Not that they ever were not my main focus, but I just want to intentionally be joyful about the job that has been placed before me as a wife and a mom. It is so easy to get frustrated when so many people want your attention all the time. There are so many demands from laundry to school work, to activities and meals that sometimes the temptation is there to become agitated or short with the ones I love the most. There isn't a whole lot of time for "me". Balancing kids, husband, chores, school and self can seem like a daunting task.

I teach a 2nd grade Sunday school class every other Sunday at my church. When I first signed up for the job it was more to fulfill that "requirement" to serve with in the church. It was just checking off the box in the area of stewardship but it ended up being a huge blessing to me. I am amazed each week at what teaching those guys teaches me. I love those sweet kids and each week our lesson speaks to me personally more than I ever thought a 2nd grade lesson could!

This past week we learned about how Jesus fed 5,000. In the story Jesus' 12 disciples had just returned from a missionary journey he had sent them on. After they told him all they had done and taught, he took them with him in a boat on the Sea of Galilee to a remote place, for rest and prayer.

The apostles returned to Jesus from their ministry tour and told him all they had done and taught. Then Jesus said, "Let's go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile." He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn't even have time to eat. So they left by boat for a quiet place, where they could be alone. Mark 6:30-32

In my life this would equate to.....I have just spent ALL day "ministering" to my kids (with barely enough time to eat!) and now it is 9:00 at night and I am ready to retreat to the remote place of my couch to rest and relax for the night! Here is where my biggest temptation to be frustrated and annoyed comes in.....one kid wants a cup of water, another forgot to pray for something, another wants me to scratch his back, someone has something REALLY important they need to remind me of before tomorrow.....ect. ect. This is "MY" time I say to myself. I have spent ALL day taking care of these guys why can't they just go to sleep and let me RELAX!! Well listen to what happened to Jesus and his disciples when they went away for "their" time. Make note of how Jesus responds. It certainly isn't with frustration and anger like I normal tend to respond.

But many people recognized them and saw them leaving, and people from many towns ran ahead along the shore and got there ahead of them. Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. Matt 6:33-34

He "HAD COMPASSION" He didn't snap at them. He didn't say "come on people!! Can I not have 30 minutes to myself!!!!??" No Jesus simply had compassion. He knew that they needed him and attended to them in love. I need to work on this. It is so easy to think that we deserve "me" time. So easy to get aggravated when our "quiet time" is interrupted. Yet another example of how I need to follow Jesus...in how I react and how I respond.

Keeping the focus

2012-01-31T12:38:00.000-08:00

I have been a mom for almost 17 years. Sometimes I get tired and think to myself...."is this really ALL I am going to do with my life?" Sometimes I do feel like I have been doing this FOREVER!! Even being the joy that it is, life as a stay at home mom, wife and homeschooler can seem mundane and often feel like its not worth anything compared to the other "more useful" things I could be doing with my life. I have struggled lately with a constant temptation to look else where for better "more important" places to put my efforts and abilities.

Not to long ago I was talking to an older woman who made a comment about mothering at my stage in life and it really got me thinking. She said..

"being a mom is such a commendable job. For some woman it feels like a life long task that never ends. There aren't a lot of stay at home moms anymore because the world tells us that we can do bigger and better things. Stay at home moms now a days aren't even stay at home moms like we were in my day. In my day we stayed at home and that was that. If you got together with other women you got together with your children and then you went home and prepared dinner for your family. There were no side jobs, no working from home, no trying to be a mom and do 100 other jobs on top of that. There comes a time when I think women start looking for something "more" when they aren't yet finished with the job God has given them. If your children aren't grown yet ...you aren't finished yet. They may get older but they don't get easier. I commend women who stick with it until the end. Women who don't slack off half way to the finish line looking for "something else" Those woman will be the ones to finish well and they will hear from the Lord one day that they have been good and faithful and rewarded as such"

Now some may look at this older woman and thing "wow what an old-school grump!" I may have thought that at one time in my life too. but as I get older I treasure more and more the wisdom of older women. This lady is no exception. I think there is great wisdom in what she shared with me that day and I also think was a perfectly timed message to me from the Lord. She didn't know this, but I was struggling with exactly what she spoke about. I have been a mom for SO long, and honestly was starting to feel somewhat burnt out and wondering if maybe it was time for me to look for more in my life. A job? more ministry? something??

I know this is not the case for everyone and this was definitely a personal conviction for me. It is by no means meant to discourage those moms who are working or finding other important things to do while also still raising children. Some women can balance it all and they do it well, but for me and for me alone...I know that God is calling me to keep my focus here at home. To raise my children, school my children, serve my husband, and not look to much else where my time and attention will be divided. I do still have ministy and activities that I'm involved in but they are centered around my one main focus.....My family. As I hone in more on that focus I will be writing more about what God is sharing with me about it including the things He is calling me to fucus more on as well as the things He's calling me to give up.

"Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." Proverbs 31:28-31

Immanuel

2012-01-04T05:22:00.000-08:00

Every year at Christmas I say that I am not going to let the Christmas season go by with out really focusing on what the season is all about. I really try my best to keep that focus but with all the shopping, baking, parties, lights and festivities, before I know it the season is over and I find myself exhausted and completely off track from the real meaning of Christmas. This year was no exception. As I have been working to put all the Christmas decorations away this week it has crossed my mind several times that I can't even really believe it's over all ready. I don't even feel like I experienced Christmas. It all seems like a blur. I wish I could do it all again now that everything is calmed down and it's peaceful again!!

Today as I started my year of reading through the Bible again I was in my New Testament reading in Matthew. At the end of Chapter 1 in v. 23 it says...she will give birth to a son and they will call him Immanuel which means "God is with us"
As I read this I was overwhelmed by that simple little phrase. That IS what the whole season is all about. God gave us Christ so he could "be with us" not just at Christmas but always! Maybe I don't celebrate Christmas in December like everyone else. Maybe December for me is a month of service and giving. Giving to my family, my friends, my neighbors, my church. I bake and I shop, I wrap and I create. This year I even ran a little business and helped my family financially with my Christmas earnings. It was busy yes, but others were blessed. My family got (almost) all the special treats that they love so much, we full filled all the traditions that they look forward to, we spent time with neighbors and with family. We delivered treats, we received treats, we taught Sunday school, we had a big Christmas dinner with ham and all our favorite fixings.

Yes, maybe December is a time of service for me. Maybe I celebrate Christmas on Jan. 4th. as I sit by my fire place with my Bible in my lap and a sweet 5 word reminder.....Immanuel-God is with us. All December during the hustle and bustle....and today by the quiet fireplace with my Bible and a cup of coffee....He is with us.

Looking forward to what lies ahead

2012-01-02T07:03:00.000-08:00

After a month off from writing (or doing anything else of leisure for that matter!) Its a New Year and a new beginning. As much as I absolutely LOVE Christmas, this year was overly busy and for the first time ever I was a little happy to see it go! I was eager to get life back to normal and relax!! How ironic that a time that is meant to remind us of Peace becomes a time of total chaos!!!

Most people approach the new year with a bit of introspection. We look at what we accomplished this year, what we failed at, and then look at ways we can do better in the up and coming year. The whole idea of Jesus (the main reason we celebrate Christmas!) represents a new beginning. He came so that we all could lay down our old sinful selves and become New creations before God. The old is GONE the new has COME!! Praise God for that. Has your 2011 been a year of loss? a year of sorrow? a year of failure? If we all look closely we will find one of theses somewhere I am sure! REJOICE in it!! We can't have NEW unless there is OLD that can be trimmed away! Pruned!
This new year lets remember to forget the past and look FORWARD to what lies ahead! Philippians 3:13
Lord, as I begin a new year help me to keep my head up eagerly looking forward to what you have for me. I am excited to see what you have in store for me, my family and for those close to me this new year. I know it is going to be good because you are good and your intentions are always good for those who love you! Amen

This is how I should pray

2011-11-30T06:11:00.000-08:00

I didn't have to go far in my Bible reading today before the Lord spoke to my heart. I read Luke 11 and within just a few verses the Lord was stopping me to reflect on what He wanted me to see.

It starts out with Jesus praying and his disciples asking him to help them learn to pray. He then gives them an example in verse 2-4 of how they can pray that reflects the acknowledgment of God's holiness, His ability to provide all they need, His power to forgive us, and his willingness to help us forgive others and then resist the temptation to do it (sin) all over again.

As I read this I prayed it for myself today. He is the great and Holy God who will one day again return to bring me home to His Kingdom. Until then he will provide me with all that I need to make it through even just THIS day. He will forgive me when I screw it up today. He will help me forgive my children or anyone else I'm with today that will sin as well. He will help me to turn from the enemy and his evil ways and stand firmly in righteousness......therefore (just like the disciples!) that is how I will pray.
For this is how Jesus says I should pray:
Father, may your name be kept holy. May your Kingdom come soon. Give me each day all that I need, forgive me of my sins, as I forgive those who sin against me. And don’t let me yield to temptation.
Luke 11:2-4

Only one thing matters

2011-11-28T07:32:00.000-08:00

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3

This verse reminded me today that God has called me to a life goodness and righteousness before Him. Sometimes this can be an overwhelming thought as we look at all of our short comings and sin, but if we truly love God and we are genuinely seeking Him and His goodness above all else (just as my blog is named!) then we have all that we need. Nothing else really matters.

the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives .....we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness. 2Peter 3:10-13

As we are tempted to worry about many things. Let us not loose that one simple focus. Jesus is coming back. We are to live righteous and fruitful lives FOR him until that day comes. Everything else is rubbish in comparison. Unfortunately thought, the rubbish....that argument with my husband.....the misbehavior of my children.....my messy and disorganized house.....laundry......Christmas shopping.....all this rubbish overshadows the one good thing. Jesus will return. Am I making every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him? 2Peter 3:14 or am I overwhelmed and worried and letting other things take over?

Dull and Boring Book of Kings

2011-09-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

My CBS Bible study this year is on the books of 1&2 Kings and the minor prophets. Other times when reading through the books of Kings I have always thought of it as a historical book of time tables with battles, ancient kings and other uninteresting accounts. All the strange names and kingdoms seem so far removed from everyday situations that I seem to find common ground with in other parts of the Bible. This time though, the study is helping me to see Kings in a new way.

Today I saw something interesting in the historical perspective of the books. The author always seems to evaluate the kings on their walk (or lack of) with God. Instead of really focusing on military, architectural, or geographic achievements, the kings lives are summarized by their spiritual walk. Even today our presidents, CEO's, political figures and Military officials are mostly evaluated on things such as economic well being of our country, the effectiveness of our health care or social systems, the ability to win votes, please people, and even war strategies. But the Kings these books were judged entirely on their Spiritual walk. Could you imagine if we did that with the authority figures in our nation today? Oh my!!
Eventually we will all be evaluated and judged this way. Our perfectly clean homes will do us no good, our lovely wardrobe and jewelry will be worthless. Even how our children turned out will be of little importance.

How would I live differently if I truly believed that my spiritual health was the most important aspect of my life? How would my priorities change if I really grasped the idea that nothing but my walk with God really matters? Maybe there is more in the books of Kings than I thought in the beginning. I suspect that I am going to learn a whole lot more than I had originally thought in this study. :)

He's not finished with me yet

2011-09-14T05:22:00.000-07:00

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

I started a new memory verse system this week and this is the first verse that I have to memorize. I have been carrying this verse in my pocket, reviewing it and pondering its meaning over the last day. At first it gave me such hope. To be reminded that we are a new creation and made NEW is exciting and encouraging but then just as quickly as I found joy in this idea I also began to see my old self still crouching right around the corner. In the very day that I was memorizing this verse about being in Christ and walking as his new creation I found my self struggle with anger and an outburst of wrath! What IS this? If I am a new creation and the old is gone why in the world did I just get angry with my own child and have a sudden outburst of wrath with out any warning! I thought my old self was gone and the NEW was here??

I went to bed last night discouraged and praying that God would give me wisdom in this. This morning as I sat in my quiet time He did just that. While we are a new creation sin is still here. Romans 6:6 says :We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. What this verse says is that sin loses it's power over our lives, what it does NOT say is that sin is GONE. While we are a new creation, we still have the “old man” that must be put to death.

This will not happen over night (or in 15 years in my case!!) It will take God's Word and the Holy Spirit in unison to experience that new nature. Our partis to submit in this daily process so that Jesus becomes greater while we become less. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less. John 3:30

This is a long process and we have to be patient and hopeful not allowing the enemy to feed us the lies in the process.Today I set aside my failings from yesterday and press on toward a new day. A new day is yet one more opportunity to become less so He can become greater. It all comes back to humility. The greatest thing God is teaching me right now.
God sees us already as a finished product. I am SO thankful for that!

King Rehoboam

2011-09-09T05:22:00.000-07:00

In my Old Testament reading I am in the book of 2 Chronicles. Today I was reading in chapter 12 and came across the story of King Rehoboam. He was the son of Soloman and the grandson of David. With a lineage like that you would think he would automatically inherit success, but along the way he made quite a few mistakes that caused him to fall out of the favor of the Lord.

His first pitfall was rejecting the council of older men (in 10:8) and instead consulting with younger men who had grown up with him. Dispite this he still became strong and established a great kingdom. The most profound thing to me about Rehoboams story though was found in the beginning of chapter 12. It says when Rehoboam was firmly established and strong, he abandoned the Law of the Lord, and all Israel followed him in this sin. (12:1)
This verse reminded me of my post yesterday! Isn't it funny that right when he was strong (obviously in his OWN strength!) he became prideful and abandoned the Law of the Lord! Not only did he fall into sin but he caused all the people of Israel to follow in his sin! And just as the verse I wrote about yesterday says: Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. And sure enough: Because they were unfaithful to the Lord, King Shishak of Egypt came up and attacked Jerusalem in the fifth year of King Rehoboam’s reign. (12:2) But here comes the great part: Because Rehoboam humbled himself, the Lord’s anger was turned away, and he did not destroy him completely. (12:12) Whooooo hooo!!! Praise God for his loving MERCY!!! Because Rehoboam humbled himself...that is the part of this verse that I love the most. Another lesson to me today about the importance of being humble!!

In His strength

2011-09-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

I have been finding myself so discouraged lately with all that I have to do and how little I am accomplishing in a day. I feel like I used to be so on top of things and get so much more done. It has made me do a lot of grumbling and complaining! I realized this morning that maybe being a little more tired and a feeling overwhelmed at times is God's way of humbleing me.

When I used to be the "doer" and never tired or got behind I think I might have been a little prideful. I never would have admitted it but at times I would look at other people and think...."man you need to get it together..or...why is she not as productive as I am?" It's been a long time since I had silly thoughts like that but it's true. Well, about 2 or 3 kids later, a crazy busy schedule, an over worked husband and a few health issues later, I find myself very much humbled. I used to think I did all those things in God's strength, but the truth is I was doing it in my own. I was proud of how fast I was and how much I could do in a day. Now I realize more than ever that I can do NOTHING with out the help of God's and in his strength.

Being humbled begins with realizing that I NEED Christ everyday in every way. I can not do anything with out His help. I can not be a good mother- a loving wife- a thoughtful friend - a caring neighbor - I cannot do anything without the help and encouragement of the one who gives me strength. I have learned after many times of trying to do all these things on my own strength that I will always fail. I will grow weary over time and fall. Even "thinking" I can do any of these things on my own strength is Pride. Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

He cares for the humble, keeps his distance from the proud

2011-08-16T06:30:00.000-07:00

Though the Lord is great, he cares for the humble,but he keeps his distance from the proud. Psalm 138:6
My first lesson as I seek the Lord to transform me is to be humbled. Just as Psalm 138:6 says, if I am not humble He will keep his distance. Pride is a sin and the great God we serve can not draw close to sin. If I want to be closer to God I must rid myself of my sin. I can only do that through Jesus and his cleansing power. My heart is full of sin- but for today I know the Lord is drawing me to look at my sin of pride-fullness. I look forward to seeing how he plans to transform me from being proud to being humble- like Him.

Transformation

2011-08-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

Until we get to heaven we are all in the process of a transformation. For some reason that word has been standing out to me lately....transformation. The dictionary defines the word transform: a. to change in composition or structure b : to change the outward form or appearance of c : to change in character or condition

That last part "c:" is what I want to see in my life. A change in my character and condition. The condition of my heart, my attitude, and my character. When we are Seeking God first in all things we will automatically be transformed. Our hearts and minds will be transformed, but I also bet that our outside appearance will change as well just as "b:" says. Joy will radiate in our faces and and something about us will just "look" different.

I want to be continually transformed. I am asking God today to help me be transformed into more of His likeness. I am not even sure what areas he wants to transform and so I take a risk in even asking him that! But I want it no matter what it takes. I want to seek Him first in all things and allow His holy Spirit to change me as he sees fit. The goal is to change me....no one else. To see my own sin.....no one else's. To be humbly transformed by the only one who really matters. My Lord and my Savior.

So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are transformed into his glorious image. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Dealings with my heart

2011-08-09T07:27:00.000-07:00

For my Birthday a sweet friend sent me a new book. Its a little book that at first glance looks like a mini Bible bound in black leather. It's called The Valley of Vision. It's a collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions. The Puritans were a group of Christians in the 16 and 1700's that broke away from the church of England and came to America in hopes of dedicating themselves to a life of purity and devotion to God. They believed that every individual must be reformed by God’s grace to fight against sin, and to do what is best for him/her and right before the Lord. Their strength in this came from their practice of prayer and meditation. Many of them who clung to doctrines of grace wrote down a record of God's intimate dealings with their souls, not with an eye to publication, but as a test of their spiritual growth, and to encourage themselves and others in their quest to purity and holiness.

As I am reading this collection of prayers and writings it is a sweet reminder to me of why I started this Blog several years ago. I started it so that I could keep a journal of all the things God was doing my heart and how he was changing me as I sought to Seek Him First in my my family, in my marriage, in my relationships, and in my life as a whole. I did not write it for publication and certainly not with motives of self boasting for if anything it has shown my weakness and my lack of ability to do or write anything that makes a bit of sense outside the grace of God on my finger tips as I peck away on the key board.

I do know though that it does test my spiritual growth and almost helps me to stay accountable to myself as I seek to be learning something new all the time. I notice that during the times in the past that I have been able to write consistently it has made for times of great spiritual growth and inspiration with in myself. If anyone else gets anything out of what I write then that will be another added miracle only possible by the grace of God. My influence on others would only be for encouragement and personal reflection on the lives of those who read it. My prayer would be that they too would join me in a quest for purity and holiness. For if we are still on this earth walking, breathing, and living our lives then it is only by the grace of God so that we can bring Glory to His Great Name and do his good works until the day of Jesus return.

"For me, living means living for Christ....." Philippians 1:21
"for we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior." Philippians 3:20

Light after the darkness

2011-07-20T05:34:00.000-07:00

I left off my last post with pictures of snow covering my almost bloomed spring flowers. Although life got busy and I never got a chance to take pictures of them, those snow covered beginnings of life did turn into beautiful blooms. It was a lovely spring and one that I appreciated more probably than any other in the past. The long, dark, cold winter made the spring seem brighter and more beautiful than any other.
Today my sweet neighbor and friend gave me Psalm 119 to read in the order of the following verses 18,15,5, &45. It came out like this:

I lie in the dust. (when I think of dust I think of a pit! A dark, filled with nothing, dust on the bottom PIT!) Revive me by your word. Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions. I will study your commandments and reflect on your ways. Oh that my actions would CONSISTENTLY (that's key for me!) reflect your decrees. I will walk in freedom because I have devoted myself to your commands.

The only way to get out of the dust -the pit- is to look to Christ (not the "snow" ~our struggles) and KEEP our eyes on Christ. Looking to Him is the only way to get out and stay (consistent!) out of that pit.

When you are in a pit it is dark. Only when you look up can you see the light. Keep looking up towards the light! He will pull you out and then with our eyes on the light he will keep us from falling back in there again and again!

Do not be discouraged

2011-05-03T11:30:00.000-07:00

Just to reiterate my post a few weeks ago about being CrAzY busy....I must mention before actually posting this that it was started on the 19th of April!! I love to write but WHERE is the time!! :)

Have you ever been so excited about something and then when your least expecting it things take a turn and you find yourself feeling discouraged? This happens a lot in our faith. It can happen for different reasons. Sometimes it is something called Spiritual warfare and sometimes it is simply God changing your course toward something different. With prayer and careful discernment of a situation it can be easy to tell the difference. Either way God is good, He knows what He is doing, and we can trust Him! God's will always prevails and we must not allow the enemy and his lies discourage us.
A few days ago I posted some pictures on here of green sprouts that were starting to peek out in my yard. I talked about how encouraged I was by the fact that during this hard cold winter full of deadness these little shoots were coming up and showing new life. God was working even when I could not see Him, and the new green leaves popping out were signs of His Goodness coming through. But check out these pictures taken just a few days later!

Even in those times when we can not physically "see" what God is doing we have to trust him. The enemy is always out to try to distract us from seeing and trusting God's good work. Don't let him win the battle. God always has the victory and nothing can stop His good work....not even an April 18th snow storm! I trust that He STILL has plans to bring up pretty flowers underneath that snow, and we can trust that He still plans good for us even when we can't see what it is He is doing.

..in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8: 37-39

He's always working

2011-04-12T11:26:00.000-07:00

I remember when we bought this house the lady that owned it before us told me a whole list of things that were planted in the yard that would come up in the Spring. I had forgotten about it until just this weekend when I began to see some of the little green shoots peeking out of the ground ALL over the yard, around the trees and in the flower beds. It is kind of exciting seeing and knowing that something beautiful is coming but not really knowing what.
God is constantly at work in our lives in this same way. We don't always know what God is up to but we do know that what ever God is doing it is going to be good and beautiful. I am so thankful that He wants to make me righteous, holy, and good just like Himself. I know that in order to achieve this He is constantly working in my life and in my heart. I think sometimes we can begin to feel a little stagnant. Maybe not "seeing" God working or what it is He is doing in our lives at the very moment. Maybe just like I have been writing about, we are in a "waiting" time. But just like those flowers in my yard, God is still working.

I haven't really "seen" anything going on in the yard or in those flower beds, but obviously something has been at work or those little green shoots wouldn't be peeking out right now. I am not always sure what God is up to, but I do know that we can find encouragement in the fact that God is always working! I am looking forward to seeing what will come out of those flowers in the yard, and I am looking forward to seeing what God is working on in my heart right now. Even if I don't really "see" a whole lot going on at the moment.

Waiting on the Lord

2011-04-04T18:06:00.000-07:00

As I thought more about waiting over the past few days I asked myself "what am I waiting for?" It seems like we are all always "waiting" on something. We always have a hope in something. Some people are waiting on that new job offer, some on that new baby, a husband, a vacation, for us military people....that next assignment. Seems like the next "thing" is what we are always waiting on. Sometimes we get so focused on the thing that we're waiting on that we forget to live right now. We find ourselves always waiting on the "next thing" instead of being content with that which has already been given to us. We are waiting for that pay raise...instead of being thankful and praising God for the money that he provides for us right now. We are waiting on that next phase of baby-hood so much that we miss the joy of the phase they're in now. I was guilty of this many times with my first baby. I found my self always saying things like "I can't wait until she can...." Sometimes saying "I can't wait until .." means we are not content with where we are right now. Waiting is hard when we know what we are waiting for. It is even harder when we don't even know what it is we are waiting for. Those are times when God calls us to be content right where He has us. Not looking for the next best thing. Contentment..... I am praying for God to teach it to me. Am I content just waiting on Him and Him alone? Or am I always striving for that next best thing? And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7 But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; Micah 7:7

Happy to Wait

2011-04-02T17:47:00.000-07:00

I am girl who loves loves the sun and summer. Most of my life I have lived in pretty warm places. Places ranging from Puerto Rico where I went to High School, New Mexico, Charleston, SC, even the Sun Shine State which I called home for the past 2 years, but this year I spent my first winter up north in Michigan. The experience kind of reminded me of being pregnant. The first few months were fun and exciting. The new clothes are fun to buy. I enjoyed the snow covered trees and houses. We enjoyed warm soup and hot fires. But right about February the fun and newness was starting to wear off! Christmas was over and the nostalgia of all this snow, ice and cold was fizzle off fast! My new clothes and boots that were so cute and exciting to wear in September and October wear getting old and I was so sick of my winter coat, hat and gloves that if I could I would love to throw them into the nearest bonfire! If you have ever been pregnant you will remember this same feeling about your maternity clothes about the 9th month of your pregnancy!! Well here it is the end of March and while I know Spring is right around the corner it is still 19* outside today and I feel like I have been waiting FOREVER!! One thing I did realize today though is that in all the warm places I have lived all my life, I have never looked SO forward to spring as I did THIS year. This will be one of the most exciting, heavily anticipated Springs I have ever experienced! It's funny how the things we have to wait for always are so much more appreciated than the things that come to us easily or quickly. Just ask any mother that has struggled through infertility and after many many years finally conceives that first baby. One thing that came clear to me today as I thought about the upcoming Spring is that while it seems to be a long time coming, it has already been promised to us. We know it is coming, but just like the saying goes "good things come to those who wait" ...everything that comes from God IS good, so we know that the more more He has us to wait the better whatever He has for us must be. Waiting means God is working! That makes me happy to wait. The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. Lamentations 3:25

No time for anything!

2011-03-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

I noticed my last my post was called "no time for that lie".....today I realized I have no time for anything! !! My goodness.... weeks goes by so quickly and where does it go? The older my kids get the less time I seem to have. For some reason I thought it would be the opposite!! As busy as my life is, I pray that God will help me to see His goodness and show His love even in the chaos of this season of my life. So grateful to serve my husband and my children in love, as hard as that may be sometimes. That reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my very best friends just a few days ago. We have been trying to plan to see each other for months. We had looked into a Lake House in Holland Michigan that belongs to one of her family members. The idea of a girls getaway had us both giddy with excitement. As we tried to put the whole thing together one obstacle after another kept coming up. Her husband is in school in the DC area and mine is at the brink of major career and life changes. Between home school conventions, spring break, husbands work and school schedules.....this girls getaway began to get more and more impossible. We both fell into the temptation of frustration and discouragement. As much as we wanted this time together, and actually felt deserving of it for that matter, we also came to the conclusion that this was not God's time. As hard as it was to accept, this time was a time for us to serve our husbands and our children. Sacrificing that which we both so badly desired. Our Lord sacrificed every thing for us...unto death He gave of himself. Why is it so hard for me to do the same? This is something I am still still seeking to understand, but for now I am being obedient and trusting that God has a perfect time. For now we will serve with joyful hearts! He will tell us when the perfect time is to see my sweet friend. There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

No time for that lie

2011-03-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

When I first started this blog I was starting it with a friend who too was starting one. Following in her idea I started out trying to share each day something God was teaching me spiritually as I sought to do just as my blog is named....Seek Him First. Sometime in the last few days as I sat trying to think about what to post I let the enemy feed a little lie to me. A lie that made me wonder for a moment if I really ever had anything of Spiritual importance to write anymore. Great things used to just come to me, but for some reason with four kids (consisting of a teenager, a tween, an elementary schooler and preschooler!) and a husband.....my life has seemed almost so overwhelming sometimes that I barely have time to think about what to make for dinner better yet what God has taught me today. So what the enemy wanted me to think is that God isn't teaching me anything....I don't have the TIME for Him to teach me anything. Well I know that just simply isn't true. As I was in a rush making dinner tonight I realized that there were 5 minutes left on the kitchen timer before my food was due out of the oven. As most nights are in this house we had a lot going on this evening and dinner could not be late. Everything was ready to go so with 5 minutes on the timer I wondered in my head what I could do with this spare 5 minutes....facebook...e-mail....then God prodded....I could pray. I walked in the office sat on the chair and gave the Lord 5 minutes of prayer. Even when that timer went off I pulled out dinner to cool and went back for 5 minutes more. ;) What I learned during this 10 minutes of prayer is that the only thing I don't have time for is the enemies lies. Yes, my life is crazy, yes my life is busy, but even in all the rushed wild craziness the Lord is teaching me things every single day. And as I continue to Seek Him First, He will continue to teach me and show me all that He wants me to know.

Don't fall for the Phish Food!

2011-02-21T21:18:00.000-08:00

My husband and I started a little "healthy eating" plan together after Valentines Day. We were doing so well and then out of the blue my husband looses his mind Friday night and comes home with a pint of my very favorite ice cream...Ben and Jerry's Phish Food! I was so mad at him but at the same time didn't take it upon myself to do anything about it other than sit on the couch over the coarse of the last 2 nights and eat the whole container! Last night as I finished it off I thew the container in the trash. This morning as I came into the kitchen before my early morning work out I pulled the container back out of the trash to see just how many calories I had to make up for this morning after sabotaging my "healthy eating" plan over the weekend. That entire container of Ben and Jerry's Phish food had a total of 1400 calories!! I was so mad at myself for sabotaging my weekend eating that I got on my treadmill with the intention of working out as hard as I could and seeing how close i could get to depleting that 1400 calorie deficit. I was on that treadmill for 45 minutes about to kill myself doing intervals sometimes so hard that they would have had me flying across the basement if I had mis-stepped on that belt going faster than the speed of light. I was sweating like never before and in the end as I looked at the calories burned on the display it showed that I had burned a whole whopping 434 calories. Almost 1,000 more to go! Good grief I'll NEVER make it! That darn ice cream tasted so good at the time, but the after effects are nearing impossible to make up for! It was at that moment that I realized that sin is just like that. Sin always seems good at the time but the after effects make you realize that it really wasn't worth it at all. That is what makes our savior so great. He doesn't require us to "burn" off all that sin. If He did we would be hopeless. There would be no way we could ever work out enough to make up for all the sin in our life. Instead, He just wipes it away! Free! Without any "work out" from us. Oh how grateful I am for that. So as with my Ben and Jerry's when we mess up, all we can do is throw out the empty container....give it to Him, start over, and allow Him to help us make a better choice next time! if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 1John 1:7

ASCENDED to do His great work!

2011-02-16T21:04:00.000-08:00

Following up on what I wrote about yesterday I am SO excited to share what God showed me this morning when I read Ephesians 4

Starting in v. 9 it talks about how Jesus "ascended". In order to ascend he had to "descend" first. He had to be brought to lowly places. (this earth) but because he did v. 10 says he was then able to “ascend higher than all the heavens, so that he might fill the entire universe with himself.”
After writing yesterday about one of the lowliest places I have ever been it was made so clear to me HOW it is that God made beauty out of my mess......He brought me (I descended) to my "lowly" place so that He could ascend me higher and I could then in turn do what he has gifted me to do which is in v. 11&12....be teachers....v.12 "Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ."
v. 10 says that the whole reason Jesus ascended (and left us here to do his work) is so that the entire universe can be filled with himself.....wow!! that's a big job!! But this world is getting uglier by the minute. There is no better time than now to be (v.13) bringing others (starting with our children and then other women) to "maturity in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ." Then if you read on 14-16 it talks about no longer being immature like children but instead "growing more and more like Christ."
That of course.....should be our ULTIMATE goal in teaching. ;)

That's what He called us for....to equip others to do His work and build up the church body and helping them become mature in the Lord.
"He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts GROW, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love."

I am ever so thank full today that He descended me to the pits....so that I could be ASCENDED to do His great work! Instead of feeling defeated and weakened by my trial verse 10 reminds me that my trial was meant to bring me HIGHER than I was before. From all that the Lord taught me over the past 2 years, I know that I have so much to share with others. I am excited about it and can't wait to see what the Lord has in store!

Beauty out of messes

2011-02-15T20:29:00.000-08:00

Ever since we moved here this summer I have been struggling to figure out what God's plan is for me and for my time here in Michigan. I am finally settled in and am wanting God to show me where to serve and how to minister. When we were in New Mexico and during the first part of our time in Florida God was really leading me in the way of women's ministry. He was opening so many doors and opportunities to speak, teach, and minister to woman. I enjoyed it SO much and was amazed at the good work God was doing in me and and in the women around me.

About half way through our time in Florida (and during what seemed like the peak of my ministry and walk with the Lord) a lot happened in my life. With out divulging all the details I will just say that I went through one of the biggest trials of my life. My family, my faith and my life as I knew it was forever changed by trial and quite frankly tragedy.

Although with the Lords help the pieces have slowly and prayerfully been put back together, I feel like it has taken me a good almost 2 years to really get to a place where I can think about ministry again. When tragedy hit my life my ministry came to a screeching halt and instead of ministering to others, I spent 2 years allowing God to minister to me and my broken heart.

I'm still seeking Him for the strength and wisdom, but I know that my heart does desire to lead and teach again. When you have been to the lowest of your lows sometimes it is hard to convince your self again that you have anything to give to anyone else from the mess of a pit inside yourself. But God does make beauty out of messes....that I suppose is what He wants us to share the most!

Living in Purity and Holiness

2011-02-09T20:17:00.000-08:00

I came across this verse this morning during my quiet time in 2 Corinthians and used it as a prayer for myself.
It is from 2 Corinthians 6:3-4; 6-7; & 10
Lord I want to live in such a way that no one will stumble because of me, and no one will find fault with my ministry. In everything I do, I will show that I am a true minister of God. I patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind.
I prove myself by my purity, my understanding, my patience, my kindness, by the Holy Spirit within me, and by my sincere love. I faithfully preach the truth. God's power is working in me. I use weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense.
Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.

Lord help me to live in a way that is true to this prayer. I know that I have not always, and I know that even still I will time and again fail, but with your help Lord I want to live a life of Holiness, growing more in my Faith and Righteousness everyday.

Praying for the impossible

2011-02-07T19:41:00.000-08:00

My sweet friend in Maryland goes to a great church with sermons that I often listen to on-line. Over the last few weeks the sermons have been on the book of Nehemiah. I have never really studied this book in depth, but as I have been listening to these sermons I have really been thinking about the faithfulness of our God to do great things in our lives when we really seek Him with our everything. A few days ago the Lord prompted my heart to memorize Ephesians 3:20 after hearing it at my Esther Bible study one day. I did and it says Our great God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us Even more than we could ever ASK or IMAGINE!! Isn't that amazing! And here I am half the time too faithless to even ask better yet believe that He could go above and beyond!

Feeling Overwhelmed

2011-01-24T19:26:00.000-08:00

Feeling overwhelmed these days. Wanting to do too many things and looking too many directions and not sure which ones the Lord wants me to take.

Just a few......
church: which church do we finally commit to? Do we want to "join" as official members? Where do I want to get involved in the church/serve?
Finances: Things have been stretched thin...do I want to get a job of some sort? Help out financially? I have my interests.....jewelry making...my vinyl...home day care?? my hair salon/spa is hiring for their new location...a receptionist maybe??...my photography???
What about my Bible Studies? I am in the Acts study at CBS but also really would love to join the new Esther study at church so I can get to know the woman of the church. I am doing a small study on the Parables of Jesus with my neighbor across the street. And on top of all that CBS has asked me to step into a leadership position.

Oh my head is just SPINNING!!! And as it is spinning here is the wonderful verse the Lord gave me today:

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21
He never leaves us with our heads spinning!! Seeking Him today.

Finally Settled In

2010-11-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

Well our move to Michigan was a long one and finally getting into our house was even longer. Trial after trial kept me relying on God for strength and a joyful attitude. With 4 kids in a one bedroom hotel room for over 2 months.....it could be nothing other than the Holy Spirit that could have helped me through such a trying time. Looking back I wish I could have journal each and everyday. I had the time seeing as we spent most of our days by the hotel pool, but since I didn't I guess I will just have to pick up where I left off. Don't be fooled into thinking that the good Lord didn't teach me anything while I was away because He SURE did!

Reading through my last post before leaving Florida made me realize how precious these days are. I hope to find the time as often as I can to sit down and journal them on this blog. There was a time when I was able to write everyday. I don't know when my life seemed to get so chaotic that I hardly have time to breath better yet write on a blog, but I sure will try just for the pure blessing of being able to look back and see how much the Lord has been teaching me all along the way as I strive to Seek Him First. :)

Our Story here

2010-04-20T10:35:00.001-07:00

I love to take pictures and while I am not a scrapbooker, I do like to put them in albums so my children can take them off the bookshelf and look at them. Each book is labeled with the dates of the pictures inside and I love them because I feel like they tell the story of our life together as a family.

I have been behind on pictures and albums almost the entire time we have lived here. I ordered all the pictures a while back but have had them in stacks waiting to go in the albums for months. Since we are moving soon I have been motivated to get them in the albums so we can pack them for the move.

Today as I filled the albums with pictures starting right about the time we moved here to Florida. I struggled not to get really sad about the time that has gone by so quickly here. It seems like we just moved here and yet in just a week or so from now it will have been 3 years. I don't even think I realized until looking through the pictures today how much we have actually done while stationed here. It has been a great time and I will miss it so much.

You never take pictures of the bad times or the trials, yet so often those are the things that you always remember the most. Looking at my pictures today I didn't see all the trials we experienced while here in Panama City. What I saw were trips to the beach, Birthday party's, house remodeling, visits from friends and family, lost teeth, stitches, haircuts, even a sweet baby brother being born! Blueberry picking, Thanksgiving Dinners, church activities. Every picture told a part of the story. The story of our life here in Panama City. What a fun and exciting story it has been. I will not be sad about it though as I have struggled with all day! I will be joyful and thankful for the blessing Panama City has been to me and my family. God is so good and he always has good plans for us! We just have to take the time to see His side of the story!

My Long Lost Blog!!

2010-04-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

Ok so tonight something sparked my memory of this long lost blog that I have neglected for so long. It reminded me of how much I grew when I really took the time each day to ask myself “What did God teach me today and in what ways did I seek Him first?” Then journal (or blog I guess would be the term!) about it. I didn’t realize how much I missed that. But of course lots happened over this last year and I think maybe it was perfectly in God’s plan for me to take some time off. Maybe I’ll try to get back in to it if I can. It probably won’t be everyday…especially since we are supposed to be packed out of this house in like 6 weeks! But, I’ll try my best.
God is definitely working in my life even if I don’t have time to blog about it. Right now he is helping me to work through the idea of moving this summer and homeschooling next year. I have been so hesitant to make that final decision about doing it. (home schooling not moving…that I don’t have a choice about!) I asked the Lord to help me the other day to see why it is that I am having such a hard time with it. I know that I want to be with my children because they are growing so fast and I feel like it is going to be over in a flash. I know that I want to be able to instill Godly values in them. I know that it would be valuable to them, so why is it that I am so afraid of it? Little by little the Lord has been giving me answers.
The first one is: With all that has happened in our family in the past year our home has been a little chaotic. We have slacked off in our parenting and not been as diligent in our disciplining. There is whining and disobedience, disrespect and dishonor. It has all snuck in so slyly. This week I realized that if I want to home school we have to restore the order in our home.
But if you will look to God and plead with the Almighty, if you are pure and upright, even now he will rouse himself on your behalf and restore you to your rightful place. Job 8:5-6
And secondly: The Lord showed me that I am worried with what others will think. My husband’s family in Michigan and mine in Chicago will be so close now and I can already feel myself starting to concern myself with what they think. I know better. I must choose God over man.
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

Day 32 Faith and Fruit

2009-03-05T19:55:00.000-08:00

It is the wildest thing sometimes how when God is teaching me something I end up hearing the same message over and over in different places. For example I went to a retreat last weekend, heard a sermon at church on Sunday, and then went to Bible study on Thursday and ALL three amazingly related to one another. (That is even more wild seeing as the Bible study by Kay Arthur was written in 1980 somthing!)

It is almost scary sometimes how God does that. This week I have been learning (over and over!) about how salvation is not just saying we believe in God (anyone can do that) it is about true faith that shows itself through how we live our lives. True faith produces fruit. If we are in true fellowship with God our hearts will long to be made righteous and seek to obey Him.

We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

Day 33 Trusting like Christ

2009-03-04T22:04:00.000-08:00

In case you can't tell I am counting backwards toward the end of this journey towards Easter. It feels like it has been a month already and it has only been a week!
Tonight at church the pastor talked about how Jesus knew he was going to be crucified as he went through the weeks of Lent. It was probably one of the hardest times of his life here on earth. He knew he was getting ready to die, yet he maintained his focus and lived each day with a trust in God. Knowing that even though these times where hard God had a perfect plan and was going to take care of Him. Our pastor encourages us to look at the hardships in our lives. Are we living through them with a trust in God and a knowing that good always comes through our trials.
Times are not always easy and sometimes I don't know why God just can't do things my way to make it "easier"!
I heard this little statement last night that made me think a lot about God's sovereignty....
"nothing happens in the life of a Christ follower with out the heavenly Father's permission"

That reminds me that no matter what I am struggling with it must be God's plan for me, so I must handle it with a joyful heart, trusting in God just like Christ did.

How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension! Psalm 147:5

Day 34 Help!

2009-03-03T05:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, so last night at Bible study Julie brought the most beautiful brownies I have EVER seen! Fudge brownies with white icing on top and chocolate fudge drizzled over the top of the white icing!
Jesus died for my sins.....I kept telling myself as I sat there thinking I might just die if I didn't eat just one. I have tried not to make it too much of a public knowledge that I have given up anything for Lent, but last night in my weakness I had to call on the support of my sisters! I was so glad that I did, because even Julie who made the delectable beauties talked me out of eating one. She promised me that for Easter she would make me a whole batch! :-)

Day35 Accountability

2009-03-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

Today I talked to my friend who started this whole idea in me of giving up something for Lent. I was glad to hear that she too was still standing firm. We shared with one another several of the hard temptations that we have had to press through.
She had a Birthday party yesterday where they served Chocolate fudge cake with a cream cheese filling! As she was telling me this story I thought for sure she was going to tell me that she had given in just for the occasion. I was SO proud of her that she resisted such a temptation. My mouth was watering just hearing her describe this delectable cake!! I then shared with her that there had been several times over the weekend that I was tempted to give in but didn’t want to have to tell her when I talked to her the next day that I had failed. This made us both realize that we had made each other accountability partners.
What an important part of our walk with Christ! …our accountability to others. I know that if I had confessed to my friend that I had given in to the cheese cake Saturday that she would still love me anyway just as I would if she had given in to the chocolate Birthday cake, but we didn’t want to let the other one down. We stood together and our accountability to one another helped us to resist the temptation to give in.
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for has not another to help him up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Day 36 Friends and encouragers

2009-03-01T19:56:00.000-08:00

Today after church we went to a Chinese Buffet. The dessert bar was again a HUGE temptation. The ice cream station was even harder! Mint chocolate chip!! I mean come on!! I stuck to it and only ate fruit. It is sad, but I have to say that this is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I never realized how many sweets I really enjoy all the time and never even think twice about it.

Tonight at church I was so tempted to have a chocolate chip cookie with the kids. One of my friends who knows that I have given up sweets said to me…..”don’t do it….it’s not worth it. They aren’t that good anyway!” I didn’t know if she was telling the truth or not, but we smiled at each other and I then told her that the taco meat we had on the taco salad wasn’t any good either. See, she gave up red meat for Lent so although I had the meat she just had a bowl of chips with cheese and salsa on it.

This little incident made me think of how important our friends are to us for strength and encouragement. Although what she was required to resist was different than what it was for me, she helped me to stand against the temptation and I helped her!

Today I am ever so thankful to all the friends I have who encourage me and help me to stand strong when I am weak.

encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first. Hebrews 3:13-14

Day 37 Never reason with sin

2009-02-28T16:53:00.000-08:00

If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness!! He himself Has redeem Deidra from all of her sins. (Psalm 13)

My sin was enough to condemn me, but instead He was faithful to forgive me. I am taking just a tiny sip of that bitter cup- denying myself so that I can have more or Him.

Today at the conference they again had a plethora delicious looking sweets! This morning they had this chocolate coffee cake that looked SO good. At lunch right in front of my plate sat a beautiful piece of cheese cake with blueberry topping. I even tried to reason with myself wondering if maybe I could go with the “cheese” part and not consider it a sweet. Well the fact that it had “cake” at the end of it kind of made it obvious that it was off limits. Funny how even with sin sometimes we try to manipulate it into what we want it to be. We try to justify our actions or choices when we know good and well that we should just call it what it is. It’s sin and we can not compromise.
Just like that “cheese” was “CAKE’ and I was not to partake in it. Thankfully the Lord was right there waiting to help me resist and I did.

Day 38 No compromising

2009-02-27T22:08:00.000-08:00

Tonight I went to a Hope for the Heart conference at one of our local churched. Babbi Mason was there and she and her friend Donna were wonderful speakers. Before the conference they had snacks in this room of the church. Talk about temptation!! They had brownies, cake, chocolate chunk cookies that looked like they came straight from heaven itself!! They even had chocolate covered pretzels!! My favorite!! So many times in my head I though…….”it’s too hard tonight…I will just give in since this is a special event” I learned a wonderful lesson from this experience. I resisted the temptation to give in and I am so glad I did.

I chose not to compromise on what I had set forth to do just because it got hard. So many times in my walk I compromise my ability to stand firm against sin just because of my circumstances. When I am tired I give into the temptation to get angry or grumpy with my kids. When I am irritated I give into the temptation to be disrespectful to my husband. When I am weary I give into the temptation to be lazy and complacent.

Even thought I was at this conference surrounded by sweets that looked too hard to resist, I still had to stand firm. I realized that it is so important for me not to compromise my faithfulness to Christ no matter what. My circumstances can not rule how I act or how I respond.

I also set in place my official goal for the next 40 days and it comes from

Psalm 51 :10 &12:

Create in me a clean heart , Oh God, and Renew a right spirit within me. Restore to me the JOY of your salvation and grant me willingness to obey you.

I was absolutely amazed when I cam across this scripture. This sums up completely what my goals is for this Lent season.

Day 39 Faithful Unto Death

2009-02-26T14:45:00.000-08:00

Today in Bible study we looked at the seriousness of Covenants we enter into and how serious God is about us keeping the covenants we make with Him and He with us. We looked at several examples of how God is even prepared to put to death those who are not obedient to Him. We looked at communion and how it symbolizes of our Covenant with Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:27-28 says: whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup.

If I am going to claim to be in Covenant with Christ I need to examine my heart and ask Christ to point out to me where I need to be cleansed. I want to walk in a way worthy of being called His.

A few thoughts: True salvation leads to the obedience of faith…
Is salvation just belief with out obedience?
Surrender: a total committal of oneself -even unto death
Jesus died for my sins- He removed my sins

Christ was faithful unto death…..will I be faithful?? Or will I give in?

Giving up sweets is hard. I found my self craving anything and everything....Brady’s Nilla Wafers looked heavenly today. I opened up the fridge and could have sworn the chocolate pudding cup called me by name!
Being obedient to God is hard too. Can I handle it? Will I be faithful or will I give in to the desires of my flesh?

Day 40 more conciousness

2009-02-25T19:44:00.000-08:00

It’s only the first day and I am already being tested! After PE today the homeschool group went to the Pizza Hut buffet for lunch. Normally I would have just gone up and got a piece of dessert pizza without even thinking about it. I also would have gotten a Coke with my Pizza and not even thought twice about it.
Today I realized that sometimes my sin or disobedience (like my sweets) is something that I don’t even recognize or think twice about. I had to make a conscious effort today to say no to the coke and the dessert. I need to start making a more conscious effort to be obedient to Christ and to all that He has called for me to do (or not do!)
In the car on the way to church my husband was answering a question from one of the kids. Without even thinking twice, I butted in and corrected what he was saying. This actually irritated him and he even made a comment about it. This was a perfect example of me being disobedient to what God has told me (to be more respectful to my husband and his authority) and how with out even thinking about it I gave into sin. Just like I am having to be more aware of what I choose to put in my mouth, I need to be more aware of what comes out of my mouth and think about it before it does.

What I want to accomplish over the next 40 days

2009-02-24T22:42:00.000-08:00

If I am going to give up sweets, it is going to have to be for a great cause! I havn’t even been able to give up sweets for even a day for any reason. Even loosing weight has never been a strong enough reason for me to give up sweets. I would rather run 10 miles afterward than to give up a piece of cake! So, what is my purpose of giving up sweets? Here is what I came up with today.
First of all…it is NOT about the sweets. I don’t in anyway think sweets are a problem in my life. I have no NEED to cut them out. I am CHOOSING to cut out something I really enjoy as a symbol of the sin on my life, and the sacrifice Christ made for me so that I can be washed clean of that sin and be called holy and righteous before Him.

During the next 40 days I hope to achieve a spiritual renewal through a stronger faith in Christ. I hope to replace my longing for sweets with a greater longing for Him. I hope to do this by focusing more on prayer and a disciplined heart seeking to be in obedience to God in several areas of my life. *prayer *surrendering ALL *slow to anger *slow to speak *respect for my husband
I am sure the Lord will be pointing more ways out to me as the days go by. I am eager to see what he shows me.

Lent

2009-02-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

I have never been one to really give up anything for Lent. To be honest with you when the idea was brought to my attention by my friend this past week I really didn't know anything about it. I tentatively agreed to give something up with her, and then went on line to research exactly what Lent was and what I was supposed to do. As I looked at different things on the internet I only got my self more confused and even a little discouraged. I even read sights that claimed that giving something up for Lent was not Biblical. Being overwhelmed, I just decided to pray about it and ask the Lord Himself to tell me what this was all about and if he wanted me to do it.

I started out asking the Lord what I would give up. I started to feel that what I gave up shouldn’t be something that I feel I need to give up, but rather something that I really enjoyed and found pleasure in. I would be giving it up not because I have to, but because I want to. I want to as a sacrifice. A sacrifice on my part symbolizing the sacrifice God made for me for my sins. For the next 40 days I made the decision to commit to a complete surrender to the Lord and all that he wanted to work in and out of me. I would do this in the form of a fast. A fast of all sweets including what I call all the C’s. Cake, Candy, Cookies, ice Cream and Coke (but not coffee!!) If you know me well, you know that this will not be an easy task for me. I eat these things EVERY day and when EVER I want! This may very well be one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I am committed to it and I am going to do it!

Now, it has been a busy few months for me and while I have kept a written journal and continued to grow in the Lord, I have not had the time to write on my blog. I am anticipating though, that the next 40 days are going to be life changing for me. I believe that the Lord is going to make changes in me like never before. I am ready, and I don’t want to miss one thing. So, to help myself keep track of this 40 day journey (and to keep from getting writers cramp trying to write all in my written journal!) I will use my blog to count down and journal the next 40 days.

I will spend today praying for what God wants me to focus on during this time. Praying for my husband? Praying for my children? Reading my Bible more? More positive thinking? What does he want me to put on in place of what I am putting off?

God against Pharaoh

2008-09-29T06:19:00.001-07:00

Last night my husband and I were so frustrated with parenting that I was literally ready to throw in the towel. I feel like our frustration levels are so high, and we are lacking the evidence of fruit that we need to feel encouraged enough to keep pressing on. I prayed last night for the Lord to give me wisdom as well as the encouragement I so badly need right now.

This morning I read Exodus 2:1-10. Jochebed, the mother of Moses trusted God with her son even when Pharaoh's evil was working against her. She trusted Him and he blessed her. I feel like I have a HUGE Pharaoh in my life working against me and my efforts to raise Godly children. My Pharaoh is the world. It's ungodly neighborhood children and their families, school, friends. Every where my children go it seems they pick up on such worldly things and negative traits. I sometimes feel like my efforts are useless and I am loosing to the outside influences.

I can't lock my children up and never let them out in the world (although I wouldn't mind it!) Last week Brady said a curse word (at church even!) that my husband and I have never used, yesterday Zack was talking in the car about Grand Theft Auto...a video game that we have NEVER let him play. Where do they get these things. Unfortunately they do go to public school and I know that is a huge part of it. I think about homeschooling ALL the time but we have tried that before and it didn't work out very well for us. I question my decision on that issue every single day, but my husband and feel like we can't keep putting them in and pulling them out. So until we can make a sound and somewhat permanent decision on the matter we have decided to leave them where they are.

In the mean time, I guess I need to be more like Jochebed and trust God completely for the welfare of my children. Even though it may have sometimes looked like Pharaoh had the upper hand, Jochebed loved God and knew that He was bigger than any of Pharaoh's evil schemes.

Obedience

2008-09-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

Last night my husband and I sat down to look at our house rules and make up a list of things we want to work on with our children. In the end we realized that what we want more than anything else is simply obedience. Everything else we wrote on our list seemed to fit into that category anyway. No running in the house.......treat others with kindness.......use words instead of hitting.....clean up after yourself......these are all all important house "rules", but none of it will do any good with out the simple act of obedience on their part.

This made me look this morning at what "rules" the Lord has been trying to establish with me. ......honor my husband.....serve my family selflessly with a joyful heart.....no complaining....spend less money each pay day.....control anger and irritation......Am I being obedient?

Obedience is not always easy but it is always worth it. Obedience to God always brings reward. Deuteronomy 28 spells out the rewards promised to those who obey the Lord, and then the cursing of those who do not. I know which side of that plan I want to be on!!

In the end my husband and I decided that in addition to consequences for disobedience we want to have a reward system for obedience. We came up with a plan to have obedience jars where they will have a certain number of beads each. Throughout they day when they are not obedient (obedience being...the first time asked with out whining, complaining or delay) they have to take out a bead and bring it to us. At the end of the week there will be a reward for those who have a certain amount of beads left in their jar. It got late so we didn't get to work out all the details just yet, but the idea is there and we will work on it more tonight.

looking to serve

2008-08-20T06:51:00.000-07:00

Brady got a McDonalds gift card from my grandmother for his Birthday so yesterday when the big kids had school and he did not I look him out for lunch to use it. We ordered our food and then went to make our drinks. As I was doing this they called out our order. I looked over at the tray with our 2 happy meals on it I realized that I would have to take the drinks and the baby to the table first and come back for the food.

When I got to the table and got everything settled I turned around to go back and get our food and a man came up behind me and set down our tray. He said..."it looked like you had your hands full." I thanked him for being so kind and then had this thought.

Carrying that tray to my table was such a small thing, but it really blessed me. It made me ask myself...."am I always looking for ways to serve others?" The man saw a need, and acted on it quickly.

That is my prayer today.......For God to open my eyes to ways (even little ones) that I can serve others. And for me to act quickly. Not to think about it or ponder on it like I tend to do, but to just see a need and act.

Looking back now I wish I would have used that time to talk to Brayden about serving others and pointed out how kind that man was to us. Maybe he will still remember if I talk to him about it today.

Feelings

2008-08-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

In this season of my life I am "feeling" a lot of things.
I am feeling tired.....I feel overwhelmed ....... I am not feeling very skinny......I don't feel very organized.....I actually have been feeling very distant from God spiritually at times.....I don't have as much time as I have in the past to really dig deep into the Word like I am used to. I don't feel filled with the Holy Spirit.

As I said all these things to my friend the other day she pointed out the obvious thing that I didn't even hear myself saying over and over again......all these things are based on my "feelings".
Yesterday my husband and I went to Chili's and shared a big bacon cheese burger followed by a yummy dessert. When we were finished I felt so yuck and fat the rest of the day. This morning after eating all that I still got dressed feeling so "fat"! Well I wentto my son's orientation at school and a girl there complimented me on how great I looked. She said I didn't even look like I had had a baby. She and another girl went on and on about how great I looked already.
WOW!! All the sudden this afternoon I feel so skinny!!!!!!

Am I really any skinnier today than I was yesterday??? NO! The truth is I am only "feeling" one way or the other based on my circumstances, or even what someone else told me!

The same is true about my spiritual walk. I can not base my relationship with the Lord on my "feelings". I am just as filled with the Holy spirit now as I have always been. My circumstances may be different, and I am may not "feel" as spiritual as I may have at other times, but God is working in me all the time, and I need to speak and act in a way that reflects his righteousness all the time despite how I might be "feeling".

Good influence

2008-08-12T04:21:00.000-07:00

Victoria is participating in youth week this week at church. They are out doing community service in the mornings followed by fun and fellow ship in the afternoons and praise and worship in the evening. It is always a long but really fun week for our youth.

Since we moved here last summer I have prayed for Victoria to find new friends. Because she was home schooled, this was a hard thing for her. In my prayers I would always ask that she find friends of good influence. Every time she is away from me I always pray that she be surrounded by good influence.

Well yesterday I came to the realization of something......good influence at Victoria's age is hard to find. Especially when limited to the idea that most of her friends are 12 and 13 years old. Instead, why not pray that she make the right choices in the midst of bad influence. I can also pray that she be a good influence to those she is around. I think this is a more realistic approach to praying for her. It also shows her that I have the confidence in her that she knows right from wrong and is mature enough to make the right decisions despite the influences around her. That is something she will benefit from even in her adult life.

Max Isaiah

2008-08-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

Max Isaiah Nichols was born on June 23rd 2008 The day he was born was such a special one. I believe it was the day God completed our family.

The first few days of his life I could only look at him and be overwhelmed with thankfulness for this little life that God has put in mine. I love all my children so much and could not imagine my life with out them. I did nothing to deserve such a gift, only by Gods grace and sovereignty have I been so blessed.

I am so glad to have experienced birth and life one more time. It is all such a miracle.

We named little Max what we did because Max means "strong leader". One thing my husband and I want for this little baby, that will someday be a man, is for him to be a strong leader. At the same time though, we named him Isaiah because it means "God is my helper". While we want Max to be a strong leader, we never want him (or any of our children) to forget that God is their helper and that they can do nothing without his help.

37 weeks and counting

2008-06-10T15:10:00.000-07:00

It is too hot to be pregnant in Panama City Florida!! Clothes are too hot...makeup is too hot.....it is just stinkin' hot! If I am not in the house or in the pool I am hot. And even in the house it has to be when Bob is not home, because he isn't a fan of the air being set on 72!! But I'm hot!! This baby is heavy and I can hardly walk with out toppling over! I am though, still enjoying these last days of being pregnant. I am so glad to have been blessed with the opportunity one more time.

Doesn't it just figure!

2008-06-10T14:59:00.001-07:00

My sweet husband just had his Birthday last week. I never know what to do for him. He is so hard to shop for. He loves salsa, so I thought I had the best idea. He has always made his own salsa in my blender which he likes, but after eating other peoples homemade salsa he said a while back that he thought we needed a food processor so it could be chunkier. So, we got him a food processor for his birthday and the kids and I made him the cutest Salsa cookbook filled with a whole bunch of recipes for all different kinds of salsa I thought looked good. (He has never really used a recipe, just throws stuff in and sometimes he says he gets it good and sometimes not so much!)

Anyway, wouldn't it just figure that you can't find a fresh tomato in any store in town due to the recall!! Oh well, today I just broke down and bought him a couple cans of whole tomatoes. That was all I could find. I think we will try a corn salsa first, because I had 3 ears of corn left over from his Birthday steak dinner he requested.

Baby's Room

2008-06-10T14:37:00.000-07:00

So blessed

2008-06-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

It has been so long since I have written in my blog! I came to the realization today that to sit down and actually write a spiritual thought that makes any sense right now is just not a reality in this season of my life.

It takes every brain cell I have sometimes just to remember how to make a recipe for dinner that I have been making for years!! Not only that but I have been so busy now with school out, and before school got out I was busy getting things done before school got out! Like the babies room! I had so much fun decorating it, and I think that is what I will post today! Pictures of my babies room!

I love this season of life that I am in. I do not have to have a spiritual "revelation" every day to be growing in the Lord and so I decided that for now on I am just going to use this blog as a place to record the joys of being a mom and a wife. I think that is what God wants from me right now, to enjoy the blessed life He has given me, and thank Him everyday for it.

God's promise

2008-04-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

This last part of this week with my children was tough. Just when I was feeling inadequate and struggling to believe that I am raising my children to love God and each other, my friend called with this wonderful verse...

This is what the Lord says—he who made you, who formed you in the womb,
and who will help you: Do not be afraid, Deidra, my servant, whom I have chosen.
For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.
One will say, ‘I belong to the Lord’; another will call himself by the name of Jacob; still another will write on his hand, ‘ I am the Lord's,’ and will take the name Israel. Isaiah 44:3-5

It is so hard to stay motivated when you see little fruit in your children. I know my teaching is not real eloquent. I feel like I am talking to a wall sometimes when trying to convey truth to my children. It wasn't modeled to me and so it certainly does not come naturally, but I believe with all my heart that God chose me to be the start of a long lineage of followers of Christ. I believe that He intends to bless my children with His heritage as He has done for me.

I have been praying to hear more clearly from the Lord, and I believe that it was no accident that I meditated on Isaiah 44 all weekend. I believe it was a word of encouragement from the encourager Himself!

Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed. Isaiah 61:9

I may not always know the right verses to teach my children or the perfect words to say in just the right situations, I know I get frustrated and angry at times but I, like my children, am a work in progress. All I have to do right now is trust God and believe His promises. I know that one day when I look at my children and see them following God and teaching their own children to follow Him, it will not be because I knew what I was doing! It will be because God is the great Redeemer.
I really stink at this Godly parenting thing sometimes, but it is ok because 1 Corinthians says that God deliberately uses the weak nobodies like me to do His great works. God alone made it possible for me to be in Christ Jesus. He alone will make it possible for my Children as well. I will have nothing to boast about but Him.
As the Scriptures say, "The person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done." 1 Corinthians 1:31

Obstacle #5 Difficulty

2008-04-08T07:56:00.000-07:00

Bob is working in Tampa this week for a TDY and since it is Spring Break the kids and I decided to come with him. This entry comes on a day when I took 3 kids by myself to Busch Gardens!! Taking 3 kids to the lobby for breakfast was hard enough!! Making it through a day in an amusement park with thousands of other people was going to be a task!
Before we left I had to get my head on straight and realize that with God's help I could do this, and I did. I only lost the 2 big kids once for about 15 minutes. Brady fell on the concrete and got 2 bloody knees and a goose egg on his head, but over all I had a good attitude all day and we all had lots of fun.
The thing about difficulties is that while the enemy intends for it to slow us down an make us weak, God intends for it to strengthen us and make us stronger. I realized a while back that I was saying way too often " I just can't do it" or "I just can't do that" The truth is, I can do ANYthing through God who strengthens me. It is time to stop being a wimp and tap into God's power and not my own. Even if we think it is going to kill us (and sometimes I think parenting just might!)it's ok.......God is an expert in bringing life from death right?? Let's let Him show how good he is. When we accomplish that "impossible" task, wee will only be able to look back and know that God carried us through it! We bring Him no glory if we just sit there and say we can't do it!
Today I will be taking them all to the mall followed by Chuck E Cheese! Tomorrow I will drive us 6 hours home by myself. Bob has to stay until Monday. Pray for me that I will trust in God's power and not my own! :-)

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. Psalm 145:3-6

Obstacle #4 Conflict

2008-04-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

Being in conflict with others is another way we can stunt our growth and be kept from moving forward. I have to admit. I am stubborn and can find it very hard to not hold a grudge sometimes. Especially when I have been wronged!! I can do it with my own husband as easily as I can do it with a lady in the check out line. Keeping a check on my attitude toward others can be hard, but if I take my complaints to God He will often times help me to forgive, even if I have not been apologized to! That is really hard to do, but it brings us so much freedom and allows us to move on and quickly get our eyes back where they should be…looking forward and moving ahead.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Mathew 6:14

Obstacle #3 Looking Back

2008-04-05T07:47:00.000-07:00

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, Philippians 3:13

It is so easy to get distracted in our walk by our past. Whether it be good things in our past or bad. In order to grow in our faith we have to have our eyes looking forward and on Christ.

Those of us who lead a life of sin before being called by God to a new life can easily be entangled by looking back at our past. It can rob us of our confidence, our security, and our hope if we let it. In the past, I would struggle when around other Christians, because I did not want them to know my past. I would lie or hide things, because I thought that what was in my past made me less of a Christian. The truth though, is that my past sin brings God great glory now because my new life shows how truly amazing God’s grace really is. If He can pull a wretch like me out of a pit, He can pull anyone out. The enemy wants to use my past to bring guilt and condemnation to me, but God means for it to show His power and salvation. On occasion I will be plagued by a thought of my past that makes me sick to my stomach. Instead of giving into shame and discouragement I immediately have to rebuke it and praise God for His great salvation before the thought becomes a stumbling block for me.

Just as easily as I can become entangled by negative thoughts of my past, I can also be just as affected by good things in the past. Being in the military and moving so often, I always miss my friends at my previous base. I left New Mexico almost a year ago now, and I still miss my friends there so much. It is hard at times to keep my eyes on God’s plans for me here rather than looking back at how much I enjoyed my time there. I can do the same thing in my marriage or with my children. Who wouldn’t want to go back to those days when our husbands where ooog-a-lee eyed over us and lavished us with love notes and red roses. Do they love us less now than they did back then?? No, of course not. How they show it has changed, but I know that my husband’s love for me (and mine for him) has only grown and matured. I could look all day at sweet pictures of my children when they were little and wish they were so small again. Instead, I am to be thankful for who they are now, and how God has grown them and me, as they continue to move into new stages in their lives.

We may always remember our past, but we should use it to see how much we have grown and then look forward to how many more wonderful things God has for us ahead.

Obstacle # 2 Comparison

2008-04-03T19:01:00.000-07:00

Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” John 21:20-22

Looking to the right, looking to the left......another obstacle for me! Where should I be looking?? Straight ahead! At Christ and where He wants ME to be. What a stumbling block it is in our growth, when we compare ourselves to others. Yes, many friends and other Christian women can be of great influence to us. They can serve as wonderful Godly examples, but when it becomes a problem is when when we are looking so much at other people that we are missing what God has for us. We can do this in different ways.

We can stunt our growth from the insecurity that comes with thinking God has blessed someone else greater than us. I believe that a lot of times the enemy intentionally uses jealousy and comparison to distract us from from running with our eyes fixed on Christ. He can also use it in the very opposite sense. He can tempt us to be prideful in thinking that we love Christ more than others, or that we are closet to God than another fellow Christian. Either one is looking to the right or the left, and either one is destructive.
I can at times get frustrated or bitter because another person seems to have it easier than me. How does it make us feel when that other mother's baby is sleeping through the night and your baby is still up every 2 hours, or when your 4 year old is struggling to learn the alphabet when your neighbors child is reading already? I know I have been prone to comparing the behavior of my children quite often to others. I have even said to myself before....."I just wish her kids where like mine for one day so she could see how it is!!" I hate it when I walk through Walmart and see another mom with a child that sits so quietly in the cart and never makes a peep! My boys have SO much energy, and NEVER seem to slow down OR quiet down! The bottom line is, we can get so frustrated when others don't seem to have to go through the same struggles that we do, but what we we should be doing is keeping our eyes on our own cart. God has given each of us our own struggles, and every single one of them is to get use to stay close to Him. I know for a fact that my exhaustively active boys and my sassy 12 year old daughter, keep me on my knees every day.

Lord, help me to always keep my eyes on you and what you want for me. Let me press on through the enemies attempts to make me stumble by looking to the right or left and comparing myself to others.

Obstacle #1 Fear

2008-04-02T06:18:00.000-07:00

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

I have been writing this week on revelation and what I think can also be called God's Wisdom. We should always be seeking it and always listening to hear it.
From the time we are set apart as God's children until the time He calls us home, He is working in us and making us more and more like Him. Little by little and one revelation at a time, we should be constantly straining forward (v.14)

The word straining tells us that it will not always be easy. Yesterday I said that I wanted to write about 5 obstacles we have to "press on" through in order to reach that prize that Paul is talking about. Today I will look on #1 which so happens to be a huge struggle for me!!

1) Fear: Fear= unbelief When we are fearful, we are telling God that we do not believe He has the power to handle it. (what ever our IT might be)

Philippians 4:19 says God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus

God raises Jesus from the DEAD!! That is some kind of power! If he has that kind of power, why do I not believe that He has the power to meet what ever need I have.

Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 124:8

the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them—the Lord, who remains faithful forever. Psalm 146:6

There is not a day that I do not look at this big earth and this seeming endless ocean that I am so blessed to live by, that I do not awe in the creator of it all. I think that is partly why I love to travel so much. I will never forget the day my family hiked to the top of a mountain in the beautiful Island of Hawaii and looked down over the entire island. It was the most beautiful site I had ever seen. If you have ever see the Grand Canyon or the Smokey Mountains, you can relate to the "awe" I am talking about.
Romans 1:20 says For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities–his eternal power and divine nature–have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
Knowing God's great and divine power I don't have any excuse for not trusting Him. Fear is an obstacle I MUST "press on" through.

Responding to revelation

2008-04-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

I went in response to a revelation and set before them the gospel that I preach among the Gentiles. But I did this privately to those who seemed to be leaders, for fear that I was running or had run my race in vain. Galatians 2:2

Before I went to the Beth Moore Conference I said to a friend of mine "I am expecting a revelation this weekend." The night after I made that statement, I thought about it all evening. I asked myself..."am I really expecting a revelation??" Not just hoping for....wanting.....?? Finally I said to myself...No, I am expecting one.

Well, I about fell out my chair when one of the first things she said to us the first day was....."Girls, I sure hope you all came here expecting a revelation from the Lord!! Cuz, I believe each and everyone of you is gonna get one!"

Yes, I was expecting it, and yes, I got it!

The key word for me in Galatians2:2 is response. There is more to it than just receiving a revelation. We studied that this weekend. We came up with 3 steps in the process and I found this very interesting.
1~ the revelation it self: recognizing that Jesus is up to something new. Sometimes I feel the
need for a new revelation and pray for it, other times he has to hit me over the head to
get me to realize that it is time for some change.
2~ comprehension: grasping what it is that God wants to do; understanding it and realizing that
you want (or need) the change
3~ Apprehension: (Here is the one I think I tend to struggle with!) This is the response to the
revelation; grasping it and putting it into action!

That last one is truly the hard part for me. Sometimes I can keep going in circles in one same area. For example I have for a while known that God wants be to work more at having joy in all circumstances. He has been trying to point out to me my tendencies to think negatively and prompting me to make a change in my daily attitude with my husband and my children. I can do really well, but then when it gets to hard, or I let in one negative thought I end up spiralling back into my old ways and before I know it I am back to where I started.

I think #3 is the area that God really wants me to work on. I know the areas of my walk that he wants to make change, I just need to press harder to achieve it and not let my feelings or other obstacles get in my way. Making changes in any area of our lives can be hard. We learned this weekend about some of the obstacles that can keep us from getting there. I hope to have the time the rest of this week to put all my thoughts together on the 5 that we came up with.

It is so good and I can't wait, but for now Brayden and I are heading out to Pump it Up to get out of the house on this rainy day!! That is another "revelation" I am trying to put into action......The house is a disaster and I am behind on so many things, but my time with the kids should never be sacrificed! What a struggle that is for me. Especially today when there are piles of laundry in the living room and dirty dished in the sink.
They will still be here when we get back right??

Fresh Highlights

2008-03-31T09:34:00.000-07:00

I have to say, I am a girl that loves to get some fresh highlights in my hair. There is nothing better than the first 3 weeks after a great highlight. it is just one of those little indulgences I love and splurge on. The sad part about it is, that they don't last for ever. As I get older, I find that i have to go more and more often. After about 8 weeks or so I feel a little dull and need a little pick me up again! So, I call up my hair dresser and make an appointment to feel fresh and new again!

That is how I feel in my walk sometimes. There is nothing better than a fresh revelation from God. I pray for them often, and before I went to the Beth Moore Conference I said to a friend of mine "I am expecting a revelation this weekend." The night after I made that statement, I thought about it all evening. I asked myself..."am I really expecting a revelation??" Not just hoping for....wanting.....?? Finally I said to myself...YES, I am expecting one.

Well, I about fell out my chair when one of the first things she said to us the first day was....."Girls, I sure hope you all came here expecting a revelation from the Lord!! Cuz, I believe each and everyone of you is gonna get one!"

The Greek transliteration for revelation is the word "apokalypsis" meaning: a disclosure of truth, instruction. Some other descriptions I found were "uncovered" "revealed"
Thayer's Lexicon said: ~especially relating to the Christian Salvation-given to the soul by God Himself or through the operation of the Holy Spirit.

Fresh direction always comes from a revelation, and I knew that I needed some fresh direction in my life. I was feeling a little stagnant and needed to know what God wanted me to pursue next.
In our Christian life it is so important to keep moving forward. We need to keep seeking fresh direction and revelation from God.
I love the story in Exodus 34 of when Moses went up on the mountain and saw the Glory of God. When he came down the skin on his face shined, because He had heard from the Lord. Aaron and all the sons of Israel saw it, and knew that Moses had new revelation from God. He shined so bright he would wear a veil over his face, until it wore off and he went to hear from the Lord again.

When we receive fresh revelation from the Lord people notice because we shine! We are filled with a new joy and a bounce in our step. I always love it when I come home from getting a highlight at the salon and my husbands eyes light up. He always gives me sweet little "hot-mama" complements and I know he can see a fresh bounce in my step that he likes and finds attractive.

Just like it isn't long before I need new highlights to freshen up my hair, I need fresh revelations from God to keep my walk fresh and heading in the right direction.

I just love words and their meaning, so here is one more for today......Shine ~verb: 1: to emit rays of light 2: to be bright by reflection of light 3 a: to be eminent, conspicuous, or distinguished 4: to have a bright glowing appearance ;to make bright by polishing

I'm Back!!

2008-03-30T05:22:00.000-07:00

..but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

I know it has been several weeks since I have had time to sit down and journal, I have had out of town company and just not a minute to get on the computer. Let me tell you though, I just got back from a trip to Jacksonville, Florida to see Beth Moore and the Living Proof Ministry, and it was so incredible. I will have weeks and weeks of things to share with you, if the Lord will allow me the time to sit down and type it all!!
Before I went I prayed for and EXPECTED a revival in my heart, and let me tell you the Lord answered! He has renewed my strength and refreshed my soul in ways that I will never be the same.
Just looking at the picture you can get a glimpse of what the weekend was like. (I got it from Beth's Blog....this was not my seat thank goodness!) Yes, very crowded , and a little stressful when it came to bathroom time! (luckily I have this cute little belly that got me preferential treatment all weekend when it came to a need for a bathroom stall!! Ha!) But, let me tell you 14,700 woman praising God in the Spirit, the only thing I could think of was WOW!! If this is even a micro-glimpse of what heaven will be like, I can't wait. The voices were so beautiful and the music so powerful that it was like thousands of angels singing praises to the Lord. I wish I could have recorded those 14,700 voices singing Amazing Grace acappella. It was the most beautiful thing I have EVER heard.
I got up bright and early this morning ready to live out the revelations God gave to me this weekend. I wish I had more time here on my back porch to tell you all about it, but I have to get my kids ready for church! They and their dad had a fun weekend together. Yesterday they took the jet skis out to Shell island and watched the air show that was on base this weekend. They showed me pictures, and I can tell they had so much fun. I think my man was wore out though! I am praying this morning that God will meet him out on the Golf course. I know that he will! :-)

Busy Busy Busy

2008-03-07T05:45:00.000-08:00

This week and last have been one of the busiest in a long time. We have several projects going on all around the house, and our kids have had one activity after another. The boys both have baseball, Tori has youth group activities, we have had 2 big school projects due this week, I have had baby showers and Bible studies, we have company coming in a week and a guest room that is in shambles..........the list could go on and on.
I have struggled each day to get up and do what I know I should do first. As soon as my slipper feet walk in the kitchen to turn on the coffee maker I start thinking in my head what I have to tackle today. "..I need to practice Zack's spelling words with him....oh no, I forgot Tori wanted me to proof read her book report last night......ah! I forgot to make Bob lunch for today......" I haven't even turned the kitchen light on and my head already feels like it is going to explode. Then this verse came to me......
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Mathew 11:28-39

I need write this out and put it right by my coffee maker where I can see it each morning as a reminder of where I need to be first thing each day.

Shine

2008-03-03T09:01:00.000-08:00

So that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe Philippians 2:15

When I left my wonderful group of friends in NM they gave a wall hanging with this verse on it. I hung it on the wall by the door that leads to the garage, so that I can see it every time I go out somewhere. It is great for my kids too. My hope is that as they leave the house they will be reminded of how we are to shine out in the world filled with darkness.

Those of us in the military all have places we would like to go or hope to get assignments to. We don't always get the places we really want, but I have learned that no matter where I go, what I really want is to be where God wants me to be. I never want to go anywhere with out the Lord's presence.

Today I read this passage in Exodus 33:16 How will anyone know that you distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?” The answer to Moses' question is God's presence. It is what sets us apart. We have to be in His Word and in our quiet times so that we can be filled with His Holy Spirit everywhere we go each day. If we re not filled with the Holy Spirit, the only thing that sets us apart from the others is that we have to get up early on Sunday and give up one of the only 2 days in the weekend!!

In my situation, God has not chosen to put me in a place where there are already a whole lot of other lights. That is a new thing for me. I guess that means that if I don't have all the other lights to shine with me like I am used to, I better just shine brighter!

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Isaiah 60:1-2

Blooming where I am planted

2008-03-02T05:47:00.000-08:00

Here I sit another beautiful Sunday morning on my back porch with the sun beaming. I couldn't think of a better way to start the Lords day.

The Lord has planted me in a new and foreign place in my life that I have not been before. It has stretched me and grown me as I am learning to rely more and more on God for my direction and comfort. I feel very alone right now in my walk with the Lord. It isn't really a bad thing, but it is just different.

I don't have anyone in my family that is Christian. I love my parents and my siblings dearly, but NONE of them are believers. Neither is my Grandmother or any of my other immediate family.

I love my husband very much, but I have to admit he is not really interested in my passion for the Lord either. My pride makes that really hard for me to admit, because often times I like to dream or maybe even "pretend" that I live this perfect Christian life with a perfect husband that loves the Lord as much as I do. That is what everyone around me has, and as much as I long for it, today I (with a lump in my throat) admit that it just isn't true. I am lucky if my husband goes to church with us once every month or 2. He has a passion for golf, but not for the Lord. He has 2 days off on the weekend, but I I usually spend a good part of it alone with 3 kids. I am not venting or trying to make him look bad, I am just pushing myself to admit something that my pride has tried to get me to simply ignore or hide.

The the church we attend isn't really what I would like it to be either. It is very different than what I am used to. It is a wonderful church, but while the people seem very "religious", I have struggled to find many people there that are as passionate and serious about their walk with the Lord as I am. I find myself just waiting there in limbo until the Lord leads me somewhere else. Church shopping by yourself with 3 kids is really not much fun. The kids love it there, and I know that they are learning about God's word. I try to be as involved as much as I can hoping to bring a passion for the Lord to someone maybe in the Bible study I lead or somewhere else. I have seen little glimmers of hope, especially this past week in class. Maybe that is why the Lord has kept me there. I don't know.

This is the first base we have lived where I have not had a really close group of friends that are on fire for God. I have really close girlfriends elsewhere that I keep in touch with regularly, but even they seem distant right now as they have things going on in their own lives that keep them just as busy as I am.

So here I am, trying to raise 3 kids to love the Lord with all their hearts. Seems like an impossible task to do on my own, but with that being said I again think about my entry last Sunday. ".......Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the father. What else really matters right??"

I am not sure why the Lord has me where I am right now, but I trust Him and know that He has a plan. In the beginning of my entry I wrote that I feel alone in my walk with the Lord, but I just realized that is not really true. It is just me and my God. Maybe He has eliminated other distractions for now, so I can focus only on Him. I am excited to see what He has planned.

In my devotion this morning I ironically read this.....the contentment that the world offers is fleeting and incomplete. Thankfully, the fulfillment that God offers is all encompassing and everlasting. This made me think of one of the very first Bible verses I think I ever heard as a little girl.....The Lord is my Shepard I shall not want.

Being Cheerful

2008-02-27T07:16:00.000-08:00

All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast. Proverbs 15:15

Last night I hardly slept at all. I was woken up twice, once by each of my boys, and then after over an hour of trying to get back to sleep I woke up with a terrible leg crap that would not go away. I would probably be pushing it if I guessed that maybe I got 3-4 hours of sleep. When I am pregnant, for some reason, my body only chooses to sleep in spurts all through the night. I know this is common, but it can really wear me down after a while.

I have been convicted lately of not letting my circumstances effect my ability to show joy and gladness. I woke up this morning thinking about my entry this past Sunday when I woke up to a bright and sunny morning and "felt" like rejoicing and being cheerful. The true test is when it is a dark rainy day like today and I am extremely tired and don't really "feel" cheerful. Can I can still give God the praise and honor that he deserves? Can I still give my family the gift of a cheerful mother and a happy wife? This morning I had to practice something I tell my kids all the time....A cheerful look brings joy to the heart..... proverbs 15:30

Try it! It really works. It is impossible to be grumpy or angry when there is a smile on your face. Even if it is fake one at first, I can feel my attitude gradually change when I chose a joyful look.

I read this quote this morning from Marie Freeman..."God is good, and heaven is forever. And if this does not cheer you up, nothing will!"

It reminded me of my blog on Sunday ".......Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the father. What else really matters right??"
But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful. Psalm 68:3

learning what I teach

2008-02-26T06:29:00.000-08:00

If you where to ask me what I struggle to teach my kids more than anything else, I would with out a doubt say obedience. Having said this, I have to confess that this has only brought me to a constant realization that I struggle so very much with the same issue myself.

And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. 2John 1:6
This verse made me think today..... The way that I show God that I truly love him is by obedience to Him. I think He tests me on this quite often. I am sad to say that I often fail.

This morning I have to confess that I was disrespectful to my husband. Something made me so mad and although I knew that I should not approach him about it, I let me flesh lead me and did exactly what I felt God telling me NOT to do.
you are to obey his commands instead of following your own desires and going your own ways, as you are prone to do. Num. 15:39

Now I have spent the whole morning feeling bad about my choice, and wishing I had just obeyed. Which brings me to another little thing I have been teaching Brayden......Obeying makes us happy, disobeying makes us sad. It felt good at the moment to tell my husband how I really felt and get it off my chest, but it only lasted for a moment. Now it feels "sad" and I wish I had chosen the better.

This is my prayer for today.....
Lord I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. Today I am ever grateful for your forgiveness and the the truth that if I confess my sins, you are faithful and just and will forgive my sins and purify me from all my unrighteousness. Amen

the glory of the morning

2008-02-24T05:34:00.000-08:00

at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:10-11

This morning I woke up to the most beautiful bright sunshine beaming into my bedroom. It was so wonderful that it prompted me to get my Bible, a cup of coffee, and head out to my back porch before touching anything in the house. We moved our boys in together yesterday, and I think the idea of being with each other has some how made them comfortable enough to sleep in a little longer today, or maybe it could be the fact that they were up giggling and playing until 11:00 last night!! Either way, I am enjoying it!!

As I came out here on the porch and just soaked up the beauty of the morning, I tried to think of a verse to sum it up, and as I started to read Philippians, I came across 2:10-11 and realized that it just says it all. Jesus Christ is the Lord! He is the glory of the Father. Nothing else really matters. If this morning is so bright and splendid that I can hardly see the screen of my lap top (I better proof read this typing when I get back inside!) how much more breath taking will it be when I stand before the Lord one day!!
I need to wake up to more days like this....not confessing that the dish washer needs emptied, the living room is a mess and the washer and dryer both are full with 2 other loads waiting to go in, not that I have 3 kids and myself to get ready for church this a.m., but just opening my eyes to the morning saying.......Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the father. What else really matters right??

The way up is down

2008-02-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

I have been preparing this morning for a new women's Bible study that I will start tonight at my church. As expected, this has brought with it feelings of inadequacy on my part. As I prayed about it this morning, I realized that God has me to feel these feelings for a reason. Not because I am inadequate, but because God wants me to remember where my strength comes from. I am no more than an insecure scaredy cat! My wisdom and strength comes only from God.

As I read this morning in Philippians I focused a lot on the topic of humility. My daughter is really struggling right now with obedience and submission to our authority. I thought this would be a great lesson for her as well, and prayed that God would help me to present it to her in a way that she will receive. Philippians 2:8-9 gives us Christ’s example to us of humility.

And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself and became obedient to death–
even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, Philippians 4:8-9

On a human level Jesus’ humility really didn’t get Him very far…..it resulted in death, but on a divine level the result was astounding……He was highly exalted and given a name above all names. This shows me that humility may not seem like anything in this world, in fact it appears in earthly form as a weakness, but in heaven it brings great reward.

Dying to self is so hard. I am thankful for Christ’s example of complete selflessness and sacrifice for others. This will also help me so much as I prepare to share my desire for God’s Word with other women.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. Philippians 4:3-7

I will no longer feel bad about my feelings of inadequacy. I am thankful for them, as they remind me that I am humble servant of God. I truly can do nothing with out His help.

God's Peace

2008-02-12T07:49:00.000-08:00

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

This weekend and yesterday I have been extremely busy for me. I have several projects around the house that I have started and been unable to complete, my husband has painting and other "house" projects that I have had to help with, I start leading a new Bible study at church tomorrow night that I am completely unprepared for, my house is completely in shambles, and I feel like I am in over my head. I have to admit, that I have had no time in the word, and limited time in prayer over the past week. As you can imagine, this has brought me no where but to a place of anxiety and lack of peace.

Yesterday I spiraled into a full blown anxiety attack about something completely unrelated to anything on my to-do list. It had to do with a fear that came over me, and it was so bad that I got physically sick over it. I even had a moment when I doubted and questioned my faith. That situation taught me how quickly I can fall away from God and my faith ad trust that He is in control of all things.

Today reading Philippians 4 I realized 2 things. One I have not been rejoicing in all things and two I have not been praying and presenting my needs to the Lord. Thus, resulting in my lack of God's peace which is the only way to guard my heart and mind. When I become anxious or overwhelmed in my circumstances, I am not trusting God.

Today I read this sharp quote that cut me deep........"Anxiety or lack of trust is a species of "unconscious blasphemy" against God"

Wow! I think I better get my act together. This morning, against the will of my flesh, I went into a long time of prayer and was amazed at how quickly that brought me back to where I need to be......... rejoicing in the Lord and protected by His peace which will stand guard against the anxieties that want to attack my heart and mind.

Cast your burdens

2008-02-06T06:24:00.000-08:00

Cast your burdens upon the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous to be shaken. Psalm 55:22

Sometimes I can get so frustrated with how early my day starts, and how little time I get to spend in the Word before my busy morning hits full speed. Today I only had time to read this one little verse, and it spoke multitudes to me. When I first read it I said..."Lord, then why do I always feel shaken?" The answer was so obvious. The verse it self gives me my answer......because I do not cast my burdens on the Lord!!
Why do I do this?? Why do I let myself get so bent out of shape about things my kids do or things that are not going the way I would like them to? I choose to take it on myself rather than praying and casting it upon the Lord.

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:2

Hmmmm...looks like I really have no excuse to be "shaken", except that I am not letting the Lord do His job.

Thinking right thoughts

2008-02-05T06:52:00.000-08:00

whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8

A few weeks ago the Lord convicted me of a bad habit I have of thinking negative thoughts. These thoughts can be negative about a person, a situation, what ever. I know that speaking negatively is a bad thing, but I had never really thought about the things that I don't say but think in my mind.
When I am doing dishes or drying my hair, I will often times just think about "stuff". The other day on the way back from talking with a neighbor I found myself "thinking" a something about her in my head. Lately I have started to ask my self if what I am thinking falls under one of the characteristics above. When I started actually paying attention to this habit, I was shocked at how often my thoughts are negative and do not follow the Philippians 4:8 way of thinking!!

This type of thinking can really harm my relationships with people, and add to my fears and anxieties. Luke 6:45 says: The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. (or in my case..his mind thinks!)

Today in my devotional book I read this little quote from Barbara Johnson...."You must learn to resist negative thoughts before they hijack your emotions." Oh how often my negative thoughts hijack my emotions! Sometimes it can be negative thinking that can make me bitter or irritated with the people I love (especially my husband!) or it can be negative thoughts that lead me into a spiral of fear and anxiety.

So glad God brought this to my attention, now I just need prayer to help me keep it in check.

Meditating on God's word day and night

2008-01-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

With a fresh new year, I have been re motivated to get back into a better discipline of reading my Bible ever single day. I want to persevere this year and not slack off. I will need God's help in that area. Especially if I do this in addition to my Bible study class which requires a good bit of homework. In years past I have chosen a reading plan that reads straight through form Genesis to Revelation, but this year I am trying a new plan where I read from a different part of the Bible each day alternating between the the law and books of history, the Psalms and poetry books, prophesy, the gospels, ect.
Today my reading was definitely motivation to keep up on my plan. I read in Joshua and came across this verse...Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Joshua 1:8 This is a commandment about staying in God's word, followed by the reward that will come from being obedient. I know I long to be prosperous and successful, this verse tells me how to do it!
Then, I moved on to Psalms ( I am a little behind, so I had to cover 2 readings today) and came across this verse: Blessed is the man......(who)delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Psalm 1:1-4

I am in awe at how God taught me the same thing in two different verses today. I will write these in my journal as a reminder of why it is so important for me to make God's word a priority this year, and the blessing that will come from being obedient.

Believe and not doubt

2008-01-10T14:21:00.000-08:00

But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:6

This is the very next verse after the one I wrote about yesterday. I pondered on this verse and realized that is exactly how I feel when I ask for God's wisdom during a situation like the one I wrote about yesterday......like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind..
I feel as if I ask for God to help me, and then as I wait, my mind goes in a million different directions and I end up with nothing. I meditate on this all afternoon and prayed that God would show me why I do this. Last night it came to me.
While I am asking God for wisdom, my mind is going off and trying to figure it out myself. I start thinking about what so and so would do or how I think my other friend might handle this....have I read anything that tells me what to do in this situation?? Maybe I should as the pediatrician??? Call my mom???
All this after I just asked God for His wisdom. No wonder I can't hear Him. I have to learn to block out all the other outside influences, and believe and not doubt that He himself will give me an answer. I have to stop worry about what others will think or what they would do, and seek God and how he would want me to handle it.

Last night as we sat down for dinner I poured out Zack's medicine and handed it to him. I said I wanted him to drink it before dinner so we did not have to fight over it after eating. He took the cup from me and said...."ok, what can I drink after it?" I said "how about your milk?" He said..."no, some water." He poured a glass of water, drank down the medicine followed by his water and then sat down at the table to eat! My mouth dropped to the floor and I didn't know what to think!
Thinking about it later, I realized that God did not give me wisdom the form of a technique or a tactic to get him to take the medicine, but instead He gave me wisdom as to how great He is and sometimes He can just do it for me and I don't have to do a thing!

Lacking Wisdom

2008-01-09T08:14:00.000-08:00

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

I have been needing wisdom in so many areas of my parenting lately. Most of my frustrations come from not knowing the right way to handle certain situations. Some as simple as how to get my 7 year old to take his new medicine each night at dinner. I sit there each night and try all different tactics, none working.....I then think to myself...."ok Lord, I need wisdom....what do I do next?" After an hour of struggling, he finally took it, but only after much crying and frustration among all of us. I still don't feel like I received wisdom.
I guess because I feel like if I had done it the right way it wouldn't have taken so long or been such an ugly drawn out situation. I also feel like if I had received God's wisdom I would feel confident in how I will handle the situation again tonight. Guess I will keep praying about it today.

I have a long list of situations with my kids similar to this one that I think I lack wisdom....maybe I should write them all out so I can pray on them daily.

New Year New growth

2008-01-08T07:29:00.000-08:00

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

When you're a mom is it possible to ever have a day without trials of many kinds? It doesn't seems so in my household. It has been a crazy season around here, and some days I find it hard to keep up. As I meditated on this verse today I realized that all the struggles I face each day are always growing my faith and drawing me closer to God. Oh how I long to be mature and complete, lacking nothing. I know that will take time....and lots of trials, but I look forward to this new year and seeing how God will test and grow my faith. Drawing me closer and closer to lacking nothing. One hour, one day, one week, one month, one year at a time!

What am I REALLY thankful for?

2007-11-22T18:59:00.000-08:00

With Thanksgiving approaching we have spent a lot of time around our house talking about all that we are thankful for. Psalm 69:30 says I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving. When I looked up the transliteration of thanksgiving in this verse it was: towdah- give praise to God. What a wonderful way of defining Thanksgiving....a day to give praise to God!

Earlier this week I started reading the book of Job. It ended up being perfect timing with the subject of thankfulness. I have been meditating on the first 2 chapters over the last few days. In these Chapters God allows Job to loose basically all that he has including his health. Job does nothing but continue to give God praise. In Job 1:21 he says The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” It has made me think.... Do I love God because of all that He has done for me, or do I just love Him because He is God? Would I still love Him if he took away every single thing I have?

God found this out from Job by allowing Satan to test him, I am thankful this week that God has simply asked me this question and allowed me to ponder on it. I have realized that I have a lot to change in my way of thinking. I do love God for all that He has blessed me with, but I also need to be in the right mindset and ready to praise Him even if he were to take it all away.

In Job 2:10 Job says.. "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said. My favorite part of this verse is where it says...Job did not sin in what he said. Job could have gotten angry and cursed God for what had happened to him, but he did not. Makes me think about the times in my life when things don't go my way and I grumble and complain to others.

Lord please help me to work on not sinning in the words that I say. May I always praise you no matter what situation I am in.

Thankfulness

2007-11-21T07:54:00.000-08:00

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name. Psalm 100:4

With Thanksgiving only days away I can say that I am so very thankful for the God that provides me with every good thing I have. Sometimes I can be so quick to complain about what I don't have. The best way to combat this is to catch myself doing it and immediately change my complaint into a praise. My house might not be as clean as I would like it to be, but Lord am I ever so thankful for the sweet little children that mess it up so quickly. I may be sad when my husband has to work 12 hour shifts and I feel like I hardly ever get to see him, but Lord how thankful I am that I have him and that he is with us this Thanksgiving rather than on the other side of the world as he was just last year this time.

I pray today Lord that every time I start to complain, you will quickly remind me that I so much to be thankful for. If you never gave me another thing for the rest of my life, you have already given me more than I could ever even deserve!

The Great Almighty

2007-11-20T08:21:00.001-08:00

I have always had a dream of having 4 children. When my husband and I first got married, we talked all the time about the 4 children we would have. We tried for that 4th one on a couple of occasions, but with two 6 month deployments in 3 years, it never seemed to happen. Just when I thought we would start trying again my husband expressed to me that he was really content with 3 and no longer had the desire for a fourth. It was heart breaking for me, but I reluctantly submitted to my husband, and started praying for God to take that burning desire away from me. It was a long road, but eventually I came to terms with it and accepted that I could be happy for the 3 beautiful children I had and give up that longing for a fourth.

It wasn't too long after I arrived at this place, that miraculously one day about a year and a half ago I became pregnant while on birth control. I was convinced that this was a miracle from God and couldn't give him enough praises. My vision of 4 children was going to come true, and surprisingly Bob was actually became very excited about it too. I couldn't contain my overwhelming joy of this miracle God had done. For weeks I just sang Him praises and told everyone my amazing story. I was just convinced with out a doubt that God had given us this baby as a gift. I also knew deep within me that a fourth child was a promise He made me a long time go, and I knew for certain He had fulfilled it.

All my joy and certainty came to screeching halt on April 11th 2006 when I went to my first OB appointment. I was 9 weeks along and they could not find a heart beat. They sent me over to the ultra sound room and as I waited I could have sworn that for the first time in my whole life I heard God's real audible voice say "everything will be fine" Well, minutes later I was shocked and devastated when the ultra sound technician told me that there in fact was no heart beat. I miscarried 5 days later.

Although it was a terribly difficult time for me where I questioned my faith and my trust in God, in the end I learned so much. Instead of loosing my faith (which I am certain was Satan's plan) my faith was strengthened a million fold. I would never give back that sad experience in exchange for all that it taught me.

I tell this story now because just a few weeks ago my husband and I found out again that we are expecting our 4th child. This time a different situation, but still another unbelievable miracle.
Although I can't say that I have not spent weeks now fighting of fear and anxiety over this turning out the same as last time, I can say that God has continued to teach me and grow me just as much as last time.

Yesterday was my first doctors appointment. As I laid there again waiting for my ultra sound I remembered that day God said aloud to me "everything will be fine" Looking back now I can see that everything was fine. This time I said aloud..."Lord, if it is good I will praise you, if it is bad I will praise you!" Moments later we saw the sweetest sight you ever did see.....a 7 week fetus with a little flashing heart beat! As I called several people to tell them our good news, I quickly realized that although others were excited for us, no one could even coming close to understanding the magnitude of this day for me, but it was ok. This is between myself and my God, whom today (and everyday) in my eyes is the Great All Mighty!!

more on my fear

2007-11-06T08:59:00.000-08:00

I have been praying and pondering more on my entry yesterday about fear. I started thinking even deeper now into what is the root of my lack of faith in God's promise to do towards me good and not harm. The Lord gave me this verse:

this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, O Deidra, he who formed you, O Deidra:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
Isaiah 43:1-3

I think I discovered today that the reason I do not believe the truth that God's plans for me are good, is that I do not believe that I deserve the good. Deep downs inside I know that my sin and my past deserve harm not the good. But this verse says Fear not, for I have redeemed you

I am redeemed! He is my Savior. Why would he save me only to bring me harm?? If he wanted me to experience harm he would have left me in that pit of sin and destruction I was in when He saved me. I guess I need to pray about this and ask God to help me to believe His truths.

Fearing

2007-11-05T10:44:00.000-08:00

I am struggling terribly this week with fear. I wish I could just defeat this thing once and for all. I believe that I probably never will though, because it is one thing that keeps me constantly crying out to God. I could probably come close to finding for you every major verse in the Bible pertaining to fear. I know many of them by heart, but somewhere there is a missing link that keeps me from defeating it all together. I wish I could figure it out. I know that God is in control. Maybe that in it self is what I fear. Maybe deep down inside I believe that if in total control He will hurt me.
What a lie that is. A lie that I just realized as I was writing this that I have been believing. What does God's word say??
I think today I might have discovered the root of my fear. I think it might be the lack of faith in this truth:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Fruit

2007-11-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

I have on occasion heard people say...."You can know if a mother is Godly and worth looking toward for advice by the fruit she produces (her children)."

I thought about that the other day and decided that I do not necessarily agree with that. God says that fruit will be produced in His time. The behavior and sinful nature of my children at this point in their lives should be no representation of God's glory or the fruit that he will bring forth in them when the time is right. I feel like I have been discouraged by this statement and for a time have felt like I must not be doing a good job because my children do not seem to be producing the fruit they should be.

Galatians 6:9 says let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. I read over and over those words in due season. Our culture today tells us NOW we do not want to wait for anything. That is why we have instant dinners and 5 minute guarantees. But we are not of the world and we should not expect to have it all now. We have to hang in there and not grow faint. We can look at the seasons in light of a grower.....Spring- we water and feed Summer- we wait Fall- we Harvest and watch it all bloom.

I am not yet to the Harvest. In parenting, I am still in the water/feed stage and in some instances waiting. I know that I will eventually see the Harvest, and God promises it to be bountiful. I have to believe that and anticipate it. Think about when we plant a seed in the ground. Do we sit there and watch it until we see it sprout and get frustrated all the days that we see nothing??? NO, we keep watering it and trust that one day we will wake up and surprise, something is going to peep out of that soil!! We have to just keep watering and feeding! We never know when that thing is going to come out of the ground. What a peace that gives me today.

Peace

2007-11-02T12:38:00.001-07:00

I have had such a peace in my Parenting efforts over the past few weeks. It has been so nice compared to the overwhelmed and frustrated spirit I seemed to be filled with for a while. I attribute part of that to the fact that I am feeling better, but I also think the Lord led me to start making some changes to the way I was operating.

For a while I was getting so overwhelmed with all the things I wasn't doing or felt like I needed to do in order to make sure my kids came out to know and love the Lord. I as feeling like there was so much to teach them and so much I needed to learn in order to do it right. I was looking at other parents and other children. Getting terribly discouraged when my children made bad choices or didn't seem to be "getting" any of the things I wanted to instill in them. The bottom line is I was "doing" too much. Today another friends blog made me think of this verse: Psalm 46:10 Be still (stop trying to do it our selves!!), and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth

If He says He will be exalted among the nations and the whole earth, then why would He not be exalted in my children! Of course He will!! I can cease my striving and let Him work! What a peace that brings!

What I am focusing on more now is working on my own righteousness before the Lord, and I know from that, teaching my children and bringing them up in the ways of the Lord will come naturally...it already has!

Thankful for those who hold me up

2007-10-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

Today God put on my heart a strong sense of gratitude for all the friends I have in my life. Being in the military I have lived in 5 different states in 8 years. All along making more friends than one could ever even ask for. I know and love so many people it is just hard to even believe sometimes. It is nearly impossible to keep in touch with all of them, but I still hold each and every one of them dear to my heart, and often remember the impact they made on my life during the season of my life that God placed them in. They are such a gift from God.

In Exodus 17:8-16 Joshua is fighting the Amalekites. Moses tells Joshua that he will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands. Verse 11 says that as long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. Joshua could not defeat his enemy on his own, and Moses could not do it for him either. But what Moses did do was stand on that mountain for his friend and hold his hands up for God's strength. If you read even further, verse 12 tells us that when Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.

Talk about support from your friends when you are in the midst of a battle!! I don't think I could have found a better example! Through this group of men relying on one another for strength, God brought victory! God empowered them to work together and defeat the Amalikites.

I had my sweet friend call me the other night when she needed to be lifted up in prayer. We both felt empowered after taking the time to pray together. Anther friend e-mailed me yesterday filling me in on some of the struggles she and her family are facing right now. I felt compassion for her as I know I am struggling with some of the same issues, and we agreed to lift one another up in prayer.

The people in my life that I feel the closest to are those who have humbled them selves enough to share their struggles with me and I have felt welcome to lay my burdens on them at times. What a privilege it is to experience spiritual victory with a friend. I am sure God delights in our commitment to hold one another up in His strength. What a mistake it is when we let pride stand in the way of allowing others to share in our personal battles. When we do not ask for support, we cheat ourselves and others from being able to experience the joy of victory in the end.

Here is one of my favorite verses:
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

The consiquences of prayerlessness

2007-10-23T13:32:00.000-07:00

If I try to think of anything in my life that comes in the way of drawing closer to the Lord, two things come to my mind right away. One is lack of prayer and the other its scripture memory. I have been convicted of both and haven't made much effort to do anything about it. Today I am focusing on the prayer part.

I am doing the Beth Moore Bible study right now at church. We are digging deep into the details of the Old Testament tabernacle, and right now we are studying the altar of incense and it's relation to prayer. This morning Beth gave 4 scriptures about prayer. They were:
1) Isaiah 50:4-5 2) Mark 14:38 3) Philippians 4:6-7 4) James 4:2

From these 4 scriptures I observed the following about prayer. (numbered by the verse)
1) Prayer is me obediently listening to the Lord and what He has to say to me
2) Prayer keeps me from temptation, and ultimately sin
3) It keeps me from worry and fear (more sin!)
4) It provides all that I need...what I lack is because I have failed to pray for it

My lack of prayer is such a disregard for the ultimate reason Jesus gave his life for me. His whole purpose for living is so I can commune with God. I am not righteous enough as I am, and Jesus stands in for me, placing me in a right relationship with God.

Therefore He is able, once and forever, to save everyone who comes to God through Him. He lives forever to plead with God on their behalf. Hebrews 7:25

working towards......mature and complete, not lacking anything

2007-10-22T09:39:00.000-07:00

I read my last entry and couldn't believe it has been over a month since I last wrote. I have had a lot going on in my life, and chose to take a much needed break from a few things. I have missed keeping track of all that God is teaching me. But, don't be mistaken, although I have not been able to write it all, the Lord has taught me more in the last month than he probably has in quite a while. I have had health issues, family issues, neighbor problems, children struggles and more! God has gotten me through it all. I thankfully am feeling better, and looking forward to writing about some of what God is teaching me everyday. Learning is a daily thing for me. I wake up everyday wondering what God teach me today. I use this Blog as a way to bring it all together and keep track of my growth and maturity as God brings me closer and closer to His righteousness everyday.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

still standing

2007-09-16T18:34:00.000-07:00

I am in a time in my life where I feel like darts are being thrown at me from every which direction. I finally today realized that God won't stop them, because he is calling me to a total surrender. A total surrender of what I want and how I want my life to be. He is calling me to focus on him and only him and instead of surrendering I have been wearing myself out trying to dodge the darts. This morning I got flat on my face on my bedroom floor and asked the Lord to take it all. Something I wish I would do more often. It brought such peace to my day. I realized this morning that the only way to stay standing is to get flat on your face first!! After I did this I was able to stand back up in God's strength and not my own.

Standing until He shows me what to do

2007-09-14T22:08:00.000-07:00

This sums up how I feel in my parenting of a pre-teen today! It is a road that I have not yet traveled, and I feel so lost and weak in my efforts.

Sometimes you have done everything you know to do. You abide in Christ and long for His presence. You entrust everything and everybody and keep entrusting day after day. You are faithful to become and change and to seek wisdom and growth. You pray. So all that is left, after you have done everything, is to stand. Maybe you can’t take one more step. Just stand. Maybe you’re tired of the wait. Keep standing. Maybe it seems it will never be your turn. Stand.Maybe today you don’t know what else to do. You are tired and can’t go forward. You have considered just getting out of line and abandoning the wait. Can I ask you to do something? If you are able in this moment, stand up. Physically stand up and pray:God, I cannot see You. I have no idea what to do next. But as an act of my complete trust, I will stand and keep standing until You show me what to do. Amen.
[When Wallflowers Dance: Becoming a Woman of Righteous Confidence by Angela Thomas]

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

early morning blessings

2007-09-13T05:24:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 4:15 a.m this morning to a little boy who had wet the bed! (he had a slushy after Tori's game last night! not a good idea!) I was so tired but was amazingly filled with joy even at 4a.m. :-) I got him all cleaned up and back in bed, and as I climbed back in my bed another little face appeared claiming to have had a bad dream. (I think he really just wanted in my bed!) I took him back upstairs and laid with him for a minute,and when I got back to bed it was 5 and I was wide awake! It was so nice though to have a gentleness with them even when I was so tired. God is good!
Anyway, I ended up just getting up and reading and it was so good. Wanted to share 2 things I randomly read this morning. The first one is Proverbs 3:24-26 It is about combating fear with Wisdom. The second was 1Kings 3. It was where God tells Solomon he can have anything he asks for and Solomon asks for Wisdom!! Then because he wanted wisdom more than anything else, God also gave him riches and honor that he did not even ask for. Made me long for a heart like Solomon this morning. :-)

Recieving joy

2007-09-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just wake up in the morning in a rotten mood? Nothing triggered it really, it's just how you woke up and nothing you do seems to get you out of it. This happens to me on occasion. (more occasions than I would like!) When I am in this state of "grumpiness, sometimes it seems like no matter what I try I just can't seem to shake it. Anything and everything gets on my nerves, and anything that could be wrong in my mind seems to be wrong. It is like I am sitting in this pit and although I know I need to get out, it is just easier to stay there than figure out how to get out. That is how I started me day today.

Everyone in the house was irritating me, and on top of it all I walked out to my car this morning to a flat tire. I thought that I was going to just get it plugged at Wal-mart (there was an obvious nail in the tread) but when I got there I was informed that the nail was too close to the side wall and would need a whole new tire. A $125 new tire! Now the guys at Walmart were on my bad list today too! After 3 more places told me the exact same thing, I was just plum mad! Mad Mad Mad!!! I tried everything to have joy in my circumstances, but it just wasn't working. I tried praying several times, I tried reading my Bible, no matter what I did nothing seemed to get me out of this fleshly state of irritation with the whole world. In the car on the way home from the tire store I pleaded with God to show me how to have joy when my flesh was refusing to come out of this funk. All the sudden I had the thought to start praising God for anything and everything I could think of. Instead of complaining about my tire, I praised God for a car to drive. I changed my attitude about my overly dramatic and emotional 12 year old into praises that she is a child of God and that He in trusted her to me. Instead of complaining about my 4 year old that calls my name 10,000 times a day and never seems to stop talking, I praised God that he is not autistic and can talk to me all day long. I repented for grumbling this morning about my husband's mess in the kitchen, and thanked God for a husband who loves me and is faithful to me. All the sudden I felt a 1,000 lb weight lifted off of me and I was so filled with joy! Thank you Lord for teaching me today how to receive your joy rather than letting me sit in my pit!

just enough for today

2007-09-10T07:18:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been so bogged down (in my mind) with all the things I want to accomplish, that I have been choosing to just get overwhelmed, and in turn not accomplishing anything at all. This is the case as far as housework, teaching the kids, completing unfinished tasks around the house. As soon as I try to think about what I want to get done, my mind goes on overload and I start thinking of a million things and a sense of hopelessness comes over me and I just say forget it. I think it has become a form of laziness and idleness for me.
On Sunday my friend (who always seems to know just what to say when I need her to say it
!!) called and we started talking about this situation. She said.."the problem is, we are forgetting that we are supposed to be taking things one day at a time....just accomplishing what we can for today..." We have talked about this before, but I had somehow fallen back off track. The enemy has been using this as a form of distraction for me, and instead of focusing on what I can do I have been focusing on what I can't do.
Today I have started out with my new attitude again. I still have my long to-do list which includes, cleaning all 3 bathrooms, changing 4 sets of bed linens, vacuuming out the car, feeding my flowers, finishing the touch ups painting work through out the house, hanging the last pictures and candles (that have been sitting on the floor since June!!), teaching Brady the entire alphabet including the phonics, getting our web site up and running again, downloading and pruning out 6 months of back log pictures for our albums........that isn't even the end, and already you can see that these things obviously are not going to get done today. So why am I getting so frustrated??
This morning I am remembering to do what I can just for today, and eventually after enough just for today's, all these things will get done! Seems like a simple concept, but somehow I have let the enemy distract me from the obvious.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

setting aside my reputation

2007-09-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever‑increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Of all the people in my extended family, I can not think of one person that is a Christian. This has made my walk with the Lord different in the fact that I did not have the influence or teaching of how to live a Godly life. I don't have family I can call on for prayer or Godly advice. I have to rely solely on the leading of the Lord.

It has also made it difficult for me to share my faith with in my family. I risk being labeled the "holy roller" of the family or the "religious" one. Those were terms I heard quite frequently growing up. Being stretched my the Lord to be more bold in my faith has brought me to think alot about relinquishing my reputation in order to serve God the way I should.

I have an uncle, my mothers brother, who has gone through a rough year. He let himself go to alcoholism, and lost his job of 16 years for the state of Illinois. He soon after almost lost his house, and is still nearly 6 months behind on his mortgage. He lost all visitation rights with his 2 boys, and eventually landed in a deep depression and total dependency on alcohol. This man was as far in the pit as one could probably get. He was so bad that my mom had to go down there and persuade him to go to a detox program. He completed the program, (Praise the Lord!) and is now back at home. He has a long road ahead of him to get his life back in order. The detox was only the first small step.

I prayed for him the whole time he was in detox, and once he was out I realized..this man need Jesus!! He needs to know the only way to really get his life back in order.
That same night I got an e-mail from my mom asking me if I wanted to send him a little note or something to encourage him. In it she said..."he told me, the doctor and the detox nurse that day that he reads the bible every night, so don't be afraid to give him a good sermon!!!! ha!" The minute I read that I knew that God was calling me to do something that no on else in my family was going to do. I had to tell Danny about the Salvation our God could provide for him. To do that, I was going to have relinquish my reputation. I was going to have to not care what anyone else thought and go for it. So I did.

The first thing I did was go on line to purchase and have send to him some reading materials. I bought him 2 short booklets both about our purpose here on earth, and about throwing out the trash of our past and making a new life (through Christ!) I purchased a new Bible, and even had his name imprinted on it!
Today I sat down and wrote him a 4 page letter telling him about my life and how I was able to break free from a family that has done more harm than good in my life, and make a new life for myself, in Christ!

Many times today I have regretting the literature I had sent to him, thinking he will think it is stupid. I hesitated for hours to put the letter in the mail which would expose me now a true "holy roller", but I did it. I relinquished my reputation for the purpose of Christ, and also hopefully for the sole of this man. How can I withhold a powerful message of how Christ can save him, all because I am too afraid of what others will think of me? I am so glad the Lord helped me to make the right decision.
Please pray for me this week if you think of it. And pray for Danny and my letter and the literature that he will receive. I pray that the Lord will lead him to a new life and that the Danny will accept it. I have a lot more souls that need saving in my family. I will be praying that the Lord will continue to give me more boldness. :-)

Being more bold in my faith

2007-09-08T13:56:00.000-07:00

One area of my walk that I have found the Lord leading me to improve on is to be more bold in my faith. In the book I am reading right now I just finished a chapter titled.....Forfeiting your reputation. That is something the Lord had been leading me toward for quite some time. I am a very shy person, so just walking up to someone and making conversation is very difficult. The Lord has been working on this in me over the years and I have gotten much better at it, but it is still something that I have to really work at. I have to put aside my insecurities sometimes and follow the Lords leading when He calls me to interact with someone. For example a new neighbor moves in and I know that I want to welcome them or bring over a plate of cookies but my insecurities and shyness make it really easy for me to talk myself out of it. I have to force myself to do it sometimes. Being hesitant to bless someone else like this is a form of selfishness. I am more concerned about myself and how I feel or what that person will think of me than I am about taking the opportunity to bless them.
There can be a new person sitting at the table with us at Wed. night dinner at church and I know I should say hello or introduce my family, but I let my shyness keep me from doing so. I realized a while back that during these moments I have to force myself to come out of my comfort zone and do something that I do not want to do in order to please God. It is a challenge for me, but the Lord has been helping me, and the more I do it the more it is starting to come more naturally.
The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. Proverbs 28:1
Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. 2 Corinthians 3: 12

Listening for Wisdom.... on the go??

2007-09-07T12:32:00.001-07:00

I have notced that ever since the school year has started I have had fewer oportunities to sit and read my Bible, write in my blog or even be still long enough to listen for God's wisdom. I keep thinking about Proverbs 2 and the part where it says ...turning your ear to wisdom
I have been thinking about how important it is to still find (or make) time to listen. I long so deeply for His wisdom, but am finding it so hard to find a quiet moment in my day.
Neither of my boys EVER sleep in, and I have given up on any hopes of it in the future. Zack gets on the bus at 7am, so he is up at 6 with Brayden following usually @ 6:30. I could get up 5:00 everyday and have an hour. That is option #1 I guess.

From about 8-10 I do school work with Brayden and Tori works (mostly self directed) until after lunch. Brady only naps about every other day now for never more than an hour. I guess on the off days I could put in a movie for him and that could be option #2.
Zack gets off the bus at 2:00, and it is crazy busy from then on until after dinner. (Actually, until after all the kids are in bed! )

All 3 of my kids are playing soccer with practices 2-3 nights a week plus games on the weekends. We have church on Wed. nights, Boy Scouts now on Tues. nights. I would really like to join a Friday morning Bible study.........how is a girl to catch her breath????
I know that the Lord will speak to me even when we are on the go, but I do really miss those lazy days of summer when I always had time to sit a little more and not be so distracted with all the business. For now I don't see any thing that can be cut out. My 2 older kids love soccer and are both very good at it, not willing to give it up. Zack was sucked in by a boy scout recruiter with the inticment of getting to one day shoot a BB-gun. With all his friends also signed up I don't see much hope in talking him out of that.

After the kids are in bed at night is my only time with Bob. Since time will not allow it in the mornings, I have even been stealing time from him in the evenings to fit in a workout and shower when I can. That usually leads to a late night for us, which would explain why getting up at 5 am is so hard to make a reality.

For now, I guess I will jsut keep praying in the car when we are on the go. I'll try to fit in my Bible and writing when ever time (and Brady) will allow during the day. I might try to start getting up at 5am again that way at least I have an hour each day to start my day off right. I will also keep praying for wisdom. God knows my heart desires more time with Him, and if He wills He will help me find it.

more on wisdom

2007-09-04T19:55:00.000-07:00

I thought this was so cool I had to get back on the computer to write about it.....
Just before starting the bed-time routine I finished up my last entry on Wisdom. Well, not but 15 minutes later I got out Brady's Devotions for Preschoolers (which is a book I just love by the way!) and turned to Sept. 4th....Get Wisdom. No kidding!! Isn't that the coolest!!
It was a sweet little devotion about Praying and asking God for wisdom, and here is the Bible verse for today....
If you need wisdom-if you want to know what God wants you to do- ask him James 1:5

Here was the prayer: Dear God, my wisdom comes from you. Help me to please you in all that I do. Amen

Wisdom

2007-09-04T18:29:00.000-07:00

One thing parenting has done I think, more than anything else is increased my desire for God's wisdom. The challenges of parenting have brought me (sometimes out of desperation!) to a place of true humbleness. I realize that I do not know what to do in so many avenues of parenting. I can survive this journey only with God's great wisdom.

Every time I think I have something figured out, the challenges change. What worked for one kid now does not work for the next, what worked last week is not working so well this week, last weeks problem has fizzled down, only for another spark to ignite somewhere else or with another child. It seems like a never ending process. This brings me to need for complete submissiveness to the Lord and what He has planned for my children. They are his children not mine. I am simply being used as a vessel to raise them up for the Lord.

I have been praying these great verses from Proverbs 2 this week for wisdom in my parenting:

v.2 ...turning your ear to wisdom (I have to be listening for God to give it to me)
and applying your heart to understanding (the Hebrew use of heart [leb] here refers to our mind...I have to think about how God wants me to apply His wisdom to my parenting)
v. 3 and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding (this is me!!)
v.4 and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, (God's wisdom should be the most precious thing I could ever long for.......a true treasure it is!)
v. 5-6 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Thank you Lord for your Wisdom. With your wisdom there is never excuse or reason for me to be weary or discouraged. You will lead me in the paths I need to follow. I just have to trust you with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I will acknowledge you and you will direct my paths. Help me to follow your path in parenting and trust that you will get me where I need to go.

perfectly??

2007-08-30T06:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes after God teaches us a lesson or opens our eyes to a new way of looking at things, He then will follow it up with a test. I think I might be failing the test.

Ever since I wrote that I would be looking for more ways that Bob and I complement one another in our parenting, our differences have been popping up all over the place. Instead of looking at them in the same perspective I did when I wrote on Tuesday, I have instead let my thinking get off track and turned it into how many ways Bob works against me to contradict everything I want to instill in our children. I know that this is a lie and the enemy trying to drive a wedge between us, but I have bought into it and allowed myself to give in to the negative thinking.

We are both very different, Bob is from the north and I am a southern girl. He is very bold, self-assured and opinionated, I on the other hand am very meek, unassertive and always giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it seems impossible to see how God will take the 2 of us as different as we are and make kids that are well rounded, but I have to trusted God because I know he can do it. I am sure that Bob wants the kids to be more like him and I of course would like to see them be more like me. (hey do we share a trait of stubbornness???)
Somehow God will "stitch" it all together perfectly. Yes, perfectly.

Stitched together perfectly

2007-08-28T17:23:00.000-07:00

This weekend some neighbors invited us to join them on their boat for the day. We went out to Shell Island where many boaters anchor their boats and spend a day on the beaches of this undeveloped island. We had a great day until we got back to the marina in the evening and as we were packing to head home Brady was trying to catch a hermit crab near the boat slip and fell and cut open the top of his foot. We had to rush him to the emergency room where he received 12 stitches in the top of his little foot.

As he was on the table (somewhat sedated thankfully) and preparing to be stitched up, the doctor asked Bob to lay across his body to keep him from moving from the waste down and for me to stay at the top keeping his arms and upper body stable. Bob laid across his wast and knees and had his head right down where the doctor was working and watched the entire procedure. (Something I would have NEVER been able to stomach!!)

I didn't think about it until later that night, but I found it very interesting how we both where in such different positions in this situation. Bob was down in the guts of it all watching as the doctor sewed our little boys foot back together asking questions and really getting into the whole procedure while I on the other hand sat at his head and kissed his little face and saying sweet words to him, assuring him that everything was fine and the the nice doctors where her to make people better ect.

It really made me think about the different rolls that we both play in parenting. We are perfect together in the fact that we balance one another out. Where I am weak he is strong, and vice- versa. Our differences insure that our children will receive all that God wants them to have. Bob provides them with an example of strength, courage, assertiveness while I influence them with tenderness love and nurturing. There are so many ways we are different, but it is all "stitched" together perfectly by God to allow us to parent our children to be how God wants them to be. I plan to be looking more often now to see ways that Bob and I complement one anther in our parenting.

Oh, and by the way...if you read my entry entitled Nichols' Law a while back, you will be glad to know that Nichols' Law failed this time! Bob was home one day when this event happened! So, I guess everything doesn't always go wrong when Bob is gone! :-) Glad he was here for this one!

my suitcase

2007-08-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

Last night after I got the kids to bed I had great plans of going for a much needed run. While outside talking to my neighbor Michelle I happened to mention my plans. Unexpectedly Michelle then said, "oh, I need to start working out. I should go with you. Do you think I could keep up?? Do you think I should try?" Well, I already knew the answer to the first question, and selfishly my answer to the second one would be the same.

I had to make a decision....will I do what I want to do, or make the choice to sacrifice my run to give time to someone else?

I told Michelle I would pick her up at 7:30.
Michelle made it clear that she wanted me to push her and make her finish a mile. She was confident she could do it and insisted that I not let her quit. We started out walking about a mile and a half and when we got to the point where I knew the route of exactly one mile, I asked her if she was ready to start running. I pushed her hard and she eventually made it. She finished a whole mile and she was so proud of it. It wasn't easy for her by any means. I was worried at some moments if it was safe for me to keep pushing her, but I did anyway. Every time those legs stopped running and tried to walk, I would yell at her and tell her to keep going she could make it.

Something I realized last night after I got home was how this story can teach us a lesson about humility. You see, even though Michelle struggled terribly to finish this 1 mile run, I on the other hand barely became winded. I have been running for so long that to me 1 mile sounds so small. But to Michelle, it was a huge challenge! All of us have things in life that come easier for us than they may for someone else. To understand another persons struggles, we have to humble ourselves enough to understand where they are and what their gifts are. We all have different gifts given from God for a purpose. Your gift is not going to be the same as someone else's.

I am reading a really good book right now by Max Lucado called Cure for the Common Life. In it he describes each of us like a suit case. In each suit case are all the gifts and abilities that God has "packed" for us. If I were in the airport waiting for my baggage I might see a suitcase that looks exactly like mine. If I fail to look at the tag and make sure it has my name on it, I could take home the wrong one. When I get home and open it I might find the belongings of a business man. What would I do with this man's things?? I could put on his suit, I could even slip on his dress shoes, I could use his aftershave. The problem is, his clothes are going to be too big on me, the shoes are going to flop all over the place, and the aftershave is going to smell ridiculous on me. These things were not intended for me nor will they be useful to me.

God created each of us individually and with great detail. He packed our "suitcases" perfectly with everything He knew we would need to do be used the way He intended for us to. God gave me the ability to run. He made me good at it and I truly enjoy it. Others might despise it and have no desire to do it. He also gave me a gift for cooking, reading, gardening and keeping a tidy house. Those things come easily for me and I enjoy them. I love to decorate and I get excited about a a new outfit or a fresh color of lip gloss. Those are some of the things in my suitcase. We must remember that no one else's suitcase is filled the same. What I like might look silly or unexciting to someone else. If we try to use what God packed in someone else's suitcase because it looks better than what is in ours or it looks good on the other person, we are not going to ever feel comfortable like we should when we wear what God has packed perfectly for us.

What is most important is remembering that all the things in our suitcase were given to us by God for God. He wants what ever we have in there to be used and to be used to glorify Him. I am not a good runner because I worked hard and trained to get there. I am a good runner because God gave it to me in my suitcase. Our gifts and talents are not placed there by accident. We did not even choose them ourselves. God did. We are to take what ever He has placed there and be the best at it that we can be and make God's shirt buttons bust off with pride. That is what it is all about.

a great quote

2007-08-22T15:37:00.000-07:00

"My Friend, remember to take this life one day at a time. When several days attack you, don't give up. A successful woman takes the bricks that the devil throws at her and uses them to lay a firm foundation. We all need enough trials to challenge us, enough challenges to strengthen us, and enough strength to do our part making this a better place to live and love." ~Barbara Johnson
It is such a challenge not to let the trials of everyday take us down. Instead though, they should be making us stronger. That is what I think I am going to start praying for. When I am dealing with the daily challenges of life, I will pray and ask the Lord to use them to make me stronger. This is part of the sanctification process. Why am I fighting against something that God's word says will get me into the Kingdom of heaven??
....strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said. Acts 14:22
I know that the hardships I endure today are molding me into something wonderful for God.
“O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel." Jeremiah 18:6
and I will be ......perfect and complete, lacking nothing." (James 1:2)
Hallelujah for that!!

My Zack Man

2007-08-21T20:57:00.000-07:00

There is one little 7 year old that I just love so much. His name is Zack. I knew from the moment this kid was born he was going to be special! For one thing, every single kid on my side of the family that I can remember, including myself and all my siblings, have always been toe-heads, blond as can be! But not Mr. Zack. He popped out with red hair and now has the sweetest little freckles to match! Did you know that only 1% of the human population has red hair? I told you he was special! :-)

I used to get so tired of people asking me "where does he get his red hair?" me- "Red hair is a recessive gene of a blonde!!" No, I never really said that, but by the time he was 2 I really really wanted to!

He is just my little fire cracker and I love him so much. This week as I looked at him take off for his first day of 2nd grade I just couldn't believe that little baby born in May of the new Millennium had grown up so fast. I just wish I could freeze him right where he is today and enjoy that sweet little freckled face with no front teeth grin a little bit longer. Since I can't do that, I guess I will have to put everything else that I can aside for now so I can enjoy every minute of my kids before their time of being little is over.

I am so thankful today that the Lord has allowed me to stay home and give all I've got to these precious little gifts.

weed control

2007-08-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

Another area of my home that was neglected last week because of our business, was my garden. Thankfully nothing died because of an irrigation system Bob put in for me that works on a timer. All my flowers automatically get water right at the base of the root system everyday. But, they haven't been fed in over a week and the weeds tried to completely take over! I couldn't believe the amount of weeds that snuck in over just a week of time! As I spent over an hour outside this morning feeding my flowers and pulling a million weeds , it reminded me of my walk with the Lord.

Sometimes I can be really on top of things. Praying everyday, reading the Bible, spending time with God, and my eyes are open and quick to recognize sin. But then there are times when I fall back and before I know it I have gone too long with out spending time in the presence of the Lord, praying to Him and seeking wisdom from His Word. Just like those weeds that try to choke my flowers and deprive them of growing to their fullest potential, sin creeps in and with out me even noticing and tries to choke me, keeping me from growing closer to the Lord.

If I had just spent 10 minutes a day out there pulling a few weeds here and there, I would not have had the enormous 1 hour job today of getting my garden back under control. I feel the same way about my walk. A little time each day will keep me on track and focused on the Lord. I am thankful that the rest of the day, like my automatic irrigation system, the Lord will give me the water I need to keep me firmly rooted in the ground.